Fuck!! Why can't I learn to write everyday. I bet I say that quite a bit within these pages. Fuck em... those distractions are not even with my memory and most certainly never get me paid.
I miss the Fax today.
I miss her even more than anything... must continue to push forward.
I'm sitting in applebee's right now.
Trying to enjoy being outside alone. It's hard for me to even feel ok existing.
I love talking to my mom everyday. Annoying as it can be with her millions of calls I remember that so many don't have what I have.... my mamacita!!
Her prom is tomorrow!!! Oh yea... if I haven't said yet he prom is tomorrow!!!
God I wish I could fly out there just to to catch a glimpse of her. I can see it. For as I've known her since we were one she was just like me... shy unless it was in her terms. Reserved but bold. I couldn't see that she looked like me until recently....I thought there's no way a beautiful awe-inspiring and breathtaking daughter looked like me... her father is where she got her looks... me.. no!!
I can't breathe most days...
Afew weeks later I'm at IHOP.... Long walk to the lq then here.... knife in hand... alone as usual. Nothing like torturing yourself to make life complete.
I can't get her voice out of my mind... hurt to pieces as we tried to find a way for me to get out there for her graduation. I even called to charter a private plane. Mark promised to send me in his.. blah blah... seems like promises aren't important anymore. I tried to go to her graduation.
I unfortunately left it in the hands of someone else.
My fault. Miscommunication.
I'm dead inside.
I've ruined a prefect person. How can I be so self-centered. She'll never speak to me again. I don't deserve her.
My mom either. I yelled at her a few days before. It's seems pointless to have hope at all. Why!? Everything falls apart. All those days pushing to survive to fuck it all up. I still want to go just to catch a glimpse of her. I really honestly don't deserve that at all.
© The Colfax Hustle;The liq, The Trick and The Skit