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Stars and Jasmine
I stood in awe of the stars that were framed by the silhouettes of the pines. The symphony of the night soothed my mind with familiar songs.
My escape from the reality I left behind in that room that was so terribly sad. Unbearable was the overwhelming sense of being truly alone. I had to find my chapel.
I knew the place well. It was here I saw my first meteor shower when my dad thought I could share in his obsession of our beautiful universe. And I did, without hesitation, because I saw the heavens in a different way.
After my dad got sick from inoperable brain cancer I escaped to this spot to look at the beautiful starry sky and wondering which star my dad might lay claim to when his time came. I felt like he was close in this place that had become sacred ground to my grieving heart.
Now, my soulmate and best friend had a heart attack at work and joined my mentor and hero among the ancient stars that had blanketed the night sky for thousands and thousands of years sharing their grief as they gave their loved ones a star to call their own.
The next days ahead would be a blurry series of still shots that seemed more surreal as friends and distant relatives tried their best giving comfort but I was inconsolable and hiding in the bathroom with a Lucky Strike and a box of Kleenex.
********************************************
I felt surrounded by everything that was him. It weighed me down and I felt the chill of his ghost constantly. Did I not grieve enough? He followed me from the couch to the bed and back to the couch in my restless sleepwalking.
After a fitful night of dreams I stood on our deck and watched the sun gradually rise above the Mesa. It was glorious. I knew what I had to do.
I packed up the '78 Ford pickup that was my dad's. I packed the telescope I won in my fifth grade science fair. My mom died that year in a car crash. My world would have shattered if my dad hadn't stepped up in ways no one expected.
I packed the hibachi and some hot dogs, threw in a bottle of Irish whiskey and a Dr. Pepper. I found a sack of weed we had stashed last spring and forgot about hidden in a box of cereal.
I locked the door behind me and didn't look back. I drove down the winding driveway and turned onto the highway towards my destination among the stars.
*******************************************
It was perfect timing. I pulled in the clearing and set up my telescope in the bed of the truck It was a clear night with a noticible chill in the air. The smell of pine was cleansing and soothing.
I rolled a joint and open the bottle of whiskey. I watched the sky rotate until it looked like a magical light switch had been turned on. The infinite number of stars on a blanket of rich purples, gold and blue. I lit the piney smelling grass and took a long draw. As I exhaled it was as if the colors were brighter and I could sense the rotation of the earth under my feet.
I looked through the telescope and adjusted the lens to focus on dad's star. I felt a peaceful calm while I told him everything that was going on around me. I raised my glass and toasted the man who gave me the stars.
I scanned the stars and one shimmered as if it saw me. I had my star map and I circled the star I called his. I rolled out the sleeping bag and toked on the remainder of the doobie.
I kept my eyes on the stars then slowly drifted up and away on a celestial stream. I recognized my dad's star and found him gazing at the stars all around. He waved and smiled as I came closer. He was so healthy and happy looking.
He stepped aside to reveal a familiar presence. She was so beautiful and I ran to her and hugged her long enough to smell the jasmine in her auburn hair. Nothing was said but so much love surrounded me, giving peace like I had never known.
As the images of my parents faded another was beckoning me closer. I would have known his gorgeous eyes anywhere. He lifted me up and twirled me around with ease. No words were needed as he held my face and looked into my eyes. He had been following me as I paced through the house. He felt my grief. He was glad I found his star so he might have his place in the heavens and I could begin my journey of healing a broken heart.
I didn't want it to end and I tried countless times to fall back asleep and pick up where It left off but it was over. For the moment. I felt hot tears roll from the corners of my eyes as I could still smell the jasmine on my mom's hair.
© Morgan West
My escape from the reality I left behind in that room that was so terribly sad. Unbearable was the overwhelming sense of being truly alone. I had to find my chapel.
I knew the place well. It was here I saw my first meteor shower when my dad thought I could share in his obsession of our beautiful universe. And I did, without hesitation, because I saw the heavens in a different way.
After my dad got sick from inoperable brain cancer I escaped to this spot to look at the beautiful starry sky and wondering which star my dad might lay claim to when his time came. I felt like he was close in this place that had become sacred ground to my grieving heart.
Now, my soulmate and best friend had a heart attack at work and joined my mentor and hero among the ancient stars that had blanketed the night sky for thousands and thousands of years sharing their grief as they gave their loved ones a star to call their own.
The next days ahead would be a blurry series of still shots that seemed more surreal as friends and distant relatives tried their best giving comfort but I was inconsolable and hiding in the bathroom with a Lucky Strike and a box of Kleenex.
********************************************
I felt surrounded by everything that was him. It weighed me down and I felt the chill of his ghost constantly. Did I not grieve enough? He followed me from the couch to the bed and back to the couch in my restless sleepwalking.
After a fitful night of dreams I stood on our deck and watched the sun gradually rise above the Mesa. It was glorious. I knew what I had to do.
I packed up the '78 Ford pickup that was my dad's. I packed the telescope I won in my fifth grade science fair. My mom died that year in a car crash. My world would have shattered if my dad hadn't stepped up in ways no one expected.
I packed the hibachi and some hot dogs, threw in a bottle of Irish whiskey and a Dr. Pepper. I found a sack of weed we had stashed last spring and forgot about hidden in a box of cereal.
I locked the door behind me and didn't look back. I drove down the winding driveway and turned onto the highway towards my destination among the stars.
*******************************************
It was perfect timing. I pulled in the clearing and set up my telescope in the bed of the truck It was a clear night with a noticible chill in the air. The smell of pine was cleansing and soothing.
I rolled a joint and open the bottle of whiskey. I watched the sky rotate until it looked like a magical light switch had been turned on. The infinite number of stars on a blanket of rich purples, gold and blue. I lit the piney smelling grass and took a long draw. As I exhaled it was as if the colors were brighter and I could sense the rotation of the earth under my feet.
I looked through the telescope and adjusted the lens to focus on dad's star. I felt a peaceful calm while I told him everything that was going on around me. I raised my glass and toasted the man who gave me the stars.
I scanned the stars and one shimmered as if it saw me. I had my star map and I circled the star I called his. I rolled out the sleeping bag and toked on the remainder of the doobie.
I kept my eyes on the stars then slowly drifted up and away on a celestial stream. I recognized my dad's star and found him gazing at the stars all around. He waved and smiled as I came closer. He was so healthy and happy looking.
He stepped aside to reveal a familiar presence. She was so beautiful and I ran to her and hugged her long enough to smell the jasmine in her auburn hair. Nothing was said but so much love surrounded me, giving peace like I had never known.
As the images of my parents faded another was beckoning me closer. I would have known his gorgeous eyes anywhere. He lifted me up and twirled me around with ease. No words were needed as he held my face and looked into my eyes. He had been following me as I paced through the house. He felt my grief. He was glad I found his star so he might have his place in the heavens and I could begin my journey of healing a broken heart.
I didn't want it to end and I tried countless times to fall back asleep and pick up where It left off but it was over. For the moment. I felt hot tears roll from the corners of my eyes as I could still smell the jasmine on my mom's hair.
© Morgan West
