one day a girl sat in a chair at her therapists office and talked about what it was like to be home with her parents. The girl blamed herself for everything that her parents did and still do to her because they think it’s her fault. then her therapist asked:,, how do you think would it be if you weren’t there anymore‘‘? the question sounded unreal because she never heard anyone asking this question.
the girl answered:,, I don’t know‘‘, but the question was running through her head for weeks. how would it be? she knew the answer but she was afraid of telling it. she knew it would be easier for her brother at home and her parents wouldn’t fight anymore. she spent the whole night crying because she knew it would be better for them if she weren’t there anymore. she is still overthinking it. she had this thoughts for a longer time. the thoughts that tell her that everyone would be happier if she wouldn’t exist anymore. the thought to just give up. but she won’t.

two days later the girl sat at the office from the social worker from her school. they talked about going outside without a jacket. then there was a question again. the social worker asked:,, do you do this because you hurt yourself with this?‘‘ the girl was confused. she didn’t do it because of this reason but she was scared. scared that she knows that she hurts herself. scared that she knows one of her most vulnerable secrets. but she kept her Pokerface and said:,,No, I am just not really cold‘‘.

All the things they said in these two days, they have been running through her mind 24/7. she is overwhelmed and scared and has no one to talk to about these things. so she writes about it.
© lisann