I had to lie.

I had to tell you I'm still in love with my ex-lover. I had to tell you that the butterflies in my heart and in my mind are screaming for someone else when it has been for you now. I had to tell you the sun shines every day everytime I see him but bet you didn't know that I prefer the sunsets you bring to my life—the beautiful never-ending endings. I had to make sure you'll think I am still writing for the what-ifs of my past when lately all I do is imagine our could-have-beens. I had to tell you I still listen to the same The Script songs and well, yes, they mean the same but why does it hurts a lot more when I think of you while playing them? I had to act like I'm still longing for a second chance at a love I lost way back when lately I've been frustrated for a love I could never have. I had to tell you I'm still drinking over memories of long time ago even though each bottle now tastes like you. I had to tell you I still love the moon even though you told me you prefer to look at the stars, and god, I wish you knew that I've been wishing for you to fall for me: piece by piece, then destructive all at once. I don't mind, really, as long as I have you here beside me while I map the constellation of your invisible scars. I am not an astrologer but for you, I am willing to live in isolation and explore the blank space of your heart. But of course, I had to deny this new person I have become because of you. I had to sound like this is all a lament over everything that is not you.

I had to lie and make you believe I am telling the truth.

I had to. I had to or else you'll stop talking with me. I had to or else you'll think I don't understand you. I had to or else you'll find somebody else. I had to or else I'll lose you.
–Myka M. Obinque

Photo: @mild.moon (IG)