Everything is a matter of perspective, which means, everything you believe, is true to you. If you truly believe it, it is true to you. You are the center of your existence, you write your own meaning, whether it be created by you or you follow a creative output from elsewhere. Either way, it's still yours.

I've been learning to read and write German, so I put my phone, Xbox and other devices in the language of German, in hopes to force myself to learn it faster, and it works. I enjoy German, it's basically English with a few different grammar rules and spelling rules, but in the end, they are definitely sisters.

I have a violent revenge behavior. Though, if unprovoked, I am top-notch in being calm and good to people, but once someone crosses me, I have to do everything in my power to not murder someone. I could be a victim of the tiniest thing, and my mind will blow it out of proportion, and seek the most painful revenge. I believe this to be a result of the amount of people who have and continue to do so, messed with me or assaulted me in any way since I was a child. I absolutely do nothing to provoke negative behavior towards me, but I get way too much of it. This is why I think I get so angry at people trying harm towards me. It is unwarranted every single time and I chose not to do anything about it because if I were to, I'd be in prison. Once there was a time I could easily forgive anyone for anything, but the stacks are no longer in the favor. I have grown a deep hatred towards people, and yet, I still strive for attention and acceptance, love, and understanding. Humans do not hold up to my expectations and continue to disappoint me.

In my other hand, people are simple. Human psychology has brought to me the behavior of such, these creatures are nothing special. Their behavior leads to their emotional foundation. Either you act on interest or fear. So in the end where one can do wrong, they are only human, which is pretty low for what we could actually be, so it's not hard to forgive someone, considering most of the time, an act of hatred is fueled by fear.

I am aware that me and my brain are different, because I would easily kill someone without a second thought because someone hurt me or a loved one, and my brain without any doubt or reason can brush off anything so easily, and she normally has to calm me down with reason and fear of potential penalties or repercussions. So its a good thing I have me to help me, because without her, I'd just be another bad person.

I am two, we coincide, we cooperate, we exist together. I often conflict with myself but we always come to some sort of agreement. I bring my person and emotion to the table and she brings the logic, meaning, and reason. I have to speak for her because she can't talk to anyone but me, and when she does talk to me, it's not in words. She is my foundation to my behavior, although I do get hot headed, and act on my own sometimes.

I get bullied more as an adult by other adults than I did as a kid by other kids. Humanity is low, a low form or species. Literally full grow adults spewing out vulgar profanities in my general direction. It's disgusting.

Loneliness is a state of mind, and if I didn't have my girlfriend with me most of the time, I would be there.

© Envelope Penelope