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Verbal symphonies part 1
This is only the first part of the book, there are 6 more. the book is not finished but i thought i’d show you what i have so far.
intro
This book is a collection of poems I’ve written over the last couple of years. There’s such a wide variety of emotions here, ranging from anger to joy. This book is also VERY personal to me, it’s real stuff. I want to share it with people to help them and make sure they don’t ever feel alone like I did.
I fell in love with poetry a while ago, but writing has always been a part of my life. Poetry is my outlet, my way to escape the world, and it’s a coping mechanism.
But since there is such a wide variety in this book, some of the stuff is old, and I don’t feel like that anymore. At the same time, some of the stuff is recent and new.
When reading this, I don’t want you to think about me. This book is supposed to make you think about yourself. It’s supposed to be about connecting my words to your own stories and experiences.
My goal is that any reader will find at least one poem they connect with. I hope this book helps readers heal and grow from past pain. This book is for me and for anyone who reads it.
I love you, Andrew.
verbal symphonies
People say things they don’t always mean.
Singing verbal symphonies.
Telling the truth but covering it in lies,
Just like you made me believe.
I believed in you,
Held you up so high.
Then you cut my hands
So you could fly.
Now you’re free,
And that makes me happy.
Losing you
Was finding me
And my verbal symphonies.
who?
Who do you write about?
That’s for me to know
And for you to figure out.
I write about stories,
That came from my life.
But the origin
Isn't the reason I write.
I want you to find connections
In the simple words I say.
So don’t ask who I write about,
All you need to know is that I write about my pains.
So you can feel understood,
Everything is okay.
PART 1 - THE RAVEN
the raven
There were warnings,
But the people never gave them any attention.
You could shake your head in sorrow,
With the slightest mention,
Of the raven.
“Fear the raven” became a hackneyed saying.
He wants you dead, on the stick sits your head.
His deafing cry, one of loss and ancient innocence.
He sits above your shoulder as you cough up blood,
Laying ill on your death bed.
He lost the best thing he’d ever have.
It’s complex, but he was wishing death.
So now the only joy he finds is revenge,
The raven, he wants you dead.
overnight
I lost everything
Overnight.
I lost my one person
Overnight.
I lost my world
Overnight.
I lost a sense of happiness
Overnight.
All it took
Was one night
To ruin my life.
broken version of myself
We stand in this field,
With a frisbee in the sky.
It’s the only thing that connects you and me
Since I lost the connection in your eyes.
When did you lose feeling,
And when did I start falling?
We all should’ve known
I’d be the one crying.
You turned me into a broken version of myself,
Pushed me underwater as I was reaching for help.
Hid my pills when I had a failing health,
Just to watch me die, because you hated yourself.
matching t-shirts
now i sleep in our matching t-shirts,
even though you gave yours away.
i can live in my delusion,
thinking you would always stay.
never thought i’d loose a friend
like you.
but i did and there’s nothing
i can do.
but cry in our matching t-shirts,
when someone else is wearing yours,
maybe your 6th girlfriend,
or lying by your door.
Nigel
I was young and I was naïve,
I thought I was your one and only.
didn’t know your other friends,
thought they were all pretending.
Then Nigel showed up to your party.
you two look so happy.
you looked happier than when you were with me.
so, if I’m not good enough,
Tell me why you gave me love.
Yes, I tried to be the one.
but you love Nigel, guess he’s more fun.
I never liked plot twists,
but baby that’s all we were.
you make me feel so nauseous,
when I'm running away from your words.
I needed you, I put you first,
but you didn’t care, you’re the worst.
so, if I’m not good enough,
Tell me why you gave me love?
Yes, I tried to be the one.
but you love Nigel, guess he’s more fun.
his name always comes up in conversations,
No, I don’t really care about him.
don’t understand the hype, why you’d spend the night,
with him instead of me.
Do you really like Nigel more than me?
cause he’s all you talk about,
Now I'm starting to doubt.
everything from you to me,
I never wanted you to leave.
but you left as soon as Nigel showed up.
That's why I know I'm not enough.
so, if I’m not good enough,
Tell me why you gave me love?
Yes, I tried to be the one.
but you love Nigel, guess he’s more fun.
i was a child
does it ever cross your mind,
that i was a child when i called you mine,
that i was undeveloped but you still lied,
like a child could understand the sarcasm in “i love you”
i should’ve know it wasn’t right,
because when i looked into your eyes,
you never looked back the same.
i was a child when i wanted to die,
when you tortured my heart like i’d be fine.
i was a child when my i hated my life,
i’m still a child and it’s the same tonight.
Never Said Goodbye
You didn’t say goodbye,
Before you left my life,
You’re something I can’t deny,
I need you by my side
his eyes
His eyes,
Were eyes filled with lies.
While mine
Had tears that could run for miles.
something in my eye
I don’t know why I’m crying,
Maybe I got something in my eye,
Or maybe it’s just another day
Thinking about how you ruined my life.
Every time it gets harder to lie,
But I’m getting good at making people
Believe that I’m fine.
I’m not fine, but I will be with time.
I wish I cold pin a reason,
The tears flood from my eyes.
The only reasonable reason
Is I miss you, even though you ruined my life.
everything hurts now
I ran to the park this week, and you were there,
I stared at my feet, you probably didn’t care,
I acted all tough, just so you’d notice,
I’m not enough, I’ll just be honest.
It’s hard to get through a day because you’re always on my mind,
You’re in the back of my head,
All the time.
I make so many memories, but they all hurt in the end.
Because deep inside me, I think I’m losing a friend.
I want you to love me, the way you love the other ones,
Want you to trust me, Like I’m enough.
But everything hurts now,
cause you’re not by my side,
I want to learn how,
To just feel alright.
Whenever I think of the past, it hurts more when it lasts.
If it would just leave, then I could sleep in peace.
I remember everything we did together,
In vivid colors,
I hope that you remember,
That we still have each other.
But everything hurts now,
cause you’re not by my side,
I want to learn how,
To just feel alright.
tell everyone
You like to lie.
It’s your favorite hobby.
Add another lie to the list,
And tell everyone you never loved me.
I know you did,
You looked into my eyes,
Held me when I got reckless in the night,
Made me laugh when I thought I’d cry,
Gave me life, when I wanted to die.
How could you have lied?
hate.
There’s nobody I hate more than myself.
Theres no body I hate more than mine.
I should sleep
I should sleep
But you’re keeping me up.
Looking into your eyes
Over a screen I’m too afraid to touch.
I don’t want to become a devil like you,
I miss the friend I had before you grew.
Behave
I blame myself for loving you,
I was hoping something would come true
when it wasn’t meant to be,
you were made to leave me.
I can’t behave myself,
when you’re around.
I hate how bad it hurts,
when I hear the sound
of someone saying your name
it’s bringing me pain
as you walk away.
goodbye baby.
we were 9
Paper airplanes and soccer games,
Playing in the gym at our church
Before our lives changed
In so many ways.
We were nine when I first met you
I’ll turn 16 in two months.
I’ll never forget how I hurt you
How I walked right out of that love.
I called you my friend
I let you in on every secret
Just to find you never cared
Just to figure out it was pointless.
Two people, one room, 5 years, and a million tears.
It was May, it was the 12th of May.
I was sitting alone, and when you walked in
I was immediately not okay.
Just two people, in one room.
They can’t look into each others eyes,
Because that’s all they knew how to do.
Now they’ve gone separate ways,
And can not go back.
Even though you gave me friendship for 5 years,
I’m the one left with a million tears.
working out
So strong, you’ve been working out
So happy, make your parents proud
But deep down
You’re letting everybody down.
The way you look at me
Makes me rethink everything
Like the spring of 2019
When we were closer than we’d ever be.
Now, now that you’re working out,
You’re really letting me down.
I tried to scream for help
But you muffled my sounds.
Running From Change
I was standing on the side of the street
With a suitcase in my hand.
Some day
I’ll find a way
To escape
The change we face.
beginning to forget
There were moments
In between
That I’ll never remember
And you’ll never see.
You forgot about me
A long time ago.
Now I’m beginning to forget myself
My name is the only thing I know
following blindly
I let you walk me off a cliff,
held your hand all the way
Then I slipped.
You just watched it happen,
Didn’t cry,
When I died.
In my dreams you’re so cruel,
Deep down I know that’s not you,
I’d given you a million chances,
My dreams are all so tragic,
but that’s because of you.
following blindly that’s all I can do.
Gone Forever
When I fall,
Ill be falling forever.
No matter how hard you try.
You won’t catch me
You can’t save a dying flower.
Idaho skies
5 years will be over in 5 weeks,
i didn’t ever think you’d leave.
don’t know a world without you,
that’s something i never wanna go through.
this might be the last time i say your name,
you might never ever wanna see me again.
you’ll find a man and you’ll love him so,
you’ll have 3 kids and name one of them Hope.
cause that’s what i’ve held onto for years,
the hope that you’d hear my heart fear,
that i might lose you, and i guess i am now.
it kills me to think that you’re moving out of town.
someday you’ll forget my name,
memories will fade away.
i’ll never go to another volleyball game,
cause i never even got to see you play,
i only got to dance with you once,
i thought that that’d be enough,
but now i wish i had never let go,
i don’t wanna see you go.
when you look up at the Idaho skies,
do you think about the ones you left behind?
my little broken heart will stay,
cause you’re moving away.
we used to talk and laugh in the middle of class,
talk about the most random stuff and thoughts that we had.
right from the beginning i knew i was down bad,
now i’m crying cause i’m losing a friend.
i’m not just losing someone i’ve know forever,
i’m losing this dream that we’ll grow up together.
it’s a stupid fantasy i know,
i guess it’s time to let it go.
when you look up at the Idaho skies,
do you think about the ones you left behind?
my little broken heart will stay,
cause you’re moving away.
i bet you’ll forget about me,
find somebody who can replace me.
don’t you know that i’ll never forget you?
i’ll never find somebody like you.
when you look up at the Idaho skies,
do you think about the ones you left behind?
my little dying heart will stay,
how can love turn into pain?
what I deserve
nothing,
but harsh words and a knife
in my back every single night,
I deserve to feel pain,
and suffer for all the things I’ve done.
It's my fault that I lost someone.
Physical Things
I have a hard time
Believing in things I can’t see there,
So when you say you love me
It’s hard to think you even care.
I need someone to write it on paper
And hang it up to my heart.
The physical things
Keep me from falling apart.
slowly watching everyone leave.
A hug from a friend and a kiss on the cheek,
I’ve been slowly watching
Everyone leave me.
I don’t want to talk about it,
But it needs to escape.
So I lash out my pain on people,
Giving them another reason to walk away.
Does it make me selfish to cry?
I know so many people have it worse than I.
Doesn’t change the fact that I wanted to die.
miss me?
I’m searching for a smile,
In every picture I find.
But nothing will ever beat,
The first time,
I laid eyes
On someone who would hurt me.
Do you miss me?
Cause I know I do,
I lost myself in you.
Facetime
I wanna call you,
Wanna see you,
The hard part is I can’t feel you. But I can imagine your hands
On my face.
Holding my hair into place.
Staring into my eyes for endless days.
Wish I could hear your voice again,
I wish not everything had to end.
his house
I remember walking to his house
At 12:03 in the morning.
How could somebody
Change your life so drastically?
I’m not sure but ever since
That perfect August night.
I miss him,
He made everything feel alright.
Nobody comforts me
Like him.
Nobody was a better
friend.
I want to go back,
To his house.
calling you
I think about
calling you
every night.
but I can’t stand the
thought of us
getting in a fight.
I want to say sorry,
sorry for everything
I could ever do
I miss calling you.
corner of my room
You now sit in the corner of my room
Cause I can’t stand the fact that I miss you.
What makes a friend
If they just leave you hurt and stranded?
Can’t take down the pictures
Cause I’m too dramatic.
I leave you up
In the corner of my room
As a reminder
To be a better person than you.
last summer
cold lemonade,
in a red plastic cup,
i don’t feel okay,
maybe it’s just made up,
you’re jumping on your trampoline,
little did you know your the one in my dreams.
sweat on my skin,
since you passed by me,
you looked so lost,
but so happy,
i let you leave me way to fast,
you’d never stay, this never lasts.
last summer,
i cried way to much,
i still remember,
how love messed me up,
last summer,
i thought you were mine,
but you ran away,
just like every time.
in you’re backyard,
the sun in my eyes,
your sister just graduated,
how’s your life?
i watch as you talk with all of your friends,
i thought i was one of them but that depends.
last summer,
i cried way to much,
i still remember,
how love messed me up,
last summer,
i thought you were mine,
but you ran away,
just like every time.
the funny thing is,
you never left,
i blocked you out,
cause i couldn’t stand,
the thought that you’re happier,
then you ever were,
when i was beside you,
when i was your world.
last summer,
i cried way to much,
i still remember,
how love messed me up,
last summer,
i thought you were mine,
but you ran away,
just like every time.
sympathy
I’ve been shattering my
hopes and dreams
for a tiny bit
of sympathy.
a year ago
I’m not the person
I was a year ago.
Hearing things like that
Hits so much different
When you know it’s true.
I could let go
But we’ll always be connected.
Thats the curse,
That will never be lifted.
Wreckage
I hate myself,
For letting you go.
We crashed a long time ago,
You got out but I’ll never know,
What it’s like to be free,
Since the wreckage holds onto me.
my favorite memories
I’ve known you for 3 or 4 years now
You’ve always been the class clown
All those hockey games with big crowds
I never thought that you were too loud
You went to my birthday parties
Nothing was ever too sweet
You were always rewarding
You’d do anything for me
Whenever it’s just you and me
Those are my favorite memories
I wanna say that I’m sorry
For all the things that I did
But I love how crazy you can be
Such an immature kid
Playing in a cabin
You and me, and some friends
You got too excited
And I let you win
Win my heart
My mind
My time
I’ve missed you real bad
You were the best thing I had
But it’s gone now, oh well
Everytime you choose to sit by me
Like a beautiful symphony
How do you make me laugh?
All the time
I just wish
You were mine
Whenever it’s just you and me
Those are my favorite memories
I wish it was just you and me
You’re my favorite memory
mental hospital
they’ll send me to a mental hospital
while you pretend that you’re fine.
when deep down, we both know,
you are dying inside.
beyond my control
Losing you,
Was beyond my control.
The story of us,
Was already written out
Even if the end is sad and cold.
Losing you was never my goal,
But it was beyond my control.
If it was up to me,
We would be
INFINITY.
list
I was once at the top of your list,
all you cared about,
all you needed.
but every day
I become less and less
of a priority.
crying on my floor at 11pm
My tears fall down my face,
As I type away my pain.
I didn’t think that I could cry again.
I was left broken and empty,
You didn’t care about me,
I didn’t think that I could cry again.
If I broke down in front of you,
Would you be right by my side,
If I gave it all up for you,
Would you give me back my life?
If I told you how I really felt,
Would you care to find my desolate,
Would you open up your arms,
And let me in?
Until then,
I’ll just be crying on my floor.
My fears all came back to life,
You walked right in the door last night,
I didn’t think that I could cry so much.
Until I’m happy once again,
I’ll live my life with my best friends,
I didn’t think that I could cry so much.
I didn’t think that I could cry so much.
Cause,
If I broke down in front of you,
Would you be right by my side,
If I gave it all up for you,
Would you give me back my life?
If I told you how I really felt,
Would you care to find my desolate,
Would you open up your arms,
And let me in?
Oh, I couldn’t even look you in the eyes,
Couldn’t give you what you like,
Oh, I tried my best to be your guy,
But all I ever do is cry.
If I broke down in front of you,
Would you be right by my side,
If I gave it all up for you,
Would you give me back my life?
If I told you how I really felt,
Would you care to find my desolate,
Would you open up your arms,
And let me in?
Cause If I broke down in front of you,
You wouldn’t be by my side,
Yeah, I gave it all up for you,
But you still won’t give me back my life,
If I told you how I really felt,
Would you care to find my desolate,
Would you open up your arms,
And let me in?
Until then,
I’ll just be crying on my floor.
My back against my door.
My feelings left me poor.
Just crying on my floor.
Where the heart is
Home is where the heart is
But that heart will always be
Broken.
Shattered.
Hope Destroyed.
ALL because of you.
Are you proud of the things you do?
where did you go? (I closed my eyes)
Where did you go?
I only closed my eyes
For a couple seconds
But I guess this was the last time.
I thought you were growing tolerant,
Of my daily breakdowns.
I thought you were there to help me,
But now I know I’m a clown.
Where did you go?
I only closed my eyes,
For a little bit of time.
You were gone by the end of the night.
his new girl
he used to be my best friend,
then he found a girl,
and threw me away.
said she meant the world to him,
But what about me?
I was there at just darkest,
I gave him the light,
But now his new girl,
gets the glory of the fight
235th street truck stop
I remember being crammed.
In the back of your dad’s gray minivan.
You and I were singing songs.
While your little brother snored
Never thought you’d grow up to be strong.
And walk away leaving me ignored.
But here in this moment you were mine,
It was the best 55 minutes of my life.
Driving away from the 235th street truck stop
Bumping into me every time we hit a bump.
Your hand on my thigh when the lights all went off.
We were just kids, but I finally belonged.
You made me feel so special.
Then you threw away all my potential.
We got mini pizzas from the truck stop,
Looking into the fish tanks when your heart was still soft.
Before you were hardened by the world,
Your name is now my least favorite word.
Driving away from the 235th street truck stop
Bumping into me every time we hit a bump.
Your hand on my thigh when the lights all went off.
We were just kids, but I finally belonged.
You made me feel so special.
Then you threw away all my potential.
You’re so good at what you do.
Picking up crimes people couldn’t pull through.
Holding the knife and denying the truth
Like I do when I said I loved you.
I did!
I think I really did.
Never got to explore my emotions.
Through all the commotion.
Driving away from the 235th street truck stop
Bumping into me every time we hit a bump.
Your hand on my thigh when the lights all went off.
We were just kids, but I finally belonged.
You made me feel so special.
Then you threw away all my potential.
ripped
You ripped me open,
Just enough to let me bleed.
I wouldn’t die right away
I was bleeding slowly.
I’ll die someday.
my best
We were painting the story of our lives,
I gave you my best colors so you could shine.
We were writing stories,
I gave you my best lines, so you could fly.
We were cooking cakes and pies,
I gave you my best ingredients so you could dine.
We were trying to stay alive,
I gave you my heart so you wouldn’t die.
stranded
How could you do this
To someone you loved?
Sometimes I’m haunted
By the ghost of love.
Stranded on an island
Of hatred and doubt,
No matter how hard I tried
You left me with no way out.
KO
Really got me with that
Knock Out.
You really knew how to
Tear me down.
Falling faster then the
Speed of sound.
Say you love me but I’m
On the ground
From your
Knock Out.
We had friends in the mutual
We had love that was understandable.
We had everything but nothing now
Really hit me with a knock out.
Baby I tried,
Tried my whole life,
I bled and I died
You watched as I cried.
crop top killer
You never noticed me when I was looking for your hands,
The only thing youll ever see
Is the millions of notifications sent by me.
Cause I want to notice me.
You’ve got a perfect life,
I wish I could call it mine
So many damn friends
Who can love you more than I can.
You’ve got polaroids
On your insta I’ve been stalking.
We could be really good friends,
But I’m not good at talking.
the photographer
The photographer told me to smile,
But I haven’t done that in a while.
It hurts deep inside me, throwing it aside,
Into a big messy pile.
He told me to smile,
But it hurts when my teeth show,
Cause they’re not perfect,
That’s not all though.
I’m always thinking about you,
And that makes smiling impossible,
It’s hard when I’m blue,
It’s hard to feel valuable.
But I smile anyways,
It’ll all be okay,
Just push away you pain,
That’s what they say.
Ever since it happened,
It’s been hard to smile,
But can’t let it get to me,
I’m no longer a child.
no voice.
Who cares if I got hurt?
I torture your ears with every word.
They bleed and bleed,
But can I do anything?
Sew my lips together,
It’d be for the best,
If I had no voice,
Who cares about getting stuff of their chest?
say it
I want to say it,
But it stays on my tongue.
Stabing my tastebuds
Thorns, they last with broken love.
I’ll never say it,
It’s bound to my heart.
There are so many tings
I wish I could stay.
But it’ll tear you apart,
And that’s not okay.
fading
your smile fades into a frown
so fast when the energy goes down.
when you feel them losing interest
you start fading at their request
tsunamis
a single teardrop
can change the entire ocean.
small things become large
like the change you keep hoping,
will happen in their hearts,
but they're the same from the start.
just wait till a tsunami
comes and tears them apart.
altered reality
Ever since I met you
I’ve been living in this altered reality.
You threw everything onto it’s side
You really knew how to get to me.
don’t hate me
If you don’t hate me
then why can’t you look me in the eyes?
If I was counting the seconds,
I could only get to five,
Before you’d look away,
When did love get replaced with hate?
sleep
I want to be able to sleep
but all my brain wants
is to
think.
think.
think.
“Friends”
A beautiful lie I’ve been told all my life,
Twisting my mind into shapes of time.
I forget every time you committed a crime,
To my body when you call it “Mine”
If we were just “friends”
Why’d you ask if we could sleep together?
If you wanted it to end,
Tell me why did you even bother,
Making mends to a broken soul
Who you never let know
Before you walked away.
“Friends” don't want your heart
If they only want it to break.
searching for a meaning
The raven is a bird,
One who can live anywhere.
It often represents loss,
You’ve felt loss before, I feel it everywhere.
I’ve been searching for a meaning,
In any aspect of life,
I’ve gotten nowhere,
Just a bunch of tears that I’ve cried.
I’ve lost so much and gained so little.
What’s the point of “having fun” when the smile I’m wearing,
Is fake and brittle?
While the raven is a sign of loss,
It’s also a sign of prophecy or insight.
I’ve lost so much but maybe,
It was for the better, for a change in my life.
© andrewmeyer
intro
This book is a collection of poems I’ve written over the last couple of years. There’s such a wide variety of emotions here, ranging from anger to joy. This book is also VERY personal to me, it’s real stuff. I want to share it with people to help them and make sure they don’t ever feel alone like I did.
I fell in love with poetry a while ago, but writing has always been a part of my life. Poetry is my outlet, my way to escape the world, and it’s a coping mechanism.
But since there is such a wide variety in this book, some of the stuff is old, and I don’t feel like that anymore. At the same time, some of the stuff is recent and new.
When reading this, I don’t want you to think about me. This book is supposed to make you think about yourself. It’s supposed to be about connecting my words to your own stories and experiences.
My goal is that any reader will find at least one poem they connect with. I hope this book helps readers heal and grow from past pain. This book is for me and for anyone who reads it.
I love you, Andrew.
verbal symphonies
People say things they don’t always mean.
Singing verbal symphonies.
Telling the truth but covering it in lies,
Just like you made me believe.
I believed in you,
Held you up so high.
Then you cut my hands
So you could fly.
Now you’re free,
And that makes me happy.
Losing you
Was finding me
And my verbal symphonies.
who?
Who do you write about?
That’s for me to know
And for you to figure out.
I write about stories,
That came from my life.
But the origin
Isn't the reason I write.
I want you to find connections
In the simple words I say.
So don’t ask who I write about,
All you need to know is that I write about my pains.
So you can feel understood,
Everything is okay.
PART 1 - THE RAVEN
the raven
There were warnings,
But the people never gave them any attention.
You could shake your head in sorrow,
With the slightest mention,
Of the raven.
“Fear the raven” became a hackneyed saying.
He wants you dead, on the stick sits your head.
His deafing cry, one of loss and ancient innocence.
He sits above your shoulder as you cough up blood,
Laying ill on your death bed.
He lost the best thing he’d ever have.
It’s complex, but he was wishing death.
So now the only joy he finds is revenge,
The raven, he wants you dead.
overnight
I lost everything
Overnight.
I lost my one person
Overnight.
I lost my world
Overnight.
I lost a sense of happiness
Overnight.
All it took
Was one night
To ruin my life.
broken version of myself
We stand in this field,
With a frisbee in the sky.
It’s the only thing that connects you and me
Since I lost the connection in your eyes.
When did you lose feeling,
And when did I start falling?
We all should’ve known
I’d be the one crying.
You turned me into a broken version of myself,
Pushed me underwater as I was reaching for help.
Hid my pills when I had a failing health,
Just to watch me die, because you hated yourself.
matching t-shirts
now i sleep in our matching t-shirts,
even though you gave yours away.
i can live in my delusion,
thinking you would always stay.
never thought i’d loose a friend
like you.
but i did and there’s nothing
i can do.
but cry in our matching t-shirts,
when someone else is wearing yours,
maybe your 6th girlfriend,
or lying by your door.
Nigel
I was young and I was naïve,
I thought I was your one and only.
didn’t know your other friends,
thought they were all pretending.
Then Nigel showed up to your party.
you two look so happy.
you looked happier than when you were with me.
so, if I’m not good enough,
Tell me why you gave me love.
Yes, I tried to be the one.
but you love Nigel, guess he’s more fun.
I never liked plot twists,
but baby that’s all we were.
you make me feel so nauseous,
when I'm running away from your words.
I needed you, I put you first,
but you didn’t care, you’re the worst.
so, if I’m not good enough,
Tell me why you gave me love?
Yes, I tried to be the one.
but you love Nigel, guess he’s more fun.
his name always comes up in conversations,
No, I don’t really care about him.
don’t understand the hype, why you’d spend the night,
with him instead of me.
Do you really like Nigel more than me?
cause he’s all you talk about,
Now I'm starting to doubt.
everything from you to me,
I never wanted you to leave.
but you left as soon as Nigel showed up.
That's why I know I'm not enough.
so, if I’m not good enough,
Tell me why you gave me love?
Yes, I tried to be the one.
but you love Nigel, guess he’s more fun.
i was a child
does it ever cross your mind,
that i was a child when i called you mine,
that i was undeveloped but you still lied,
like a child could understand the sarcasm in “i love you”
i should’ve know it wasn’t right,
because when i looked into your eyes,
you never looked back the same.
i was a child when i wanted to die,
when you tortured my heart like i’d be fine.
i was a child when my i hated my life,
i’m still a child and it’s the same tonight.
Never Said Goodbye
You didn’t say goodbye,
Before you left my life,
You’re something I can’t deny,
I need you by my side
his eyes
His eyes,
Were eyes filled with lies.
While mine
Had tears that could run for miles.
something in my eye
I don’t know why I’m crying,
Maybe I got something in my eye,
Or maybe it’s just another day
Thinking about how you ruined my life.
Every time it gets harder to lie,
But I’m getting good at making people
Believe that I’m fine.
I’m not fine, but I will be with time.
I wish I cold pin a reason,
The tears flood from my eyes.
The only reasonable reason
Is I miss you, even though you ruined my life.
everything hurts now
I ran to the park this week, and you were there,
I stared at my feet, you probably didn’t care,
I acted all tough, just so you’d notice,
I’m not enough, I’ll just be honest.
It’s hard to get through a day because you’re always on my mind,
You’re in the back of my head,
All the time.
I make so many memories, but they all hurt in the end.
Because deep inside me, I think I’m losing a friend.
I want you to love me, the way you love the other ones,
Want you to trust me, Like I’m enough.
But everything hurts now,
cause you’re not by my side,
I want to learn how,
To just feel alright.
Whenever I think of the past, it hurts more when it lasts.
If it would just leave, then I could sleep in peace.
I remember everything we did together,
In vivid colors,
I hope that you remember,
That we still have each other.
But everything hurts now,
cause you’re not by my side,
I want to learn how,
To just feel alright.
tell everyone
You like to lie.
It’s your favorite hobby.
Add another lie to the list,
And tell everyone you never loved me.
I know you did,
You looked into my eyes,
Held me when I got reckless in the night,
Made me laugh when I thought I’d cry,
Gave me life, when I wanted to die.
How could you have lied?
hate.
There’s nobody I hate more than myself.
Theres no body I hate more than mine.
I should sleep
I should sleep
But you’re keeping me up.
Looking into your eyes
Over a screen I’m too afraid to touch.
I don’t want to become a devil like you,
I miss the friend I had before you grew.
Behave
I blame myself for loving you,
I was hoping something would come true
when it wasn’t meant to be,
you were made to leave me.
I can’t behave myself,
when you’re around.
I hate how bad it hurts,
when I hear the sound
of someone saying your name
it’s bringing me pain
as you walk away.
goodbye baby.
we were 9
Paper airplanes and soccer games,
Playing in the gym at our church
Before our lives changed
In so many ways.
We were nine when I first met you
I’ll turn 16 in two months.
I’ll never forget how I hurt you
How I walked right out of that love.
I called you my friend
I let you in on every secret
Just to find you never cared
Just to figure out it was pointless.
Two people, one room, 5 years, and a million tears.
It was May, it was the 12th of May.
I was sitting alone, and when you walked in
I was immediately not okay.
Just two people, in one room.
They can’t look into each others eyes,
Because that’s all they knew how to do.
Now they’ve gone separate ways,
And can not go back.
Even though you gave me friendship for 5 years,
I’m the one left with a million tears.
working out
So strong, you’ve been working out
So happy, make your parents proud
But deep down
You’re letting everybody down.
The way you look at me
Makes me rethink everything
Like the spring of 2019
When we were closer than we’d ever be.
Now, now that you’re working out,
You’re really letting me down.
I tried to scream for help
But you muffled my sounds.
Running From Change
I was standing on the side of the street
With a suitcase in my hand.
Some day
I’ll find a way
To escape
The change we face.
beginning to forget
There were moments
In between
That I’ll never remember
And you’ll never see.
You forgot about me
A long time ago.
Now I’m beginning to forget myself
My name is the only thing I know
following blindly
I let you walk me off a cliff,
held your hand all the way
Then I slipped.
You just watched it happen,
Didn’t cry,
When I died.
In my dreams you’re so cruel,
Deep down I know that’s not you,
I’d given you a million chances,
My dreams are all so tragic,
but that’s because of you.
following blindly that’s all I can do.
Gone Forever
When I fall,
Ill be falling forever.
No matter how hard you try.
You won’t catch me
You can’t save a dying flower.
Idaho skies
5 years will be over in 5 weeks,
i didn’t ever think you’d leave.
don’t know a world without you,
that’s something i never wanna go through.
this might be the last time i say your name,
you might never ever wanna see me again.
you’ll find a man and you’ll love him so,
you’ll have 3 kids and name one of them Hope.
cause that’s what i’ve held onto for years,
the hope that you’d hear my heart fear,
that i might lose you, and i guess i am now.
it kills me to think that you’re moving out of town.
someday you’ll forget my name,
memories will fade away.
i’ll never go to another volleyball game,
cause i never even got to see you play,
i only got to dance with you once,
i thought that that’d be enough,
but now i wish i had never let go,
i don’t wanna see you go.
when you look up at the Idaho skies,
do you think about the ones you left behind?
my little broken heart will stay,
cause you’re moving away.
we used to talk and laugh in the middle of class,
talk about the most random stuff and thoughts that we had.
right from the beginning i knew i was down bad,
now i’m crying cause i’m losing a friend.
i’m not just losing someone i’ve know forever,
i’m losing this dream that we’ll grow up together.
it’s a stupid fantasy i know,
i guess it’s time to let it go.
when you look up at the Idaho skies,
do you think about the ones you left behind?
my little broken heart will stay,
cause you’re moving away.
i bet you’ll forget about me,
find somebody who can replace me.
don’t you know that i’ll never forget you?
i’ll never find somebody like you.
when you look up at the Idaho skies,
do you think about the ones you left behind?
my little dying heart will stay,
how can love turn into pain?
what I deserve
nothing,
but harsh words and a knife
in my back every single night,
I deserve to feel pain,
and suffer for all the things I’ve done.
It's my fault that I lost someone.
Physical Things
I have a hard time
Believing in things I can’t see there,
So when you say you love me
It’s hard to think you even care.
I need someone to write it on paper
And hang it up to my heart.
The physical things
Keep me from falling apart.
slowly watching everyone leave.
A hug from a friend and a kiss on the cheek,
I’ve been slowly watching
Everyone leave me.
I don’t want to talk about it,
But it needs to escape.
So I lash out my pain on people,
Giving them another reason to walk away.
Does it make me selfish to cry?
I know so many people have it worse than I.
Doesn’t change the fact that I wanted to die.
miss me?
I’m searching for a smile,
In every picture I find.
But nothing will ever beat,
The first time,
I laid eyes
On someone who would hurt me.
Do you miss me?
Cause I know I do,
I lost myself in you.
Facetime
I wanna call you,
Wanna see you,
The hard part is I can’t feel you. But I can imagine your hands
On my face.
Holding my hair into place.
Staring into my eyes for endless days.
Wish I could hear your voice again,
I wish not everything had to end.
his house
I remember walking to his house
At 12:03 in the morning.
How could somebody
Change your life so drastically?
I’m not sure but ever since
That perfect August night.
I miss him,
He made everything feel alright.
Nobody comforts me
Like him.
Nobody was a better
friend.
I want to go back,
To his house.
calling you
I think about
calling you
every night.
but I can’t stand the
thought of us
getting in a fight.
I want to say sorry,
sorry for everything
I could ever do
I miss calling you.
corner of my room
You now sit in the corner of my room
Cause I can’t stand the fact that I miss you.
What makes a friend
If they just leave you hurt and stranded?
Can’t take down the pictures
Cause I’m too dramatic.
I leave you up
In the corner of my room
As a reminder
To be a better person than you.
last summer
cold lemonade,
in a red plastic cup,
i don’t feel okay,
maybe it’s just made up,
you’re jumping on your trampoline,
little did you know your the one in my dreams.
sweat on my skin,
since you passed by me,
you looked so lost,
but so happy,
i let you leave me way to fast,
you’d never stay, this never lasts.
last summer,
i cried way to much,
i still remember,
how love messed me up,
last summer,
i thought you were mine,
but you ran away,
just like every time.
in you’re backyard,
the sun in my eyes,
your sister just graduated,
how’s your life?
i watch as you talk with all of your friends,
i thought i was one of them but that depends.
last summer,
i cried way to much,
i still remember,
how love messed me up,
last summer,
i thought you were mine,
but you ran away,
just like every time.
the funny thing is,
you never left,
i blocked you out,
cause i couldn’t stand,
the thought that you’re happier,
then you ever were,
when i was beside you,
when i was your world.
last summer,
i cried way to much,
i still remember,
how love messed me up,
last summer,
i thought you were mine,
but you ran away,
just like every time.
sympathy
I’ve been shattering my
hopes and dreams
for a tiny bit
of sympathy.
a year ago
I’m not the person
I was a year ago.
Hearing things like that
Hits so much different
When you know it’s true.
I could let go
But we’ll always be connected.
Thats the curse,
That will never be lifted.
Wreckage
I hate myself,
For letting you go.
We crashed a long time ago,
You got out but I’ll never know,
What it’s like to be free,
Since the wreckage holds onto me.
my favorite memories
I’ve known you for 3 or 4 years now
You’ve always been the class clown
All those hockey games with big crowds
I never thought that you were too loud
You went to my birthday parties
Nothing was ever too sweet
You were always rewarding
You’d do anything for me
Whenever it’s just you and me
Those are my favorite memories
I wanna say that I’m sorry
For all the things that I did
But I love how crazy you can be
Such an immature kid
Playing in a cabin
You and me, and some friends
You got too excited
And I let you win
Win my heart
My mind
My time
I’ve missed you real bad
You were the best thing I had
But it’s gone now, oh well
Everytime you choose to sit by me
Like a beautiful symphony
How do you make me laugh?
All the time
I just wish
You were mine
Whenever it’s just you and me
Those are my favorite memories
I wish it was just you and me
You’re my favorite memory
mental hospital
they’ll send me to a mental hospital
while you pretend that you’re fine.
when deep down, we both know,
you are dying inside.
beyond my control
Losing you,
Was beyond my control.
The story of us,
Was already written out
Even if the end is sad and cold.
Losing you was never my goal,
But it was beyond my control.
If it was up to me,
We would be
INFINITY.
list
I was once at the top of your list,
all you cared about,
all you needed.
but every day
I become less and less
of a priority.
crying on my floor at 11pm
My tears fall down my face,
As I type away my pain.
I didn’t think that I could cry again.
I was left broken and empty,
You didn’t care about me,
I didn’t think that I could cry again.
If I broke down in front of you,
Would you be right by my side,
If I gave it all up for you,
Would you give me back my life?
If I told you how I really felt,
Would you care to find my desolate,
Would you open up your arms,
And let me in?
Until then,
I’ll just be crying on my floor.
My fears all came back to life,
You walked right in the door last night,
I didn’t think that I could cry so much.
Until I’m happy once again,
I’ll live my life with my best friends,
I didn’t think that I could cry so much.
I didn’t think that I could cry so much.
Cause,
If I broke down in front of you,
Would you be right by my side,
If I gave it all up for you,
Would you give me back my life?
If I told you how I really felt,
Would you care to find my desolate,
Would you open up your arms,
And let me in?
Oh, I couldn’t even look you in the eyes,
Couldn’t give you what you like,
Oh, I tried my best to be your guy,
But all I ever do is cry.
If I broke down in front of you,
Would you be right by my side,
If I gave it all up for you,
Would you give me back my life?
If I told you how I really felt,
Would you care to find my desolate,
Would you open up your arms,
And let me in?
Cause If I broke down in front of you,
You wouldn’t be by my side,
Yeah, I gave it all up for you,
But you still won’t give me back my life,
If I told you how I really felt,
Would you care to find my desolate,
Would you open up your arms,
And let me in?
Until then,
I’ll just be crying on my floor.
My back against my door.
My feelings left me poor.
Just crying on my floor.
Where the heart is
Home is where the heart is
But that heart will always be
Broken.
Shattered.
Hope Destroyed.
ALL because of you.
Are you proud of the things you do?
where did you go? (I closed my eyes)
Where did you go?
I only closed my eyes
For a couple seconds
But I guess this was the last time.
I thought you were growing tolerant,
Of my daily breakdowns.
I thought you were there to help me,
But now I know I’m a clown.
Where did you go?
I only closed my eyes,
For a little bit of time.
You were gone by the end of the night.
his new girl
he used to be my best friend,
then he found a girl,
and threw me away.
said she meant the world to him,
But what about me?
I was there at just darkest,
I gave him the light,
But now his new girl,
gets the glory of the fight
235th street truck stop
I remember being crammed.
In the back of your dad’s gray minivan.
You and I were singing songs.
While your little brother snored
Never thought you’d grow up to be strong.
And walk away leaving me ignored.
But here in this moment you were mine,
It was the best 55 minutes of my life.
Driving away from the 235th street truck stop
Bumping into me every time we hit a bump.
Your hand on my thigh when the lights all went off.
We were just kids, but I finally belonged.
You made me feel so special.
Then you threw away all my potential.
We got mini pizzas from the truck stop,
Looking into the fish tanks when your heart was still soft.
Before you were hardened by the world,
Your name is now my least favorite word.
Driving away from the 235th street truck stop
Bumping into me every time we hit a bump.
Your hand on my thigh when the lights all went off.
We were just kids, but I finally belonged.
You made me feel so special.
Then you threw away all my potential.
You’re so good at what you do.
Picking up crimes people couldn’t pull through.
Holding the knife and denying the truth
Like I do when I said I loved you.
I did!
I think I really did.
Never got to explore my emotions.
Through all the commotion.
Driving away from the 235th street truck stop
Bumping into me every time we hit a bump.
Your hand on my thigh when the lights all went off.
We were just kids, but I finally belonged.
You made me feel so special.
Then you threw away all my potential.
ripped
You ripped me open,
Just enough to let me bleed.
I wouldn’t die right away
I was bleeding slowly.
I’ll die someday.
my best
We were painting the story of our lives,
I gave you my best colors so you could shine.
We were writing stories,
I gave you my best lines, so you could fly.
We were cooking cakes and pies,
I gave you my best ingredients so you could dine.
We were trying to stay alive,
I gave you my heart so you wouldn’t die.
stranded
How could you do this
To someone you loved?
Sometimes I’m haunted
By the ghost of love.
Stranded on an island
Of hatred and doubt,
No matter how hard I tried
You left me with no way out.
KO
Really got me with that
Knock Out.
You really knew how to
Tear me down.
Falling faster then the
Speed of sound.
Say you love me but I’m
On the ground
From your
Knock Out.
We had friends in the mutual
We had love that was understandable.
We had everything but nothing now
Really hit me with a knock out.
Baby I tried,
Tried my whole life,
I bled and I died
You watched as I cried.
crop top killer
You never noticed me when I was looking for your hands,
The only thing youll ever see
Is the millions of notifications sent by me.
Cause I want to notice me.
You’ve got a perfect life,
I wish I could call it mine
So many damn friends
Who can love you more than I can.
You’ve got polaroids
On your insta I’ve been stalking.
We could be really good friends,
But I’m not good at talking.
the photographer
The photographer told me to smile,
But I haven’t done that in a while.
It hurts deep inside me, throwing it aside,
Into a big messy pile.
He told me to smile,
But it hurts when my teeth show,
Cause they’re not perfect,
That’s not all though.
I’m always thinking about you,
And that makes smiling impossible,
It’s hard when I’m blue,
It’s hard to feel valuable.
But I smile anyways,
It’ll all be okay,
Just push away you pain,
That’s what they say.
Ever since it happened,
It’s been hard to smile,
But can’t let it get to me,
I’m no longer a child.
no voice.
Who cares if I got hurt?
I torture your ears with every word.
They bleed and bleed,
But can I do anything?
Sew my lips together,
It’d be for the best,
If I had no voice,
Who cares about getting stuff of their chest?
say it
I want to say it,
But it stays on my tongue.
Stabing my tastebuds
Thorns, they last with broken love.
I’ll never say it,
It’s bound to my heart.
There are so many tings
I wish I could stay.
But it’ll tear you apart,
And that’s not okay.
fading
your smile fades into a frown
so fast when the energy goes down.
when you feel them losing interest
you start fading at their request
tsunamis
a single teardrop
can change the entire ocean.
small things become large
like the change you keep hoping,
will happen in their hearts,
but they're the same from the start.
just wait till a tsunami
comes and tears them apart.
altered reality
Ever since I met you
I’ve been living in this altered reality.
You threw everything onto it’s side
You really knew how to get to me.
don’t hate me
If you don’t hate me
then why can’t you look me in the eyes?
If I was counting the seconds,
I could only get to five,
Before you’d look away,
When did love get replaced with hate?
sleep
I want to be able to sleep
but all my brain wants
is to
think.
think.
think.
“Friends”
A beautiful lie I’ve been told all my life,
Twisting my mind into shapes of time.
I forget every time you committed a crime,
To my body when you call it “Mine”
If we were just “friends”
Why’d you ask if we could sleep together?
If you wanted it to end,
Tell me why did you even bother,
Making mends to a broken soul
Who you never let know
Before you walked away.
“Friends” don't want your heart
If they only want it to break.
searching for a meaning
The raven is a bird,
One who can live anywhere.
It often represents loss,
You’ve felt loss before, I feel it everywhere.
I’ve been searching for a meaning,
In any aspect of life,
I’ve gotten nowhere,
Just a bunch of tears that I’ve cried.
I’ve lost so much and gained so little.
What’s the point of “having fun” when the smile I’m wearing,
Is fake and brittle?
While the raven is a sign of loss,
It’s also a sign of prophecy or insight.
I’ve lost so much but maybe,
It was for the better, for a change in my life.
© andrewmeyer
