Hello world . 

That's where I started I think, and althoe it was only just a month or two ago that my journey started with all of you here it's been a long sad and difficult  road for me but  looking back on it all it has been quite enlightening as well frustrating mixed with a few other fine for letter f words I'm sure the future phinn won't forcibly forget for sure. I'd like to think that it only began  a year ago when I finally got a boost up from covid and our not so well adjusted goverment (thanks all the same to the tax payers and all three houses of divided representatives for coming together on that one !) But the truth is that I'm sure my journey started long long long before that, as many of yours must have as well. So that being said I owe everyone a big fat apologie for being the big self righteous  pompous smart @** (but only smart enough to make a royal mess of things as I tend to do, but hey at least now you know how I earned my childhood  nickname the Dragon.) Who thinks just because he's self aware he's free to do as he pleases to wake up others without regard to the consequences , perception  of others or even that when I say I try to lead by example , or that if I need to be the change in the world that I wish to see that I'm doing a horrible job at setting an example . To top that off I'm usually charging in head first without thinking with my mouth firmly placed on the the gas peddle about a mile infront of my face so I tend to not only stir the pot but also take a bath in that boiling hot water I cooked up while splashing it on everyone else while doing so. For that and to everyone I've caused damage  to, weather with or without intention due to the ignorance as to what kind of new world I was stepping into I'm truly sorry. I appreciate  your attempts to guide me through  something i had no understanding  of . it caught me off guard in such a way and at such a strange point in my life you all got to see one of the absolute  worst  sides of me. adequately displayed in full 3d view for the whole world to see what a hippocritical unpleasant Human I can be. i won't apologize for that because we all have that place where the world dare not tread. a fear of what people think if they only knew of the scary monster of a truth we all protect. weak moments and bad days, yeah I have them as we all do. however that is a $#¡+ excuse. ⁶⁶no one deserves  to beaten over the head with such verbal weapons  or dissolution  as I have well aimed and demonstrated  at you kind people .  I want to thank everyone who tried to make me see the error in my ways or teach me the lessons I was missing . From the teachers who secretly  hoped  for my eventual  success and backed me even when i showed no respect in return. to those of you who are trying to better the world around them as well as themselves everyday . including  my parents who tho may be a bit petty sometimes always want the best for me (I guess sometimes the best way to show a child they're being a brat is by being just as childish  in return.) I personally  never wanted to do any harm to any people in or engage in illegal activity I just wanted to learn and do more. Tho difficult  situations  mixed with bad choices and the lack of courage to ask for help because  of it I made a little problem into a big mess for everyone and even if this is a permanent  mark on how you, your affiliates , and the world sees me I appreciate  the opportunity  and the life lessons give. ( tho don't take it personal if I still want throw you down a flight of stairs into a vat  of rabid weasels while wearing a meat suit drenched in honey, and NO that's not a double ontaundra . ) to the LGBTQ  community weather Google or not I so many other times before. I)l off totally dropped the ball on that one and it breaks my heart to know I did so. The truth is I'm pansexual. I do like the lady's but not nearly as much as I love you gurls  out there, and any man should be proud to call you his girlfriend  or wife no matter what the situation  is . I'm not ashamed of loving you lovely lady's or being with you in all of the rest of the world. why it would suddenly  be a problem because of 1 or 2 people in my life (who in all reality  can keep their opinions  to themselves if they got something to say about it.) Dictate  my actions and behavior  is appalling  to me. knowing damn well y'all are the most fascinating  and beautiful  creatures  on this earth to me and when you needed me to step up and be your champion  I turned out to be just another scared fool. I'm sorry thats not who I am . I'm not sure where my confidence  suddenly  went or why I felt it was ok to just turn my back on y'all but I promise  it will never happen again I love y'all and I will stand strong again for you with no shame if you give me the chance to do so. Much love y'all. As for grace , jeana , and the rest of that extended  family  well I don't know what to tell you other then I love  you all and i f♡<%

Thank you  all for  your time

Consideration and Hope's 

Sinsearly and humbly, 

Phinnieus jay freeman

Aka

Bret (bj) gene jarvis

Aka 

Cheshire Jean freeman

Aka

the dragon!

Ps I look forward to your reply. And again im truly sorry  for  being a royal pain. 😔



© phinnieus j.

OK so this is mostly because I'm short on words apparently which really means I've got 1 huge blown apology above me. I'd really like to point out something about family. global or not first thing being that of love them and keep them close but not to close in all reality they don't need to know all the things in your world. it can be decimating to everyone and leave you alone and in the dark as not to say that you crawl up from nothing again.and again but truth be told it's much easier if you don't put yourself into that position in the first place so