CONFESSIONS OF A WORSHIPER
By M.E
2020
#lockdown edition
She went to the bar and she liked it. She went to church and she loved it.

CHAPTER 1

Charmingly curious

Peer pressure? Nope. Depression ,nope ,atleast not at the Genesis . Curiosity, yepp ,that very one that killed the lousy cat😊! "One drink ,just to know what it feels like ,tick it off my list" ,she said to herself . Was it though ,just one drink 😂, naah .......

"Party after party" ,Big trill was spot on with this song, and with every party came drinks (OH) . Liquor not beer , it ddntdidn't smell ,more expensive though ! What did it matter ,she wasn't paying🤭 . Wednesday till Saturday , midnight to 6am, through cold rainy nights,travelled miles in uncomfortable rides, squashed between thighs ,heaped like sacks of potatoes 😂, all for what ? Being hailed as the life of the party(as many others were) ,she thought she liked it .

"Enjoy the days of your youth" they half quoted the holy book . Skimpy in the cold , her life in the hands of drunk, high-on-weed drivers , on her feet all night in search for a place that had the right crowd that knew how to have fun . Bar hopping they call it .

One must "happen" they say . Life is too short- the famous consolation . You only live once (YOLO)- they preach! Yes ,the devil has a gospel, only his is not good news ,but a wolf in I'll fitting sheep's clothing that only the spiritually sobbersober can see!

Make no mistake, she was born into a Christian family , even confessed Christ as her Lord and savior , but this did not keep the tempter away! Infact he patiently waited for the opportune time to jump in, adolescence and independence from 'the adults' cleared the tempting field.

"I can protect myself ",she assured herself , and she usually 'drank responsibly' as the add says and never accepted free rides with strangers. Then a new reality set in , depression ,very silent and artistically hidden behind the wit and the charm. Even a shrink would never tell.

Church was furthest from her agenda ,"They are all false preachers, I can always read the Bible myself", she convinced herself . To steal ,kill and destroy and he had so far managed the first part of his tripod mission. Hangover every Sunday , thanking God for bringing her back safely -the irony-.




One drink that was ,became a Cola punch, then graduated to shots on shots 😅 ,blue, translucent, with flames ,without falmesflames ,salt and lemon! Chei, week in week out -ati life is too short- even to enjoy good night's sleep? The devil is a lier indeed.

Did the depression go away,nah , but in whom could she confide anyway .She was the confidant of many.Did the family know of this lifestyle, her agematesage mates yes , the 'adults' no,for they still thought her their princess,the family mantle.

The prodigal daughter , speaking a foreign tongue from that of her father , living a life of hustle to have fun . Speeding through the night at the back of a Bajaj , squashed with 2others and all the while praying to the Father to keep them safe .Oh and how faithful HE was and is and always will be.

A namesake ,in search of 'fun' , was crushed by a cargo truck ,one fateful night (RIP) this one's life indeed ended without warning. Did she desist from 'happening' nope , rather she prayed for more protection and forgiveness for the past escapades.

She passes out on a washroom floor for about 2hours, at the back of a car from an introduction, weddings she gatecrushedgatecrashed , the nasty hangovers, did this change her ways , nah 😂 ,it was just another experience to tick of her list. This cat was on its 8th life.

All this while she did not desecrate the holy place with her presence ,for she thought it would be hypocrisy because she wasn't ready for that yet .So sadly she kept away. By this time she could draw the map of Kampala with her eyes closed and sadly the only land marks would be hangout spots.

The peers influenced but did not pressure. Everyone in her circles was living that life ,so it seemed to be okay - if we die ,we die-. Like that, the night life became the norm , the day was recovery time , from hangovers and muscle cramps and to replace lost calories. Appetite loss gave birth to weight loss and memory loss followed.













CHAPTER 2

Bitter sweet all in one sqoopscoop!

Fast forward , boys ,boys ,boys . Boys and heart breaks ,😂, the girl girl child has suffered ! Like a moth to a burning flame ,they were attracted to the tinted charm. No bias ,but boys surely ,target your adventurous selves in a different direction !

She learned to love and shortly after that very love taught her to hate the species even more than before! The betrayal left a nasty scar where affection once nested. She did not just give love a chance ,but gave it her all . The dubs ,the rubs ,fire and ice ,looked good only in the night light and were never good for one another.

Independence ,exploration ,lancing gave rise to rumours , of what she was and was not. More months to the flame ! But could she keep up with the appearances despite the depression plus trust issues plus hatred,now rumours , heartbreak in a small package ,could she? You
would really have to be psychic to see through that charm.

Denial (enemy of progress)wheeled itself into the healing process lasted a while , 'just 10minutes' she told herself is what she thought would break the chain. "No time to weep or appear weak ,"she reminded herself ,"you have people to be strong for".

Let's back up a little ........

Did you know that there are many ways to package weed? A cigarette roll, a cookie ,a tablet, and cake . Yepp ,an innocent looking birthday cake 😂 more than one way to kill a rat ! (mission number 2 of the tempter - to kill-).
Her initiator ,curiosity, was back in the picture , and so some she tried and others I guess God was watching over her ,so she survived . The side effects ,hmmmm , paranoia and palpitations.

Moving on ,sin after sin , she was drowning and getting weary. Her little legs could not stand all night anymore , what a low OH tolerance , and the reality that life wasn't that short stepped in. Life was going on , ime was passing by and she remembered she had goals, deadlines and especially a future to look forward to .Can you relate ?

She cut back on the drinks and the night life to Friday and or Saturday . Not so amused were many . The lifestyle had stopped making sense , the false praises, the bitter drinks ,hangovers.Even through all this ,suicide was not on her list of solutions. She had so much to live for. Was it the hand of God ?


Tears cleanse and moisturise the eyes. Tears of joy and those of pain .......all are reactions of what fills the heart .The eyes are the windows to the soul ,and so it seems the tap was left running! Her closet was a counselling room , she being the counselor and counselee ( if that exists). "If I don't party , I'll lose my friends , cheap popularity ,possible connections ,and be seen as fake ," she sobbed and yet she was instead losing herself .

If only she knew how much she had been missing on the other side of life . The peace of mind and heart , the free love that is unfailing and overflowing , Devine connections ,friends that become family and a safe place to hide under the wings of the father.

No night hustle in the cold, assured solutions,love and friendships that is untainted and unconditional. No life threatening drinks and hangovers , where her body is not up for display to be touched by every street rat ,where she did not have to be skimpy to get noticed .


Friends can either make you or break you. Like the famous saying goes - show me your friends and I will tell you the kind of person that you are- how true .
It doesn't take much to be an agent or a marketer of the devil , not supernatural powers , one just needs to have a smooth tongue and be cunning and also have opportunity in hand .
So she would innocently invite some other people out , to 'have fun' not knowing that she was fetching firewood for Lucifer that isn't willing to burn alone.

She completely forgot how talented she was , who could tell anyway in that noisy 'kavuyo' of dj mixes and drunken screams of wrong lyrics to the latest, oldies and upcoming songs . No one cares , especially if it's not a talent that's bringing drinks to the table. She had been robbed of her light ,and distracted by flattery and false happiness ,even though the dance floor was her court , dancing was never her calling.

If you are not light skinned enough ,better be a good dancer or have a big nyash (the girl with the biggest behind) oh if only walls could talk😆- that was the silent creed. I guess you can figure out where her fate landed .







CHAPTER 3

Beauty for ashes !

Love is patient and kind and this is the true definationdefinition of the FatherFather and he also rebukes those that he loves and rebuke HE did. Gave her something to calm her down , she had a reason to focus , a reason to repent , a reason to pray not just for protection but redemption from this hiccup!

The Father sent her a female 'Moses' to deliver her out of her 'Egypt' for many are called but few are chosen. Was the hiccup a plague ? Were there more to come? She couldn't tell . But by this time she had lost what she was scared of losing in the first place ,and she hadn't even crossed over yet.

First was a simple ,harmless church fellowship , months later turned into Sunday church services. Everything was happening so first , she was given and opportunity on her first arrival ,and my oh my ....even the angels in heaven could not desist from joining in .
That morning the light of the world stepped down into the darkness that filled her soul. And that was the beginning of the beginning😍.So yes ,she went to church and she loved it


Of course still blind , and carnal she didn't notice the light ,at first. A near death experience,alone in a washroom, made it her last drink. The drinking ceases but the partying ...well once in a while ..... She had vowed to change . For what does profit a man if he gains pleasures and treasures of the world but lose their soul in the process.

She had been introduced to a team , to back up , so she had to be sober on Sunday , so Saturday was off the partying time table. The tempter did not see this coming , maybe he was preoccupied with a new project.

The weight and burden of sin was off her shoulders , everything that seemed to be important ,ceased to be . She had nothing to lose really ,this was the way she was taking , however much she didn't give up on all her friends .

They did not buy it ,like her before they were not ready for such commitments yet. That web is hard to get out of unless you close your ears to the noise . Many times they fell in and out of church depending on their relationships' weather .The ways of a double minded man are unstable.

Constantly switching between the two places of worship the bar and church . Hard to believe right ! Notice the similarities of both places , music ,dancing , hailing , offerings , pay day has full house in either place to bring tithes ,the only difference is who is being worshipped .Just as God our Father grants spiritual gifts , the devil does give abilities for as long as he is permitted or granted access to ones body through an invitation that is sin be it action or thought. .

So she had experience ,from the bar , but timid from that religious history - 'be humble ,no clapping ,you can't be loud in church' -hypocrites! Confused about what to do she assigned herself to the background , which was no place for a gift like hers. Who lights a candle and hides it under the table ? The Father clearly had a lot of work to do in this returnee of a prodigal daughter. Being the good ,good Father that HE is ,God is patient enough to take baby steps.

Are the paragraphs getting thicker ,yes 😂 hihihi , keep calm , maybe the ending is near!





CHAPTER 4

Come as you are but don't stay as you were !

He took off her dirty robes and clothed her with fine,royal robes ,washed her spotless and a front row seat at the altar, all that was left was a crown on her head. Like Joseph said what the enemy meant for evil ,God turned it around for her good! She was now the life of the church . The depression was gone ,the exhaustion, weariness oohh she took it all to the Father in prayer.

She wondered what she ever saw in (OH) , because she was in church and now she was in love with it!But then again ,she was neither hot not cold. Saturday , is a day she now looked forward to , for she got to spend time in the holy place ,doing what she loved best .

Conflicting loyalty , to the Father and to friends because , life out there was still goiy on without her . The pictures ,the 'jazz' , brought nostalgia and at times she convinced herself that a birthday party at a bar is okay , as long as she is not drinking the OH . But is it though? Is it ? She risked being spat out because she juggled the Saturdays .


Was this new life a walk through paradise .....not exactly , for to purify gold it has to go through a furnace. Only Joseph ,Job and Jesus Christ can testify to this. She was tested , but she never let go of that rope , God was her do or die . Nothing , no amount of depression, lack ,loneliness was taking her back . The accuser was back .

Life is short ,true , especially when you make wrong decisions . You only live once ,correct, when you worship the wrong guy ! But you can surely live twice , now and in the after life .
If you follow the only WAY-christ , listen to the TRUTH-the gospel of Christ , and bask in the Everlasting LIFE - with the Father !
Those that have ears should hear , listen and act. But did they even hear or listen ? The chains around their necks too heavy , their hands have curved out what they prefer to bow to ,and venerate bones of the dead.


Out of the furnace came pure gold ! The coal brought forth diamond . Beauty where there were ashes .