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The Thoughts Within
Never did I imagine the day would come when you would LEAVE ME. but you see, it's not the fact that YOU LEFT ME or the fact that YOU LEFT US, that makes my heart feel UNSTABLE as if its CRACKING alittle TOO MUCH FROM ONE SIDE. NO!!!, What leaves me feeling SO UNSETTLED, SO BETRAYED, SO BROKEN almost, is the WAY that YOU LEFT ME.
I just cant seem to wrap my head around it. ITS THE WAY THAT YOU LEFT ME, and NOT ONLY ME, but the WAY that YOU LEFT OUR KIDS AS WELL. It makes me feel as If I've been BEATEN to the point of EXHAUSTION, it makes my entire body feel WEAK, TIRED, EMPTY. The thoughts that go through my mind are so EXTREMELY COMPLEX.
So as I go about my day, I TRY VERY HARD to make it a point NOT to think of YOU. Some days, all is fine and I WIN and those days are CALM like their even QUIET like. KINDA LIKE THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM. FREE OF CHAOS and NO DESTRUCTION happens.
but then there are those days that my BROKENHEART wins and I start thinking of YOU. Thats when I begin to be CAUTIOUS of my BEHAVIOR. I start to feel A BIT AFRAID of MYSELF. Somedays I'm even AFRAID that my thoughts will be the ones that break me and I'm going to go INSANE or that MY HEART WILL STOP BEATING AND I WILL DIE OF A BROKENHEART.
YES.... I do realize how extremely false my thoughts are, but that very moment, that those thoughts cross my mind, I could swear to you that is what I feel. Its like I'm AFRAID that the pain that I have locked inside my heart to protect myself from having to actually deal or endure the pain will come out like the lava from a volcano when it erupts, So heavy like, VICIOUS its HEATED. It's the heated to m the extreme that if it comes in contact with a human it can cause pain, hurt, burn and even kill. When my thoughts go to you, they are often are UNPREDICTABLE, UNNERVING even. the way you creep into my thoughts. It makes me feel as If someone has taken all of my oxygen out of the very room I stand in. AND i cant seem to take a breath like if all the air from my body has been sucked out and I can't take a breath in. It makes me feel as If I'm drowning in the ocean with no life jacket and no one around to save me.
© Stephanie mh
I just cant seem to wrap my head around it. ITS THE WAY THAT YOU LEFT ME, and NOT ONLY ME, but the WAY that YOU LEFT OUR KIDS AS WELL. It makes me feel as If I've been BEATEN to the point of EXHAUSTION, it makes my entire body feel WEAK, TIRED, EMPTY. The thoughts that go through my mind are so EXTREMELY COMPLEX.
So as I go about my day, I TRY VERY HARD to make it a point NOT to think of YOU. Some days, all is fine and I WIN and those days are CALM like their even QUIET like. KINDA LIKE THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM. FREE OF CHAOS and NO DESTRUCTION happens.
but then there are those days that my BROKENHEART wins and I start thinking of YOU. Thats when I begin to be CAUTIOUS of my BEHAVIOR. I start to feel A BIT AFRAID of MYSELF. Somedays I'm even AFRAID that my thoughts will be the ones that break me and I'm going to go INSANE or that MY HEART WILL STOP BEATING AND I WILL DIE OF A BROKENHEART.
YES.... I do realize how extremely false my thoughts are, but that very moment, that those thoughts cross my mind, I could swear to you that is what I feel. Its like I'm AFRAID that the pain that I have locked inside my heart to protect myself from having to actually deal or endure the pain will come out like the lava from a volcano when it erupts, So heavy like, VICIOUS its HEATED. It's the heated to m the extreme that if it comes in contact with a human it can cause pain, hurt, burn and even kill. When my thoughts go to you, they are often are UNPREDICTABLE, UNNERVING even. the way you creep into my thoughts. It makes me feel as If someone has taken all of my oxygen out of the very room I stand in. AND i cant seem to take a breath like if all the air from my body has been sucked out and I can't take a breath in. It makes me feel as If I'm drowning in the ocean with no life jacket and no one around to save me.
© Stephanie mh
