At the back of school.

“Hey, what's up? And are you okay now? You were absent for two weeks.” Andrei spoke, breaking the silence that's enveloping us. He's leaning on the wall at the back of our building. His eyes on the ground.

Andrei is my classmate since 1st year of high school and I like him. I secretly like him.

“Hey, I'm asking, Hazel.” He spoke again.

I was absent these past two weeks because I was admitted to the hospital again. I have a cancer and it's in a terrible stage as I hear so. I mean, I heard from the doctor that I have only months or so to live.

“Uhm, do you like someone?” Instead of answering his question, I throw another question.

He paused and suddenly looked at me, his eyes are gazing at me deeply before he eventually looked away, “I guess.” He shrugged.

After hearing his answer, I can't help but chuckle and impulsively said, “What a lucky girl.” But I mean it. She is, indeed, lucky to be liked by this man. He's so incredible that he never missed to amaze me throughout these years.

I sighed, looked up before glancing at him sideways before saying the words that I don't want to regret if I didn't tell him before I am gone, “I like you.” Since the first time our eyes met and my heart skipped a beat for you. Since I can vaguely remember but you atleast didn't disappear in my head, renting free everyday.

Andrei froze on his spot like he didn't expected what I said while I tremble on where I stand because of pain. I just didn't know if the pain was because of my illness or my heart. Maybe both. I don't know.

I am not expecting anything. Did I?

Taking a deep breath, I took a step away from him and gave him my sweetest and bright smile I could ever wear in my life, “I just wanted to say it.” I said and turned my back at him, not just to walk away but to also hide, “Thank you and farewell, Andrei .” Thank you for letting me experience what it feels like to have feelings for someone. Farewell for this is the last time I could ever build a courage to face you.

After ten steps away, I suddenly heard him shouted the words that will be followed by my blackened vision.

“I also like you, Hazel! Since we're in our first year of high school! And! And!
M-May I court you?” My heart is in a bliss. I am so happy. It feels like the world that were in front of me were vivid and full of colors and hope.

Ah… I really like you.

My heart throbbed against my chest and a metallic taste filled my mouth. I covered my lips and decided to turn around and look at him.

I am not feeling good. My body is suddenly feeling so heavy.

However, when I turned my body with all efforts, I suddenly felt weake like I exhausted all my strength that I dropped on the ground.

I felt it. I felt how my body slammed backwards and how I felt so dizzy.

Forcing my eyelids to open, a vague silhouette came to my view and I also heard a voice speaking so hurriedly but it didn't filter in as my heart beat against my ears. It hurts.

Ah… it hurts. He said he likes me too. But it hurts. It hurts a lot.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I like you a lot.


© Trisha Ancuna