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The Rose Garden
I didn’t realize I was dead until I heard my mother crying.
I felt like someone just snapped their fingers and I awakened from a hypnotist’s trance. I took in my surroundings, saw that I was in a hospital room and more importantly, I was in a hospital bed.
The weird thing was, I was standing by the door.
My mom was resting her head on my chest, her cries ripping at my heart, my stepdad Dave was holding my hand and wiping away a tear himself while my little sister Lucy, who was 12, stood at the foot of the bed, her face a mask of shock.
“He can’t be gone, ’I heard my mom say over and over until it finally sunk in.
I was dead. Dead at 19, my whole future now an abyss of absolute nothingness.
For some reason it took me a while to figure out what had happened.
I knew I had come home from college for the weekend, it was a Saturday morning and Mom always made me pancakes for breakfast and this morning we were out of syrup.
I’d volunteered to go to the store,to get some and after that the last thing I remembered was stopping at a red light. Nothing else.
From the looks of things it appeared I’d been in an accident. One side of my face was completely swollen and I had a huge gash across my forehead.
‘The doctors did everything they could Mary, ’Dave said, his words of comfort falling on deaf ears as Mom continued sobbing.
So this was it. Toby Clarke, dead at 19.
I had a closed casket funeral. Mom insisted on it and Dave delivered the eulogy. He spoke of how proud he was to have had a chance to be my father after my own dad had died when I was 4. He spoke of my academic achievements, how excited he and my mom had been when I told them I wanted to study botany, how Lucy’s birth had completed our family and what a great big brother I'd been.
Through it all, Lucy sat quietly in her seat, now and again wiping away a tear and Mom just kept looking at the photo of me they had placed on the casket which was covered in roses, my favourite flowers.
The photo was taken the day of my high school graduation. I had my mop of unruly curls specially trimmed to look halfway decent and it was the first time I had ditched my glasses for contacts. Mom told me she never noticed what a nice shade of green my eyes were until I did that.
The whole service went as well as could be expected, but that night, for the first time ever, I heard Mom and Dave argue. Really argue.
‘Don’t you dare tell me how to feel, ’Mom said in an icy whisper. ’He wasn’t your son, you don’t know how it feels!’
The troubled look on Dave’s face was soon replaced by one of pure rage. I’d seen him angry before, but never like this.
‘Do you think I loved him any less? Do you Mary? For all intents and purposes he was my son too!’
That was the first of many such arguments.
I had no concept of time . For all I knew months could have passed and nothing would have changed from my point of view. I had this feeling deep inside me that I didn’t belong in this world anymore.
It felt strange, being dead and still being torn in two, not knowing whether I should look for the place I belonged or stay and watch my family fall apart.
Mom and Dave had all but ended their marriage. The fights between them had grown progressively worse and Lucy was caught in the middle. She spent all her time in her room nowadays, venturing out only to eat or watch a little tv.
It was so obvious to everyone including her that Mom and Dave were only putting up a united front for her sake. There was still love between them, but sometimes not even love can bridge a great divide.
The phone call came one afternoon,while Mom was sitting in my room, which she had kept exactly as I had left it.
There had been an accident and Lucy was in hospital.
Thankfully it was nothing serious. She was riding her bike home from school and the roads were wet from the rains which had fallen earlier. Somehow she'd skidded and gone flying towards the tarmac. She broke her arm and had a slight concussion, but otherwise she was fine. I don’t know how mom managed to make it to the hospital in one piece. After that phone call she'd been like a woman possessed. Nothing and no one could calm her in the waiting room and then all of a sudden, for a few minutes, she just disappeared. Dave asked her about it later that night.
“I went to the chapel,” she said, staring straight ahead of her. “I tried to bargain with God…not to take another child…”
“Mary,” Dave said, his voice breaking, “Mary…”
For the first time in how long, the tears they shed together were not borne of anger.
It was Lucy who came up with the idea some time later.
The three of them were having breakfast and things had really begun to improve between Mom and Dave. The arguments had been replaced by compromise, the tears by smiles.
“Don’t you guys think it would be cool to plant a rose garden in honour of Toby?” she asked in between bites of her toast. Both Mom and Dave looked surprised by her suggestion.
“Roses sweetie?” Mom said
“Yeah,”Lucy continued, “they were his favourite flowers and every time it blooms we can think of him.”
I could see Mom and Dave were both fighting back the tears, the emotion on their faces naked for all to see.
“Good idea, baby girl,” Dave said, “that’s what we’ll do today.'
I don’t know how much time passed, but finally on a beautiful Sunday morning, the roses were in full bloom. Lucy was the first to see it and excitedly ran into the house to call mom and Dave.
When Mom saw it her eyes welled up.
“Dave…”
“I see it Mary,” he said, pulling both her and Lucy into the most tender embrace I had ever witnessed.
In the centre of the rose garden, between all the red roses, bloomed a single white rose, the most beautiful of all.
“It’s like a sign,” Mom finally said, gently caressing the petals “from Toby”.
It certainly was. Every time the roses bloomed, a single white rose would be there to remind them I would always be watching over them, loving them as much as ever.
I felt the most overwhelming sense of peace in that moment, watching my family and knowing they would be okay.
I was free and it was time for me to go.
The End
I felt like someone just snapped their fingers and I awakened from a hypnotist’s trance. I took in my surroundings, saw that I was in a hospital room and more importantly, I was in a hospital bed.
The weird thing was, I was standing by the door.
My mom was resting her head on my chest, her cries ripping at my heart, my stepdad Dave was holding my hand and wiping away a tear himself while my little sister Lucy, who was 12, stood at the foot of the bed, her face a mask of shock.
“He can’t be gone, ’I heard my mom say over and over until it finally sunk in.
I was dead. Dead at 19, my whole future now an abyss of absolute nothingness.
For some reason it took me a while to figure out what had happened.
I knew I had come home from college for the weekend, it was a Saturday morning and Mom always made me pancakes for breakfast and this morning we were out of syrup.
I’d volunteered to go to the store,to get some and after that the last thing I remembered was stopping at a red light. Nothing else.
From the looks of things it appeared I’d been in an accident. One side of my face was completely swollen and I had a huge gash across my forehead.
‘The doctors did everything they could Mary, ’Dave said, his words of comfort falling on deaf ears as Mom continued sobbing.
So this was it. Toby Clarke, dead at 19.
I had a closed casket funeral. Mom insisted on it and Dave delivered the eulogy. He spoke of how proud he was to have had a chance to be my father after my own dad had died when I was 4. He spoke of my academic achievements, how excited he and my mom had been when I told them I wanted to study botany, how Lucy’s birth had completed our family and what a great big brother I'd been.
Through it all, Lucy sat quietly in her seat, now and again wiping away a tear and Mom just kept looking at the photo of me they had placed on the casket which was covered in roses, my favourite flowers.
The photo was taken the day of my high school graduation. I had my mop of unruly curls specially trimmed to look halfway decent and it was the first time I had ditched my glasses for contacts. Mom told me she never noticed what a nice shade of green my eyes were until I did that.
The whole service went as well as could be expected, but that night, for the first time ever, I heard Mom and Dave argue. Really argue.
‘Don’t you dare tell me how to feel, ’Mom said in an icy whisper. ’He wasn’t your son, you don’t know how it feels!’
The troubled look on Dave’s face was soon replaced by one of pure rage. I’d seen him angry before, but never like this.
‘Do you think I loved him any less? Do you Mary? For all intents and purposes he was my son too!’
That was the first of many such arguments.
I had no concept of time . For all I knew months could have passed and nothing would have changed from my point of view. I had this feeling deep inside me that I didn’t belong in this world anymore.
It felt strange, being dead and still being torn in two, not knowing whether I should look for the place I belonged or stay and watch my family fall apart.
Mom and Dave had all but ended their marriage. The fights between them had grown progressively worse and Lucy was caught in the middle. She spent all her time in her room nowadays, venturing out only to eat or watch a little tv.
It was so obvious to everyone including her that Mom and Dave were only putting up a united front for her sake. There was still love between them, but sometimes not even love can bridge a great divide.
The phone call came one afternoon,while Mom was sitting in my room, which she had kept exactly as I had left it.
There had been an accident and Lucy was in hospital.
Thankfully it was nothing serious. She was riding her bike home from school and the roads were wet from the rains which had fallen earlier. Somehow she'd skidded and gone flying towards the tarmac. She broke her arm and had a slight concussion, but otherwise she was fine. I don’t know how mom managed to make it to the hospital in one piece. After that phone call she'd been like a woman possessed. Nothing and no one could calm her in the waiting room and then all of a sudden, for a few minutes, she just disappeared. Dave asked her about it later that night.
“I went to the chapel,” she said, staring straight ahead of her. “I tried to bargain with God…not to take another child…”
“Mary,” Dave said, his voice breaking, “Mary…”
For the first time in how long, the tears they shed together were not borne of anger.
It was Lucy who came up with the idea some time later.
The three of them were having breakfast and things had really begun to improve between Mom and Dave. The arguments had been replaced by compromise, the tears by smiles.
“Don’t you guys think it would be cool to plant a rose garden in honour of Toby?” she asked in between bites of her toast. Both Mom and Dave looked surprised by her suggestion.
“Roses sweetie?” Mom said
“Yeah,”Lucy continued, “they were his favourite flowers and every time it blooms we can think of him.”
I could see Mom and Dave were both fighting back the tears, the emotion on their faces naked for all to see.
“Good idea, baby girl,” Dave said, “that’s what we’ll do today.'
I don’t know how much time passed, but finally on a beautiful Sunday morning, the roses were in full bloom. Lucy was the first to see it and excitedly ran into the house to call mom and Dave.
When Mom saw it her eyes welled up.
“Dave…”
“I see it Mary,” he said, pulling both her and Lucy into the most tender embrace I had ever witnessed.
In the centre of the rose garden, between all the red roses, bloomed a single white rose, the most beautiful of all.
“It’s like a sign,” Mom finally said, gently caressing the petals “from Toby”.
It certainly was. Every time the roses bloomed, a single white rose would be there to remind them I would always be watching over them, loving them as much as ever.
I felt the most overwhelming sense of peace in that moment, watching my family and knowing they would be okay.
I was free and it was time for me to go.
The End
