#WritcoPoemChallenge
"The smile on my face is real,
It bears witness to how I feel...
I have been carrying this smile for a very long time and to this day nobody cared to notice that my smile is real indeed , real sad..
My name is Becky and two years ago my fiance hanged himself from the tree in our backyard.
We were so happy, or so I thaught.
I did not know that my fiance had a dark secret, a weakness if you may
He was addicted to gambling
Now we lived a fairly decent life, we were renting a beautiful two bedroom house with the option to buy, we each had our own car, we were what most would call upper middleclass
We had one joint bankaccount for living exspenses, bills, etc., and a seperate savings account that we have been saving every spare cent in for our wedding
Both our parents had passed on so we had to pay for everything ourselves
We had a nice ammount in the savings account for our dream wedding day
Zane came home later and later and he seemed stressed all the time
I wrote it off as wedding jitters and work stress
If only I had known
It was a sunday morning just past ten
Zane did not wake me with coffee like always and I got up in search for him
As I walked out the backdoor I saw the image that would never leave my mind again
From the big old oak tree we dreamt our kids would play under
My fiance was slowly swinging back and forth on a roap tied around his neck
His eyes lifeless and cold and his skin a pale blue color
From there everything went blank..
After the funeral his lawyer contacted me with the news, Zane had a gambling problem..our house, both cars, all our funiture is to be sold for gambling debt, and our savings account was empty,not a cent in it
Zane told his lawyer everything the week before he took his life and asked that I was explained because he could not tell me himself
He was deep in debt and has lost his job,he went gambling when he told me he was at work.
So this smile, this is a smile of disbelief, pain and anger

© Lolla Smith