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Focus-Pocus
Focus on the things we can control, which are our thoughts and our actions. It’s a Stoic philosophy of a certain mindset and lifestyle that we could acquire.
I think within this level of control, we interpret outside ourselves most times within our lives and our relationships with ourselves, and mostly other people. We tend to spend more energy on certain aspects of a controlling nature towards what’s around us and other people, rather than to practice within our thoughts and without our actions levels of self-focused awareness and discipline.
Let’s take a common example to show how control can be misrepresented or misinterpreted, that’s for sure been expressed and experienced by many people many times, that has a sense of feeling attached to it. But it’s also important to understand how unhealthy this can be for our mental health, and for those who are the receivers of such focused control.
The example, of course, is about relationships. This will be directed more towards a relationship we have with our significant other, but I’m sure any type of relationship we have with anyone else would have experienced similar types of the same things as well.
Control: Focusing too much elsewhere
Besides certain individuals with insecurities that create these nonsensical “broken bits,” call it fears, past traumas, and so on.It’s interesting to see this type of downward spiral of such a person being encapsulated within their own personal beliefs of external-focused control. Especially when assumptions start to build up into a type of delusional reality where it creates accusations toward or against someone who you’re involved with leading down these rabbit holes of wonder.
For some strange reasons, the person in this state of wonder can somehow magically piece together enough “evidence” to then convince themselves they can confidently start to take control over their significant other’s objective reality while playing out this focused perceptive controlling narrative of subjectivity’s which in turn starts creating resistance between themselves or whoever else may be involved.
You love them so much that you're willing to focus so much of your time and energy on wanting to know where they are, what they are doing, who’s around them, who they may be talking to, and so on. I don’t even have to say any more because I’m sure most of us know the rest of what that type of controlling is or can become.
But… When this person cares for them and they love them, they are willfully trying to find any insignificant piece of justifiable reason to corner them into making sure everything is okay.
Because if for some made-up reasons things are not okay, they themselves are still curiously in their own focused state of wonder, waiting for who they love so much to fail so they can be ready to say and do whatever they have been rehearsing for probably a long time the reasons why they needed to be so focused towards this level of control so they wouldn’t lose the person they love so much who may be very worn out and sick of dealing with it again and again.
For those people who are sincerely being honest and true with a person like this, it’s a hard battle to get through to someone that can’t seem to let go to realize that they really don’t have any kind of control over anything outside themselves anyway.It just doesn’t exist. Reasons being is that if someone was doing anything of the kind based on cheating, lies, or deception and so on. They would be doing it anyway because they are their own individual person living within life too, and the first step on this idea of “letting go” is realizing this.
It becomes obvious that people's externalized focus on their ideas of control isn’t working and it could only make things worse when in fact if they put as much time and energy into themselves to find ways to control their own thoughts and actions or behaviors, two of these people could exist within the same space together and maybe understand themselves and each other better, or at least a bit better.
When we are trying to control someone or a situation we place for ourselves in our realities, I do think we should realize this type of behavior or subtle approach towards a type of manipulative “control” is a delusional illusion that we even have control over someone or something else. If someone on this receiving end truly believes and feels that they themselves are in fact being manipulated and controlled then yes, there are many factors involved that would cause such effects to happen which would create in this person experiencing this to allow such things to occur and manifest.
If you do come to your senses and stop allowing such things to happen over time it usually breaks these “spells” and becomes nonexistent because you have taken yourself out of what was being allowed that you were taking part in. when we stop taking part in something like this the other person may still be experiencing their behavior of control but now their thoughts and actions start to become inconsistent and leading into dead ends while they try and create more scenarios that would try and keep their external control alive.
Their thoughts will fall short most times and if they’re acting upon them as well it may lead into desperate attempts of despair and destructive behavior onto themselves or unfortunately the other person or people involved.
If we can understand within this example I’ve given towards relationships to recall a certain level of self-reflection into something we may feel for or have felt for, we may come to interpret how these things also play out in many different forms within our lives as well on whatever level we find relatable.
It’s a type of control we think towards and act on that doesn’t really exist outside ourselves but can be seen as something real for certain people who also take part in it and play the parts they believe in finding control or ways around what’s controlling them.
When we stop trying to control most things around us in how things may play out or happen, meaning thinking about "Well, if I just say and do this much at certain times," while acting and behaving in this type of manner focused with intentions externalized towards how our lives and what’s within and without our lives will act or react towards what we believe we are in control of doing.
Then, if any of this perceptive thinking of subjective planning, hoping for certain outcomes fails, we are only going to be dissatisfied with and disappointed either in ourselves or in these situations we seem to forget are also being lived by other people who we have no control over in the first place.
Written by:
© Travis Dob
I think within this level of control, we interpret outside ourselves most times within our lives and our relationships with ourselves, and mostly other people. We tend to spend more energy on certain aspects of a controlling nature towards what’s around us and other people, rather than to practice within our thoughts and without our actions levels of self-focused awareness and discipline.
Let’s take a common example to show how control can be misrepresented or misinterpreted, that’s for sure been expressed and experienced by many people many times, that has a sense of feeling attached to it. But it’s also important to understand how unhealthy this can be for our mental health, and for those who are the receivers of such focused control.
The example, of course, is about relationships. This will be directed more towards a relationship we have with our significant other, but I’m sure any type of relationship we have with anyone else would have experienced similar types of the same things as well.
Control: Focusing too much elsewhere
Besides certain individuals with insecurities that create these nonsensical “broken bits,” call it fears, past traumas, and so on.It’s interesting to see this type of downward spiral of such a person being encapsulated within their own personal beliefs of external-focused control. Especially when assumptions start to build up into a type of delusional reality where it creates accusations toward or against someone who you’re involved with leading down these rabbit holes of wonder.
For some strange reasons, the person in this state of wonder can somehow magically piece together enough “evidence” to then convince themselves they can confidently start to take control over their significant other’s objective reality while playing out this focused perceptive controlling narrative of subjectivity’s which in turn starts creating resistance between themselves or whoever else may be involved.
You love them so much that you're willing to focus so much of your time and energy on wanting to know where they are, what they are doing, who’s around them, who they may be talking to, and so on. I don’t even have to say any more because I’m sure most of us know the rest of what that type of controlling is or can become.
But… When this person cares for them and they love them, they are willfully trying to find any insignificant piece of justifiable reason to corner them into making sure everything is okay.
Because if for some made-up reasons things are not okay, they themselves are still curiously in their own focused state of wonder, waiting for who they love so much to fail so they can be ready to say and do whatever they have been rehearsing for probably a long time the reasons why they needed to be so focused towards this level of control so they wouldn’t lose the person they love so much who may be very worn out and sick of dealing with it again and again.
For those people who are sincerely being honest and true with a person like this, it’s a hard battle to get through to someone that can’t seem to let go to realize that they really don’t have any kind of control over anything outside themselves anyway.It just doesn’t exist. Reasons being is that if someone was doing anything of the kind based on cheating, lies, or deception and so on. They would be doing it anyway because they are their own individual person living within life too, and the first step on this idea of “letting go” is realizing this.
It becomes obvious that people's externalized focus on their ideas of control isn’t working and it could only make things worse when in fact if they put as much time and energy into themselves to find ways to control their own thoughts and actions or behaviors, two of these people could exist within the same space together and maybe understand themselves and each other better, or at least a bit better.
When we are trying to control someone or a situation we place for ourselves in our realities, I do think we should realize this type of behavior or subtle approach towards a type of manipulative “control” is a delusional illusion that we even have control over someone or something else. If someone on this receiving end truly believes and feels that they themselves are in fact being manipulated and controlled then yes, there are many factors involved that would cause such effects to happen which would create in this person experiencing this to allow such things to occur and manifest.
If you do come to your senses and stop allowing such things to happen over time it usually breaks these “spells” and becomes nonexistent because you have taken yourself out of what was being allowed that you were taking part in. when we stop taking part in something like this the other person may still be experiencing their behavior of control but now their thoughts and actions start to become inconsistent and leading into dead ends while they try and create more scenarios that would try and keep their external control alive.
Their thoughts will fall short most times and if they’re acting upon them as well it may lead into desperate attempts of despair and destructive behavior onto themselves or unfortunately the other person or people involved.
If we can understand within this example I’ve given towards relationships to recall a certain level of self-reflection into something we may feel for or have felt for, we may come to interpret how these things also play out in many different forms within our lives as well on whatever level we find relatable.
It’s a type of control we think towards and act on that doesn’t really exist outside ourselves but can be seen as something real for certain people who also take part in it and play the parts they believe in finding control or ways around what’s controlling them.
When we stop trying to control most things around us in how things may play out or happen, meaning thinking about "Well, if I just say and do this much at certain times," while acting and behaving in this type of manner focused with intentions externalized towards how our lives and what’s within and without our lives will act or react towards what we believe we are in control of doing.
Then, if any of this perceptive thinking of subjective planning, hoping for certain outcomes fails, we are only going to be dissatisfied with and disappointed either in ourselves or in these situations we seem to forget are also being lived by other people who we have no control over in the first place.
Written by:
© Travis Dob
