I've had one of my pretensions again, caused by this music I'm recently hooked on.

Do you wanna know how it went in my head?

Of course that world was far better. By better I mean, you were there and you actually talked to me. By better I also mean I looked like the ideal person I dreamt myself to be; prettier and had a good body that could rock any outfit. By better I mean, things ended the way I actually wanted them to be.

By this time I'm wearing a flashy black dress. It was tight, and accentuated my curves which are absent in the real world.
I'm wearing average heels with a height enough to not let me trip.

I'm holding a drink in one hand. A purse in the other. I'd say whiskey, the strong kind, because in the real world I don't even drink and just secretly hoped to get wasted.

I'm in a disco club, or bar, whatever fits a night out and party situation. Also one of the places I don't go to in real life.

In this world it's late, and in the real world I should probably be getting home, but no.
It's still early to leave for 11 in the evening, and the night's magic is just starting to dawn on everyone else.
I'm tipsy, and in need of someone to talk to. No not anyone, I mean.

You.

So in you came in the scene, handsome and cool looking. We know each other of course, but the difference is, we actually like each other. I'm just trying to be hard to get for a while, but you can see I'm really interested.

I'm seated by the bar, waiting for the bartender to fill my glass for the nth time. You make small talk, and I'm hoping this will go somewhere.

Of course we talk about things we both like, things we both have in common.
In this world I don't say anything that puts you off, or that kills the conversation.
In this world I know exactly what to say, when to laugh, or how to make up clever things or jokes to make you admire me more than you already have, and you are.

I lose count of the drinks I bought for myself. And you're actually worried.
I don't worry the moment is slipping away, because you offer your hand to help as I stand from the stool dizzy.

You invite me someplace for I am too tired or too wasted to go home by myself. In this world, it's not unladylike. In this world it's alright to go with a man you're interested in to someplace. Like in the movies.

We don't look forward to sex or anything. We just want to be close to each other and we both know that.
In this world, we're sure of what the other thinks, and it's alright and it feels safe.

I sleep for a while in what I can only consider to be your apartment, or a hotel room.

I wake up to the light of dawn. It's blue. Everywhere's blue. A magic kind of hue that fills the room.

I find myself in your polo and get a whiff of your good perfume. I see you by the balcony, seated with a drink on the table. Your eyes are locked in the distance.

I sit on the other seat, and pour myself a drink too.
You smile at my actions, and I smile back.
We don't really say anything but it's alright. In this world, we're not awkward at all, and we're not trying to find a topic for conversation.
In this world we're just enjoying the scene. The view of what I can imagine is the city lights, or the ocean. The breeze blowing lightly on our faces.
We talk about things that matter to us now. It's not small talk anymore and together we understand the pace of each our stories. We laugh and empathize for whatever we got to share.

It's a good night, and we both feel safe. We think to ourselves maybe this is the beginning of something we both want.

And we actually consider it.


If only that were the case here.

This is what I can only imagine in the real world.
My false imagination just ends there honestly. If I can, I would imagine more. That maybe the scene ends with a kiss, but I don't want to go too far.

It's crazy to think of how unknowingly you become so fond of someone, you start to wonder about all these scenes in your head, and it actually makes you feel hopeful.
Enchanted even.
Except in the real world, it could easily become poison.

If I could be extra honest, I've repated this scene too many times in my head. Especially triggered to this specific song that makes me think of you and makes me wonder about this false world where our supposed love story is built. You and I.

I can only do so much in the real world. I don't know what this is going to be.

Maybe I'll get over you in a month, or more. Then all this time I spent in this false world would just totally be a waste of time.

It's a long shot, but in this real world I secretly hope this pretension I had could happen between us.
I guess then all this time with you spending a lot of time in my head wouldn't be a total waste of time.

Well.

Whatever happens, happens.


© IllegnaTheScribbler
pic credit: Pinterest