He told me he was once a monster, on the prowl for his next hunt. He blamed it on his mother saying he mustered up the guts,
to remove himself from his imposter,
and go after what he wants.
He told me he had a thing for me.
That I made him forget about his past.
That he would never place the blame on me, and that I was all he had.
He shared with me this place, that was dark and full of pain and told me I was his sunshine when all he'd seen was rain
I felt for him and his victory of overcoming his childhood trauma.
I had much respect for him even for his Mama.
I never overstepped my bounds. I just left the book open and the pen next to the pad, and all his crying notes I kept them in my bag.
Reading them one by one in order to help him sort out all his troubles.
I was all he had, so I was there on the double! I seen him slipping into an altered state, but he told me to relax, its just a bad day and I'm thinking about my past.
He assured me it would pass. and he was grateful just to have, someone like me who could truly understand.
I believed this man. I even felt bad that I was all he had and that he grew up without a Dad.
I mean I had been on my own since fourteen years old, had been beaten by a stranger and left out in the cold. So his cold days were no stranger to me. Still I kept this to myself so he couldn't find my vulnerability.
Plus I was just fine, I didn't need a thing. I was happy to be me alive and alive and free.
One day he came home and seen a receipt in my bag; it was from my little brother from the night he stayed at my pad.
Here he grew suspicious over a purchase of some dishes, like I had a secret lover and a house with white pickets.
I said that sounds ridiculous and to please not be a drag. He said it was because someone broke his trust and he was now haunted by his past and the result was how he acts.
I thought it would pass, but it got worse and I mean fast, before I knew it he was raising up his hand, balling up his fist and acting like he gets a pass because when he was a kid he saw his Mom get hit by his Dad. He was caught up in a twist and his mind was on a trip. He lashed out and struck me right on my lip, then tried to get me some ice right after he did. This story starts out sweet. He was blinding me with sensitivity. But the monster had unleashed claiming he was the only friend to me. I took that monster by the hand and told him I would soon be free. I told him that I loved him and I knew that he loved me. I said I understood that he'd loved me with all that he had, but I deserved better and he needed to work on his past. He gave me lip service and told me this and that. But my mother taught me better and you should never hit a man, that a man should know better not to ever raise his hand.


© Lacey Fetters
06/24/2020

@changeisfree