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Delayed gratification
chapter 1
I began writing this book as a journal to document my experiment on delayed gratification. it all started with my continuous use of marijuana .which was my drug of choice. My use of marijuana started at a young age quickly it spiraled out of control I began using for breakfast lunch and dinner to support my habit I resorted to stealing this led me to jail where I found myself sober when I got out I started smoking almost immediately the high was too much after being sober for an extended amount of time I found myself hallucinating just off a few hits as time went on the high was increasingly harder to find with more and more frequent use to achieve little-to-no results I moved back into the saturated stage of addiction where I was just using to be normal I know your thinking weed or cannabis as it is called in the medical industry is not that dangerous but if you are an addict everything is dangerous .eating cake could be dangerous if done by an addict don't let me get into heroin or alcohol I'll be here all day. everything has a different effect on each user some people just don't know what moderation is. while others can eat cake at Christmas and their birthday. every person is different with different goals and dreams. one thing is for sure no one wants to live in the misery that is addiction. so in this book, I will try my best to explain how I conducted my experiment. the results I have found. along with the path, it has led me. currently, I've been drug and alcohol-free for 60 months and don't think I will ever go back. by the grace of God.it is because of God's good favor I am able to stay sober and be given the chance to share with you my findings.
this is the first book that I have created. all I have has been put into this book in an attempt to give strength to the hopeless struggling addicts to overcome the demons. by recognizing the problem and correlate their addictive nature to their destructive habits this is not a 12-step book or religious book a higher power will be referred to numerous times because of my enlightening experience on this plane of existence. which I will get into more in-depth in future chapters. cannabis was my drug of choice. but by far not the only drug I used. the words I etch in Time are presented in this manuscript they are bestowed upon you with flavor and love .because it takes a lot for me to open up like this. What I have done was done with love and caring for the addict ones. with a chosen illness. someone in the fit of addiction is ill beyond all means unable to cope with the stress of life or obligations of society. they turned to use as a crutch to come to grips with their inadequate choices. digging themself deeper into a hole. how deep it goes all depends on how far the person is willing to go to find the bottom.when the bottom is found we all look up to see the light and how far from the top of the hole we are. some try to just stay there. soon finding a ends to their means. death is the ultimate payment for one's ill-begotten actions. Like I said before cannabis and say heroin are two totally different drugs bringing the user or addict to two different totally places. for me, my life had become unmanageable. I had gone to prison so many times I was having a hard time remembering how many. I knew it was all part of a greater plan to keep me sober, also to show me I have power. power to control my life in a positive way. in a way that won't put me back to prison. just being around people that use Brings Me Down brings me to a place on the addiction level. It makes me make choices to prove to the people around me that I am not an addict anymore. This still makes me make bad choices. because of the addictive nature in me, I cannot even hang out with addicts. I allow their bad choices to affect me as a person and so at this moment in time, I have made a choice not only not to use drugs but do not associate with people that use them. I have made so many changes in the last 4 years that it has even surprised me. I quit smoking weed and drinking but also I quit smoking cigarettes and drinking Red Bull. so I started growing my hair too. now my hair is at my middle back .the next thing I did was quit eating meat. I love meat so much beef chicken lamb elk deer. I was killing myself with just another addiction. so I stopped.I now feel healthier and more well-off God has given me the choice to control myself. I love him for that for without him I would never have been able to do these wonderful things or recognized that my choice to use was just a choice not a have-to or a must.
But I could or I can then I just turned it around and started to make the conscious decision to not used and begin to discover the benefits.
chapter 2
so because this book and experiment are so dear to me and have taken up so much of my time. when I finish this book the first time it was stolen.which was very painful for me it almost made me forget the writing of it all together but over the next year-and-a-half, the development of two new books to go with this one made me take the conscious effort to make time to write this scientific work. in the book, I will discuss tolerance and the different stages of addiction. once we as a people learn to begin to cope with addiction as a whole the process of recovery will happen!!! because every addict is dependent. upon who or what is determined by the level of addiction. then we have the enablers like big pharmaceutical and Walmart or just mom who give needed help to the addict .big farm and the opioid epidemic is for sure connect it .if it was not for the Oxycontin no one I knew would have done heroin. because of the pharmaceutical companies, designer heroin younger people got addicted.Walmart has one of the highest theft rates in the world. With them contributing to many addicts' habits. Through goods stolen or stole and returned.their lack stance on theft has provided drug addicts with a home base.Walmart is a drug addict enabler. even if it does not want to be. then there is a person like Mom with nothing but love in their heart for the addict and even though the addict continues to walk all over them and use them, love makes them want to help even though help is just hurting them both .recently I took on this role. my lover became dependent and with my love blinding me I enable the habits of my addicted lover .the point is that even as an addict in recovery I will still susceptible to the manipulation. Even with all the power to say no for myself that was not enough to protect me. I just switch roles for the enabler to a dependent. Being at such a stable part of my recovery never allowed me to say no-till I got hurt. A lesson was learned for me that even as sober person drugs and addiction can still affect me. even if I don't use. love has a strange power to make a person overlook a problem. being on both sides has made me more understanding of the addiction process and the mental state while in a relationship but nothing will change that if an addict wants to get high they will. the willingness to change has to come from inside them. the outside forces that play a role in the addict's life won't make them. If they aren't ready to stop love will blind even the strongest of people into seeing things through the eyes of an addict but if our love is turned into constructive love we will out of love stand our ground. even if it means turning the request for help from the addict down. if we continue enabling them they will bring us to the bottom of the pit with them. then our love becomes our bad habit.standing firm and not giving in is the action we need to show. Once the addict is given the tough love turn down their means will become their end and they will recognize their addiction not only is hurting them but others. Till then they will continue by asking and trying to get help. love is a great force and needs to be used with care so if you find yourself in either one of these rolls stand up for your love. say no to helping a loved one in need is not going to stop the love. because they need help because they are addicted .you know they need help. The help they need is not money or a place to stay or a ride it helps to stop the cycle of addiction that makes them depend on your love not that they're calling you up to say they love you, how are you doing or do you need anything. but being that they are addicted they're calling in need of your help.because you are easily persuaded by love. addict recognize this trait .seow you are treating your loved ones and know you're loved but don't forget you can spoil that love and dragged a person that loves you down .because of your disregard for their love .these things weren't part of my original book. I believe they are valid points and we'll touch base with them more in books to come I wanted to talk a little bit about them. before I let you get to know me more in this next chapter. I will share with you all about my e and my feelings. while high so if you made it this far hold on to your seat.
chapter 3
as a young kid, I had many friends. it seemed to be the older kids that would lead me down the wrong path. when I was 12 I started smoking weed every day. I also started drinking but that mostly happens on the weekends where I would drink till I puked.I would find myself lying in the grass or the woods somewhere puking my guts out quickly my habit got out of control. I didn't have the funds to support it. so I started stealing from anyone.so I could to obtain my weed. I would steal from my family friends neighbors anyone. I thought I could get away with it. most of my friends at that time had money or came from a family where 20 bucks would not be noticed missing . in my family if I stole 20 bucks they knew. it was quickly found out that I was smoking weed and neither one of my parents liked it. they both played tough love cards with not helping me celebrate my new found addiction even though they both use cannabis regularly. I sometimes manage to find some around the house. that became less and less I thought they hated me. they were doing it out of love tho. quickly I found a jail cell for stealing from the neighbor's house .before that I found a pound in a garage that I broke into. so I went to jail got out and started using the first day.I didn't really miss a beat that first high after being sober for a long time was tremendous.I had some close friends and we begin to flirt with other drugs. I was married to marijuana no matter what I was doing she was right there. I smoke many times a day and I started the addiction process early.I was I fiend for weed. not having it would send me into a range of emotions.I smoke weed like a crackhead smokes crack. at the age of fourteen, I started using LSD frequently .so much I knew that if you use it.really you would have to double dose. so one day you used a hit the next day you would have to use two. just to achieve the same effect. as I began to learn about tolerance at 15 I started using cocaine. this was expensive and took another level of understanding to have a habit over the next few years I developed a strong Crack habit and went through some more incarceration .where my sobriety created extreme highs when reintroduced to a drug I had been away .from my romance with drugs started to become like a dream I would use till I lost control and woke up in jail.I use drugs to get more drugs, in other words, I dealt drugs to do drugs and I never look at it this way till an old-timer someone I looked up to told me after a night of selling and smoking Coke." You can't be a baller if you're using Coke". I was not just using it I was smoking the eighth night all to myself. "What am I then"? I said. He laughed. "a crackhead ". it dawned on me. I was just as much a friend as the people I sold to and I quit coke at the age of 23 .during that same time I quit taking LSD and any other drug that wasn't weed. I still drank liquor. but it was just my side thing. Weed was what I woke up to and spend time with during the day.In the fit of my addiction, I would go to sleep with a stomach full of booze and a head full of weed. This lasted a long time 11 years to be exact. there were always the incarcerations to break it up and bring my tolerance down.so now I will give a short rundown of my drug use as a whole. cannabis, Kush preferably .beer, Newcastle preferably. Jigger Meister. cocaine, crack preferably. LSD, liquid preferably. peyote, mescaline preferably. mushrooms. PCP on accident the weed was laced. 2cb a street drug comparable to mescaline.DMT which I only did three times and on the third time it sent me to another world. And because of my previous psychedelic use, the effects lasted a long time. speed which I only use 13 times in my life. The effects I never liked. I would have to be drunk as a skunk to do it and hopes to regain some sobriety couldn't stand being up for so many days. I like my sleep. painkillers by the way of doctor's prescription. thanks to Ambien I quit this habit quickly before it got out of control. I never tried heroin or Xanax .dododododododon't know why I never did Valium Xanax.I do however know why I never did heroin, I listen to my parents and watch movies .my mom would say don't ride the black horse .which at the time I didn't get it.but as life unfolded I figured it out .my dad would say don't shoot you a ball. I distinctly remember the sayings and then there was theee movie Never Die Alone with DMX .a few other movies that scared the shit out of me like Blood In Blood Out .needles and drugs will help you find the bottom of your hole fast. most of the time with the dirt being pushed over your head because you're dead with that being said here are some of my Chilling Tales. the first girl I ever kissed, zany. before there was Xanax.died from an OD she was 17. my friend doesn't know if he was my best friend. I know now that he is gone. at 25 Crazy Legs from pneumonia. that his body could not fight I. because he had a weakened immune system. the doctors prescribe him Oxycontin at 25 and he was a diabetic .then two of my friends gone one after another in a drug-induced state choked the other she was 20 he was 21. he tried to kill himself after her death and was eventually sentenced to life in prison.At the age of 30, one of my very good friends was found in his bed and his brain aneurysm bleed all over the mattress. the results of shooting many oxycontin's .this Gem of a friend had the most outgoing personality of anyone I knew. but the drugs took him early. at the age of 31, a friend with many talents real estate sales being one of them died from an infection after missing with a shot of cocaine and heroin.she was found dead and later and investigation into her death as a murder was conducted .but no one was indicted .at the ripe old age of 33.a friend not to say he was the best friend he was loved dearly by many was found with another brain aneurysm.I don't know if it was drug-induced but I think so. a friend that was the life of the party drink himself to death. a friend that became addicted to heroin and didn't know what to do blew his brains. a friend that lost his girlfriend used in an extraordinary amount of heroin and OD .these are ones that I know of there could be many more if I look into it. definitely know there are many kinds of people going to jail and losing their kid because of addiction .during these sad times in my life I remember these things.when one of my best friends died and I went to his funeral I remember talking about how I miss them and then right after everyone wanted to go get drunk and party. the exact reason he Party. then at another friend's death of Mortuary put in the paper it was the biggest turnout they have ever. I didn't go. I just couldn't bring myself to go.it hurt too bad.I didn't want to share my pain with anyone else. one thing for sure if someone died from natural causes I never heard about it .when they died from drugs it was all I heard .so there is my relationships with drugs and the pain it has caused in my life now I will move on to the rest of the learning that came with this pain thank you for reading and thank God I'm alive.
Chapter 4
So for the experiment, I became my own guinea pig. At first not on purpose. Once I found out what I was doing I couldn't wait. I had a journal and I couldn't get enough of the experiment. So much I even quit on my own. Without the help of jail or institutions. For the year just to contribute to my journal. Like I said when I wrote this book the first time it was stolen. I lost all of what I had written. I will now try my best to describe the events that took place. For this experiment, it takes for someone to recognize something in their life that they love so much. If it's smoking cigarettes or eating sex drinking coffee or almost anything will work. If you do this thing daily, or multiple times a day. It could work with Supreme results. Let's start with something easy-drinking coffee. Most people that drink coffee do it daily. Now you take coffee out of the daily ritual. Now you write down your feelings for the first day. On the second day. On the third day. And so on for his many days till the drinking of coffee is a thing of the past. I just recently started drinking coffee at the age of 34. So this experiment was one I could still conduct without jeopardizing my sobriety. Only feeling the need for coffee for the first 3 or 4 days. I didn't have any feelings of withdrawal or pain like other drugs. I definitely thought about coffee a few times over the next 60 days. Then I drank one strong 24 oz cup. This is what happened. I started moving faster and thinking thoughts on top of thoughts and I noticed I got a little jittery the coffee affecting me with great force. When I drink it every day and never makes me feel like that. I like to drink coffee but I do not like to feel like this. If I am going to drink coffee at all it will have to be done daily I can see coffee as a habit I could lose. I don't see it drinking coffee as a habit that will make me make poor decisions or do bad things if I don't have it. So I can say for now I definitely don't like it in moderation. This is something I have learned about myself. Also, I have learned that without coffee I felt relatively the same after the first few days so I don't need coffee I just choose to drink. For the experiment with weed, it started off as not a choice of my own. I took on many different lengths of abstinence. 4 months, 8 months, 12 months, 18 months. The longer the time the harsher the re-entry to the daily use I conducted the experiment on myself many times and always got around the same results. Now you can have already been doing this and you should recognize the pattern. Know the results whatever you were doing it with. Analyze it write it down. The pros and cons. How you felt with the addiction/habit. How you felt without it. How long of a time you spent without it really does depend on your situation. The longer the better after a few times you may see you don't need it or you don't even like it at all. Or maybe that you love it but only in moderation. Whichever it is it is about learning about yourself and what you need want do not need. This will also show you that you can exert control over yourself and your choices.
I began writing this book as a journal to document my experiment on delayed gratification. it all started with my continuous use of marijuana .which was my drug of choice. My use of marijuana started at a young age quickly it spiraled out of control I began using for breakfast lunch and dinner to support my habit I resorted to stealing this led me to jail where I found myself sober when I got out I started smoking almost immediately the high was too much after being sober for an extended amount of time I found myself hallucinating just off a few hits as time went on the high was increasingly harder to find with more and more frequent use to achieve little-to-no results I moved back into the saturated stage of addiction where I was just using to be normal I know your thinking weed or cannabis as it is called in the medical industry is not that dangerous but if you are an addict everything is dangerous .eating cake could be dangerous if done by an addict don't let me get into heroin or alcohol I'll be here all day. everything has a different effect on each user some people just don't know what moderation is. while others can eat cake at Christmas and their birthday. every person is different with different goals and dreams. one thing is for sure no one wants to live in the misery that is addiction. so in this book, I will try my best to explain how I conducted my experiment. the results I have found. along with the path, it has led me. currently, I've been drug and alcohol-free for 60 months and don't think I will ever go back. by the grace of God.it is because of God's good favor I am able to stay sober and be given the chance to share with you my findings.
this is the first book that I have created. all I have has been put into this book in an attempt to give strength to the hopeless struggling addicts to overcome the demons. by recognizing the problem and correlate their addictive nature to their destructive habits this is not a 12-step book or religious book a higher power will be referred to numerous times because of my enlightening experience on this plane of existence. which I will get into more in-depth in future chapters. cannabis was my drug of choice. but by far not the only drug I used. the words I etch in Time are presented in this manuscript they are bestowed upon you with flavor and love .because it takes a lot for me to open up like this. What I have done was done with love and caring for the addict ones. with a chosen illness. someone in the fit of addiction is ill beyond all means unable to cope with the stress of life or obligations of society. they turned to use as a crutch to come to grips with their inadequate choices. digging themself deeper into a hole. how deep it goes all depends on how far the person is willing to go to find the bottom.when the bottom is found we all look up to see the light and how far from the top of the hole we are. some try to just stay there. soon finding a ends to their means. death is the ultimate payment for one's ill-begotten actions. Like I said before cannabis and say heroin are two totally different drugs bringing the user or addict to two different totally places. for me, my life had become unmanageable. I had gone to prison so many times I was having a hard time remembering how many. I knew it was all part of a greater plan to keep me sober, also to show me I have power. power to control my life in a positive way. in a way that won't put me back to prison. just being around people that use Brings Me Down brings me to a place on the addiction level. It makes me make choices to prove to the people around me that I am not an addict anymore. This still makes me make bad choices. because of the addictive nature in me, I cannot even hang out with addicts. I allow their bad choices to affect me as a person and so at this moment in time, I have made a choice not only not to use drugs but do not associate with people that use them. I have made so many changes in the last 4 years that it has even surprised me. I quit smoking weed and drinking but also I quit smoking cigarettes and drinking Red Bull. so I started growing my hair too. now my hair is at my middle back .the next thing I did was quit eating meat. I love meat so much beef chicken lamb elk deer. I was killing myself with just another addiction. so I stopped.I now feel healthier and more well-off God has given me the choice to control myself. I love him for that for without him I would never have been able to do these wonderful things or recognized that my choice to use was just a choice not a have-to or a must.
But I could or I can then I just turned it around and started to make the conscious decision to not used and begin to discover the benefits.
chapter 2
so because this book and experiment are so dear to me and have taken up so much of my time. when I finish this book the first time it was stolen.which was very painful for me it almost made me forget the writing of it all together but over the next year-and-a-half, the development of two new books to go with this one made me take the conscious effort to make time to write this scientific work. in the book, I will discuss tolerance and the different stages of addiction. once we as a people learn to begin to cope with addiction as a whole the process of recovery will happen!!! because every addict is dependent. upon who or what is determined by the level of addiction. then we have the enablers like big pharmaceutical and Walmart or just mom who give needed help to the addict .big farm and the opioid epidemic is for sure connect it .if it was not for the Oxycontin no one I knew would have done heroin. because of the pharmaceutical companies, designer heroin younger people got addicted.Walmart has one of the highest theft rates in the world. With them contributing to many addicts' habits. Through goods stolen or stole and returned.their lack stance on theft has provided drug addicts with a home base.Walmart is a drug addict enabler. even if it does not want to be. then there is a person like Mom with nothing but love in their heart for the addict and even though the addict continues to walk all over them and use them, love makes them want to help even though help is just hurting them both .recently I took on this role. my lover became dependent and with my love blinding me I enable the habits of my addicted lover .the point is that even as an addict in recovery I will still susceptible to the manipulation. Even with all the power to say no for myself that was not enough to protect me. I just switch roles for the enabler to a dependent. Being at such a stable part of my recovery never allowed me to say no-till I got hurt. A lesson was learned for me that even as sober person drugs and addiction can still affect me. even if I don't use. love has a strange power to make a person overlook a problem. being on both sides has made me more understanding of the addiction process and the mental state while in a relationship but nothing will change that if an addict wants to get high they will. the willingness to change has to come from inside them. the outside forces that play a role in the addict's life won't make them. If they aren't ready to stop love will blind even the strongest of people into seeing things through the eyes of an addict but if our love is turned into constructive love we will out of love stand our ground. even if it means turning the request for help from the addict down. if we continue enabling them they will bring us to the bottom of the pit with them. then our love becomes our bad habit.standing firm and not giving in is the action we need to show. Once the addict is given the tough love turn down their means will become their end and they will recognize their addiction not only is hurting them but others. Till then they will continue by asking and trying to get help. love is a great force and needs to be used with care so if you find yourself in either one of these rolls stand up for your love. say no to helping a loved one in need is not going to stop the love. because they need help because they are addicted .you know they need help. The help they need is not money or a place to stay or a ride it helps to stop the cycle of addiction that makes them depend on your love not that they're calling you up to say they love you, how are you doing or do you need anything. but being that they are addicted they're calling in need of your help.because you are easily persuaded by love. addict recognize this trait .seow you are treating your loved ones and know you're loved but don't forget you can spoil that love and dragged a person that loves you down .because of your disregard for their love .these things weren't part of my original book. I believe they are valid points and we'll touch base with them more in books to come I wanted to talk a little bit about them. before I let you get to know me more in this next chapter. I will share with you all about my e and my feelings. while high so if you made it this far hold on to your seat.
chapter 3
as a young kid, I had many friends. it seemed to be the older kids that would lead me down the wrong path. when I was 12 I started smoking weed every day. I also started drinking but that mostly happens on the weekends where I would drink till I puked.I would find myself lying in the grass or the woods somewhere puking my guts out quickly my habit got out of control. I didn't have the funds to support it. so I started stealing from anyone.so I could to obtain my weed. I would steal from my family friends neighbors anyone. I thought I could get away with it. most of my friends at that time had money or came from a family where 20 bucks would not be noticed missing . in my family if I stole 20 bucks they knew. it was quickly found out that I was smoking weed and neither one of my parents liked it. they both played tough love cards with not helping me celebrate my new found addiction even though they both use cannabis regularly. I sometimes manage to find some around the house. that became less and less I thought they hated me. they were doing it out of love tho. quickly I found a jail cell for stealing from the neighbor's house .before that I found a pound in a garage that I broke into. so I went to jail got out and started using the first day.I didn't really miss a beat that first high after being sober for a long time was tremendous.I had some close friends and we begin to flirt with other drugs. I was married to marijuana no matter what I was doing she was right there. I smoke many times a day and I started the addiction process early.I was I fiend for weed. not having it would send me into a range of emotions.I smoke weed like a crackhead smokes crack. at the age of fourteen, I started using LSD frequently .so much I knew that if you use it.really you would have to double dose. so one day you used a hit the next day you would have to use two. just to achieve the same effect. as I began to learn about tolerance at 15 I started using cocaine. this was expensive and took another level of understanding to have a habit over the next few years I developed a strong Crack habit and went through some more incarceration .where my sobriety created extreme highs when reintroduced to a drug I had been away .from my romance with drugs started to become like a dream I would use till I lost control and woke up in jail.I use drugs to get more drugs, in other words, I dealt drugs to do drugs and I never look at it this way till an old-timer someone I looked up to told me after a night of selling and smoking Coke." You can't be a baller if you're using Coke". I was not just using it I was smoking the eighth night all to myself. "What am I then"? I said. He laughed. "a crackhead ". it dawned on me. I was just as much a friend as the people I sold to and I quit coke at the age of 23 .during that same time I quit taking LSD and any other drug that wasn't weed. I still drank liquor. but it was just my side thing. Weed was what I woke up to and spend time with during the day.In the fit of my addiction, I would go to sleep with a stomach full of booze and a head full of weed. This lasted a long time 11 years to be exact. there were always the incarcerations to break it up and bring my tolerance down.so now I will give a short rundown of my drug use as a whole. cannabis, Kush preferably .beer, Newcastle preferably. Jigger Meister. cocaine, crack preferably. LSD, liquid preferably. peyote, mescaline preferably. mushrooms. PCP on accident the weed was laced. 2cb a street drug comparable to mescaline.DMT which I only did three times and on the third time it sent me to another world. And because of my previous psychedelic use, the effects lasted a long time. speed which I only use 13 times in my life. The effects I never liked. I would have to be drunk as a skunk to do it and hopes to regain some sobriety couldn't stand being up for so many days. I like my sleep. painkillers by the way of doctor's prescription. thanks to Ambien I quit this habit quickly before it got out of control. I never tried heroin or Xanax .dododododododon't know why I never did Valium Xanax.I do however know why I never did heroin, I listen to my parents and watch movies .my mom would say don't ride the black horse .which at the time I didn't get it.but as life unfolded I figured it out .my dad would say don't shoot you a ball. I distinctly remember the sayings and then there was theee movie Never Die Alone with DMX .a few other movies that scared the shit out of me like Blood In Blood Out .needles and drugs will help you find the bottom of your hole fast. most of the time with the dirt being pushed over your head because you're dead with that being said here are some of my Chilling Tales. the first girl I ever kissed, zany. before there was Xanax.died from an OD she was 17. my friend doesn't know if he was my best friend. I know now that he is gone. at 25 Crazy Legs from pneumonia. that his body could not fight I. because he had a weakened immune system. the doctors prescribe him Oxycontin at 25 and he was a diabetic .then two of my friends gone one after another in a drug-induced state choked the other she was 20 he was 21. he tried to kill himself after her death and was eventually sentenced to life in prison.At the age of 30, one of my very good friends was found in his bed and his brain aneurysm bleed all over the mattress. the results of shooting many oxycontin's .this Gem of a friend had the most outgoing personality of anyone I knew. but the drugs took him early. at the age of 31, a friend with many talents real estate sales being one of them died from an infection after missing with a shot of cocaine and heroin.she was found dead and later and investigation into her death as a murder was conducted .but no one was indicted .at the ripe old age of 33.a friend not to say he was the best friend he was loved dearly by many was found with another brain aneurysm.I don't know if it was drug-induced but I think so. a friend that was the life of the party drink himself to death. a friend that became addicted to heroin and didn't know what to do blew his brains. a friend that lost his girlfriend used in an extraordinary amount of heroin and OD .these are ones that I know of there could be many more if I look into it. definitely know there are many kinds of people going to jail and losing their kid because of addiction .during these sad times in my life I remember these things.when one of my best friends died and I went to his funeral I remember talking about how I miss them and then right after everyone wanted to go get drunk and party. the exact reason he Party. then at another friend's death of Mortuary put in the paper it was the biggest turnout they have ever. I didn't go. I just couldn't bring myself to go.it hurt too bad.I didn't want to share my pain with anyone else. one thing for sure if someone died from natural causes I never heard about it .when they died from drugs it was all I heard .so there is my relationships with drugs and the pain it has caused in my life now I will move on to the rest of the learning that came with this pain thank you for reading and thank God I'm alive.
Chapter 4
So for the experiment, I became my own guinea pig. At first not on purpose. Once I found out what I was doing I couldn't wait. I had a journal and I couldn't get enough of the experiment. So much I even quit on my own. Without the help of jail or institutions. For the year just to contribute to my journal. Like I said when I wrote this book the first time it was stolen. I lost all of what I had written. I will now try my best to describe the events that took place. For this experiment, it takes for someone to recognize something in their life that they love so much. If it's smoking cigarettes or eating sex drinking coffee or almost anything will work. If you do this thing daily, or multiple times a day. It could work with Supreme results. Let's start with something easy-drinking coffee. Most people that drink coffee do it daily. Now you take coffee out of the daily ritual. Now you write down your feelings for the first day. On the second day. On the third day. And so on for his many days till the drinking of coffee is a thing of the past. I just recently started drinking coffee at the age of 34. So this experiment was one I could still conduct without jeopardizing my sobriety. Only feeling the need for coffee for the first 3 or 4 days. I didn't have any feelings of withdrawal or pain like other drugs. I definitely thought about coffee a few times over the next 60 days. Then I drank one strong 24 oz cup. This is what happened. I started moving faster and thinking thoughts on top of thoughts and I noticed I got a little jittery the coffee affecting me with great force. When I drink it every day and never makes me feel like that. I like to drink coffee but I do not like to feel like this. If I am going to drink coffee at all it will have to be done daily I can see coffee as a habit I could lose. I don't see it drinking coffee as a habit that will make me make poor decisions or do bad things if I don't have it. So I can say for now I definitely don't like it in moderation. This is something I have learned about myself. Also, I have learned that without coffee I felt relatively the same after the first few days so I don't need coffee I just choose to drink. For the experiment with weed, it started off as not a choice of my own. I took on many different lengths of abstinence. 4 months, 8 months, 12 months, 18 months. The longer the time the harsher the re-entry to the daily use I conducted the experiment on myself many times and always got around the same results. Now you can have already been doing this and you should recognize the pattern. Know the results whatever you were doing it with. Analyze it write it down. The pros and cons. How you felt with the addiction/habit. How you felt without it. How long of a time you spent without it really does depend on your situation. The longer the better after a few times you may see you don't need it or you don't even like it at all. Or maybe that you love it but only in moderation. Whichever it is it is about learning about yourself and what you need want do not need. This will also show you that you can exert control over yourself and your choices.
