Waking up, nightmares as usual. Never fully capable to relax. Underlying issues, never to be faced. Why? Out of fear? No, memories too painful. Never really had my father around but still had him a part of my life. The lies, the broken promises. Yet still my father. Still had some impact on my life. Unconditional love towards a man who never loved anyone but himself. Traumas inflicted by his choice of action but somehow, affected by his lack of presence. Haven't seen the man in over ten years, and somehow I miss him. Yet I couldn't care if he lived or died. Jealousy over others and their connections to family where mine is broken.


© theillusivewriter