It's midnight
The cigarette slips from the grip of my fingers
I don’t feel like picking it back up

My head feels heavy
I'm losing my train of thought
There are so many things that I should be doing right now
I got so much studying left to do
I should clean my room
I should fold my clothes and arrange a routine to follow
But I can't
And the worst part about this is I have plenty of time to do all of them
I just choose not to
I choose not to be better
I choose to sulk for the disasters that haven’t even happened yet
I'm living in the fear of not living.

This surge of sudden immobility
It's not for long but it's enough to make me feel lost
Like I'm in the middle of the city at night and the lights are coming off
I don’t feel like running anymore.
© Anmol