It was 11 o clock in the night I think so....Laying on the railway track,looking at the bright sky ,looking for the train which takes me to heaven or hell whatever .. for me failures in life may go to heaven or cowards like me may go to hell..
but for me even hell is a better option than to live in this world..
I may die simply..but after a series of failures in suicide attempts also just like in life ,I took the decision to catch a train which takes me to heaven or hell....
my train has arrived, just few things iam thinking about.... in few seconds iam going to end this suffocating life....
the train comes near me ... in a seconds time don't know what happened, the train passed over me but you don't believe iam alive(don't know what happened as in a less time I was laid parallel to the track and the train went over me)
alive... but not completely, I could notice my right hand and my spine got fractured, it's bleeding many areas ,later I noticed that even my three fingers of my left hand were missing... whatever again I was a failure
people rushed me to the hospital... The next day by the time I opened my eyes my brother was infront of me. I know iam in a very critical state
it's a railway hospital and I was amazed as the doctors said my left hand was fractured when my right was..looking at this my brother has taken me in ambulance to Vizag(my living place) and joined there in a well known hospital..
all my relatives,friends and my parents were waiting for me... as I entered my room, I could see all my known faces there.despite the pain I was tensed a lot in the sense of guilty.
Now coming to the story, I always admire my self as a failure in life... don't know why things happens to me like that... I am a decent boy but a dreamer as my eyes always look at the sky... but no dream in my life fulfilled, everyone I liked has cheated me ... even failed in love...poor in studies... so I took this decision
now, iam in the hospital room doctore were looking at my condition whether iam able to walk or not( as my spine got fractured) .,.they decided to make a surgery in spine and my right hand and two more surgeries...but good thing is I could be able to walk ... thank god
Spent almost fifteen days in the hospital and then discharged to my house.,.
The severity of the spine fracture is unbearable,lost my fingers ,one hand got fractured...untill now iam even a unrepaired piece .. now iam a damaged piece...but after looking my mom and dad regret I decided to live any way..but one thing there will be no matter of happiness in my life...
Happiness... what is it??? The sky looks so dark ,but the moon looks so beautiful... pessimistic people see sky and optimists enjoy the beauty of moon and stars... To understand this concept I did such an adventure...I realised the concept of real love looking at the people who worried about me for what I did... Later on I completely came to know what life is
value of taste is well known when we are very hungry... in a similar way more the difficult situations we face,more happy will be... why because the ball rises high as it gets hit down....
Now iam a happy person, failures may come but the experience leads us to success... Even iam a repaired one iam strong because i could sustain the unbearable pains... Iam not a coward because I saw the death in an inch distance..
So one thing, every one don't get second chance like me ...happiness is every because it exists only if sadness was there... problems are challenges to face... failures are the experiences to win. So please don't waste your life doing cowardly things....,
yours lovingly
sai vinay