There was a time when drafts piled in my notes, left there just as a reminder that I did do that, I wrote it and it made feel like I’ve accomplished everything in that present time.

The environment I grew up in are filled with people that dream big, hit big milestones in their lives and are constantly living out every thing they’ve set as a goal while I seemed to be at a very turtle like speed with my own or just have no will at all. That’s the thing though, I wasn’t a very ambitious child, nor was I competitive. This made me feel left out majority of the time. I felt I needed to assert myself and make myself fit in to the situation but it honestly only made me feel worse.

It took a long time for me to realize that ‘small things matter, if it is done with good will’. Even if I tried to fit in and live big, it’s not out of goodness because I was trying to be one of the crowd’ nor was it ever good for me.

I left a bad impression on a lot of people during that time of my life and honestly, I feel like an antagonist whenever I meet them again. Perhaps I was being sensitive but that’s how I feel when I’m in the same crowd I tried so hard to be a part of. It never felt right. This story has yet to have a happy ending’ but if I had to chose one, it would be every time I complete a little piece on here.


© Adi Joséphine