I often recall the days I had spent with my grandparents who were forever so in love with each other and although it has been many years since they had their first encounter, they still cherished happy moments together.
I also recall grandpa saying that though he did not meet her in his teens he is still glad that he found her on days when he was the most broken, when the world seemed hopeless and dark, she became his beacon of hope, a light that one sees at the end of every tunnel.
I looked over to see grandma's reactions to that, she simply smiled,
"He was my best friend when I had none."
She said to me,
"I was having a hard time in my mid twenties as well, I could not find a job and my family were not really supportive." She added, "Then I met him and his warm hugs gave me so much comfort and saved me from falling in the pits of sorrow." They both looked at each other with immense love and affection and it was heartwarming to see.
So it had me wondering, if I could ever find love like they did or not so then my grandpa told me,
"Just be patient, God will send you the person you need at the right time and the right place, all you have to do is believe in him."

So I did, I found someone. She was sweet and generous, calm and elegant, unlike who I was at the time.
I thrived in chaos, I enjoyed pestering my friends and neighbors, pulling up pranks and taunting them one by one, they were not at all angry but they certainly weren't happy either. I was a complete buffoon, that people like being around with and I definitely thought I made her happy and that was a mistake on my part, I was wrong.

Growing up was challenging, still is. I came across things that were complicated, unexpected and unpredicted. I was not prepared for any of it. My grandma passed away, the same year my dad divorced my mom and I had never felt so much pain and grief but at the same time I was also filled with anger and hatred towards my father, it changed me.
I'd get these mixed up thoughts and emotions but I know it was the anger issues that made me push things a little too far and that was where I lost my happiness, in the blink of an eye.

"Am I patient enough?" I questioned myself. "Or maybe I'm just not worthy of it."

The next time I visited grandpa, he let me know that he had faced moments like I did, before. "It was not easy," he said. "But in the end you have to let them go because that is the right thing to do."

I let out a deep sigh, "I thought that love was holding on to each other regardless of all the tough times," I said to him.
"That is commitment, " he said, "Love is a feeling not an action," he looked at me with raised brows and a little smile, "and sometimes it works, most of the time it don't but love itself is never enough to strengthen a bond, you have to have friendship, trust, lots of patience, dedication, efforts and of course wisdom, and you know it takes time to gather wisdom."

So I asked him how long I have to wait to be able to find love again, he told me not to rush it.
If it is meant to be, it will be. Some people come for a season, some for a reason and many for lifelong lessons. What one must do is be fully aware of the rights and the wrongs, be prepared for the best moments as well as the worst. And from a positive perspective, it is like short lived happiness getting traded for life long happiness, not the best feeling for a moment but in the end, it will be worth it.

So I will tell this to my wife, what my grandpa said to his, "you may have not gotten the youngest or teenage version of me, but you shall be stuck with the lifelong version of me."
It will take time
But love will eventually happen.
© J. Phillipi