Everyone has a story to tell.. well here is mine. I am not sure how this will turn out because not many know why I chosed to go down the road of being a drug addict. Alot of people do not even want to truly take the time or the care to find out why somebody choses to get a addiction.. what are they escaping from? There is alot of different forms of Addictions... however it seems that a drug addict gets it the worse. Being called a worthless drug addict.. or a Druggie. When in the end we are the same as any other addict we are HUMAN. This month will make it a year that I decided to go down the road of becoming a Addict. The night before Thanksgiving is when I picked up the meth pipe after I just got done hitting a crack piece. I was sitting in the living room when it was placed on my coffeetable right in front of me.. I still remember the clank of the pipe hitting the table.. I just wanted to feel awake as I was so drianed all the time. Being a single mom of my 4 amazing children.. and being a empath and having my mental health issues I was just tired. The meth made me feel awake that I could be a great mom and play with my children again like I used to do. I was able to clean my house again and make dinner and then arts and crafts. I was not told that all I did was lay around and sleep.. Later on down the road I progessed to smoking Meth, smoking Crack and doing lines of Coke all at once.. boom.. boom.. boom. It was a rush and I was slowly giving up on myself... on my will to live anymore. I hated that I had turned to drugs and living the way I was because it was not fair to my babies... I hated knowing that I was hiding this from my mom.. from my friends.. more time passed as I was getting heavier and heavier into drugs when I decided to turn to injecting Meth. That is the worst thing I could had ever done to myself. Yes the 1st time injecting it was a absolute crazy rush that I can not even try to explain. However the 2nd time I had injected it was very potent that I thoght I was going to die and well why not because that is what I been trying to do about this time.... The 3rd time of injecting I had contacted my Hepitatis C.. By this time it was not just Meth It was coke.. or crack... even sometimes it would be coke mixed with meth that I would had injected... again I wanted to die.. I no longer could handle life I was done.. I put my children to where I knew that they would be safe and tried to go to Rehab to get help but I was denied it as I was not addicted to Opiods. I begged the hospital not to send me home because I could had easily got my drugs and I no longer had my children so I would not stop for anything.. The hospital sent me home anyways... I would always be out doing drugs because I was actually taking it and trying to die on the drugs on purpose.. but I wanted it to look like a overdose instead of a suicide. I figured it would be alot easier on my mom family and friends if I had died this way. I still remember the day I wrote those court papers on my children too. The day I lost my whole world. I was bawling so bad and felt so faint. I could'nt handle not hearing thier voices playing or footsteps running around. I missed the craziness the fights between them.... the tucking them into bed after 5 books of being read to them... "just one more book mommy'... it was all competley gone.. The night before I did the paper work on my children I had actually died and my heart restarted.. I swear this on everything that matters to me.. I had did so many drugs and injections that my heart gave up... I remember it felt like a huge massive volt to the chest. April 27th 2020 I went to White Deer Run Rehab.. I called the rehab and I placed myself there. I wanted to get better and heal for my babies. So I can get a college degree and get a career so my children had a better life then they had before thier mom became a addict.. I graduated May 25th 2020. In Rehab I found out that my liver was bad... I was so scared... later on my doctor did clearfiy that I have Hepitis C. Most days now I am lucky if I can get out of bed just to go to the bathroom.. and it hurts so bad just to do that.. to this day I am still refered to as a druggie.. it hurts so much. However I will show the world that once a addict always a addict is false lies. I am Human! I am Victoria a Phoniex bird and a Warrior! I am going to become a Addictions Counlser and help people who need it.. Always know that rather you a are Active Addict.. a recoving Addict.. a recovered Addict or a family member of one you are not alone!
© Bonnie86