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Understanding
#understanding
“..Are you really going to be with her?”
“…This is the first time we’ve talked in ages, but that’s the first thing you ask?”
“…”
“Well, I’ve been doing better than before, since you’ve been generous enough to ask, and yes, I’ve come to the decision that I will be.”
“…Does she make you happy?”
“Would I be with her if I wasn’t? And what’s with all the questions about her? Shouldn’t we be discussing a different matter, like why on Earth you’ve contacted me again after all this time?”
“..I just wanted to see how you were.”
“Well then, now that you’ve seen for yourself, I suppose you won’t be needing me to stay any longer.”
“Wait! Just a few more minutes of your time, that’s all I need.”
“…Make it worthwhile, because I doubt I’d be in your presence again.”
“…When did we go wrong?”
“…Are you kidding me? You’ve decided to ask this now?”
“I was scared of the answer back then, but I don’t want to run from it anymore. So please tell me, was it something I did? Maybe something I didn’t do?”
“You called me here to have me relieve your worries and insecurities about yourself? You should be doing that on your own.”
“Just do this for me, please. For old time’s sake?”
“…Fine. It wasn’t that you didn’t know what to do, or something specific that you did that upset me; it was the fact that you aren’t an important person to yourself. You always put me over your needs, and it hurt me watching you deteriorate trying to provide for me. I tried to do something about it, to provide you with the care you deserved but wouldn’t give to yourself, but my efforts rendered to be useless. I felt helpless while not being able to do anything but watch you struggle. I knew that I wasn’t right for you, and that subsequently made you not right for me.”
“…”
“…I’m not blaming you, I genuinely want the best for you, but you need to start recognizing how amazing you are. You need to instill the fact that you can and need to be selfish sometimes, even if it risks you losing that person. If you think that opening yourself up, or doing something you know is right for you would cause that person to abandon you, then maybe they aren’t as worthy of your care as you thought they were.”
“…”
“…If that’s all, I’ll be leaving now.”
“…Does she remind you of me?”
“…What?”
“I mean..is she similar to me, but without those qualities that caused you to end things with me?”
“…She’s different to you, because a lot of people can have most of the qualities that you have, but what made you you is your impulse to be self-deprecating and altruistic. That was one of the things I wanted to change about you. Not because I didn’t like who you are, but because I didn’t like how you made yourself to be. If you asked anyone who knew you, they would call you the most selfless person they’ve ever met, some might even call you a pushover. While that in ifself isn’t the worst reputation to have, it became the only apparent trait that you exposed. Even with me. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated the way you made me feel comfortable and for the support you gave me, it was one of the reasons I fell for you, but over time, I realized that you lacked giving that same support to yourself. And I realized that I wasn’t fit to give you that support. That’s all it was, me not being good enough to support you.”
“…I see. So she’s everything that I couldn’t be for you.”
“…”
“...You probably don’t care about this now, but I did want to be those things for you. I wanted to learn to support myself, to be able to provide for myself as well, so that I could be the best partner for you. I didn’t want to be helpless when it came to taking care of myself, but I quickly realized that changing old habits isn’t easy. I realized how difficult it was to become the person I wanted to be, and I started to feel like I failed you. One of my issues is that I give up easily, unlike you. You always found a solution to something I would deem as impossible, that’s why I really looked up to you. So when you said that you couldn’t work things out to help me, I now know just how difficult things must have been for you. It wasn’t that you weren’t enough, you were always enough, I just didn’t know how to put in the effort as well. It was my fault. I wish you the best with her. I know that it’s not something I need to be concerned about, but please treat her well. She’s been a great friend over the years.”
“Friend? What do you mean? Do you know her?”
“That doesn’t matter now. I appreciate you for having this conversation with me, you should go back to her now. Thank you for everything. Goodbye.”
“…Goodbye.”
© Grinchy
“..Are you really going to be with her?”
“…This is the first time we’ve talked in ages, but that’s the first thing you ask?”
“…”
“Well, I’ve been doing better than before, since you’ve been generous enough to ask, and yes, I’ve come to the decision that I will be.”
“…Does she make you happy?”
“Would I be with her if I wasn’t? And what’s with all the questions about her? Shouldn’t we be discussing a different matter, like why on Earth you’ve contacted me again after all this time?”
“..I just wanted to see how you were.”
“Well then, now that you’ve seen for yourself, I suppose you won’t be needing me to stay any longer.”
“Wait! Just a few more minutes of your time, that’s all I need.”
“…Make it worthwhile, because I doubt I’d be in your presence again.”
“…When did we go wrong?”
“…Are you kidding me? You’ve decided to ask this now?”
“I was scared of the answer back then, but I don’t want to run from it anymore. So please tell me, was it something I did? Maybe something I didn’t do?”
“You called me here to have me relieve your worries and insecurities about yourself? You should be doing that on your own.”
“Just do this for me, please. For old time’s sake?”
“…Fine. It wasn’t that you didn’t know what to do, or something specific that you did that upset me; it was the fact that you aren’t an important person to yourself. You always put me over your needs, and it hurt me watching you deteriorate trying to provide for me. I tried to do something about it, to provide you with the care you deserved but wouldn’t give to yourself, but my efforts rendered to be useless. I felt helpless while not being able to do anything but watch you struggle. I knew that I wasn’t right for you, and that subsequently made you not right for me.”
“…”
“…I’m not blaming you, I genuinely want the best for you, but you need to start recognizing how amazing you are. You need to instill the fact that you can and need to be selfish sometimes, even if it risks you losing that person. If you think that opening yourself up, or doing something you know is right for you would cause that person to abandon you, then maybe they aren’t as worthy of your care as you thought they were.”
“…”
“…If that’s all, I’ll be leaving now.”
“…Does she remind you of me?”
“…What?”
“I mean..is she similar to me, but without those qualities that caused you to end things with me?”
“…She’s different to you, because a lot of people can have most of the qualities that you have, but what made you you is your impulse to be self-deprecating and altruistic. That was one of the things I wanted to change about you. Not because I didn’t like who you are, but because I didn’t like how you made yourself to be. If you asked anyone who knew you, they would call you the most selfless person they’ve ever met, some might even call you a pushover. While that in ifself isn’t the worst reputation to have, it became the only apparent trait that you exposed. Even with me. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated the way you made me feel comfortable and for the support you gave me, it was one of the reasons I fell for you, but over time, I realized that you lacked giving that same support to yourself. And I realized that I wasn’t fit to give you that support. That’s all it was, me not being good enough to support you.”
“…I see. So she’s everything that I couldn’t be for you.”
“…”
“...You probably don’t care about this now, but I did want to be those things for you. I wanted to learn to support myself, to be able to provide for myself as well, so that I could be the best partner for you. I didn’t want to be helpless when it came to taking care of myself, but I quickly realized that changing old habits isn’t easy. I realized how difficult it was to become the person I wanted to be, and I started to feel like I failed you. One of my issues is that I give up easily, unlike you. You always found a solution to something I would deem as impossible, that’s why I really looked up to you. So when you said that you couldn’t work things out to help me, I now know just how difficult things must have been for you. It wasn’t that you weren’t enough, you were always enough, I just didn’t know how to put in the effort as well. It was my fault. I wish you the best with her. I know that it’s not something I need to be concerned about, but please treat her well. She’s been a great friend over the years.”
“Friend? What do you mean? Do you know her?”
“That doesn’t matter now. I appreciate you for having this conversation with me, you should go back to her now. Thank you for everything. Goodbye.”
“…Goodbye.”
© Grinchy
