It’s late evening, and the sky outside is painted with hues of fading orange. Sitting in a quiet corner of your the restaurant, alone. The kitchen has been cleaned up, the staff has gone home, and the scent of freshly brewed coffee lingers in the air. While slipping from my custom made latte cup , suddenly, a tall figure dressed in flowing, ethereal robes materializes before you. The presence is overwhelming, and you know immediately who it is—The God of Guilt.
He speaks, his voice a deep, echoing hum that reverberates through the room.

Sit back and read peacefully understanding the emptiness sad story of Thabiso Dube and Gods of Guilt.
Story narrated by Shaft.


Shaft : (speaking softly, but with frustration)

Thabiso : Why am I not married yet? Is there something wrong with me?

Shaft : (his voice like rolling thunder, but with a softness that surprises you)

Gods of Guilt: You carry much on your shoulders. Marriage is only one part of the path, but you think it defines you. Tell me, do you really believe you are incomplete without it?

Thabiso : I don’t know. In Nguni culture, marriage is so important. It's seen as a rite of passage. A man pays lobola, the bride price, to unite families and bring honor to his ancestors. My family expects it of me. They ask, when will I take my place?

God of Guilt: And you feel the weight of their expectations, as if every year without a wedding diminishes your worth. But tell me, do you want it for yourself?

Thabiso : I thought I did. But I’m not sure if I want it for me, or because I feel like I owe it to my ancestors, to my family. In Shembe beliefs, marriage is sacred. It brings balance, helps us stay grounded in the divine order. They say it is the path to true happiness, the fulfillment of life’s purpose. But why does it feel like a burden?

God of Guilt: Shembe speaks of balance, of unity in all things, and yet you feel disconnected. Could it be that your path does not yet require marriage for you to find balance?

Thabiso : Maybe... but Christianity, too, teaches that marriage is a gift from God. That it’s meant to reflect the love between Christ and the Church. To be single feels like I’m missing out on something holy, like I’m unworthy of that love.

God of Guilt: You have taken on the weight of every tradition, every belief, without asking yourself what you truly want. Your worth is not tied to your marital status. Christianity speaks of love, but love is found in many forms.


Thabiso : I try to focus on my work, my restaurant career. I’ve built something of my own, poured myself into it. But still, the doubt creeps in. People say, "You’re successful, but you’re alone."

God of Guilt: Success does not negate loneliness, but it also does not define failure. Your career is your creation, a reflection of your spirit, your passion. Do you love what you do?

Thabiso : Yes, I do. Cooking is art, it’s how I connect with people. But sometimes I feel like I’ve chosen it over love. Like I’ve let it replace what could be.


God of Guilt: Who told you that love and success could not coexist? You’ve accepted that one must come at the cost of the other. Perhaps you have created something beautiful because it fills you in a way that marriage has not yet called to you.

Thabiso : Maybe. But then, there’s the politics of it all. I’ve always been drawn to Marxist ideas. I believe that marriage is often used as a tool of control, a way to keep people locked into traditional roles that maintain capitalist structures. I don’t want to be trapped in a system that reduces me to a role, where my value is tied to whether I’m married or not.

God of Guilt: Ah, the political dimension. You see marriage as an institution that binds you, makes you a part of something you resist. Your Marxist beliefs speak to liberation, equality, the dismantling of oppression. But are you rejecting the idea of marriage, or the structures that have co-opted it?

Thabiso : Maybe both. I don’t want to be boxed in, to lose myself in the expectations. But then there are my desires... my sexual fantasies. I want to be free, to explore, to not feel ashamed. Marriage seems like it might force me into a role that limits that freedom.

God of Guilt: Desire is a natural part of you, but shame is something you have learned. You fear that marriage will restrict you, that it will tame your desires. But ask yourself: does marriage have to be that way? Must it limit your freedom, or could it enhance it, with the right partner?

Thabiso : I don’t know. Part of me feels that marriage would silence that part of me. My fantasies—they're a part of who I am, but society says they’re not appropriate for a married person. Especially in our culture. There’s an expectation to be modest, to suppress those urges.

God of Guilt: And yet, within you, those desires live, unashamed. They are part of your truth. To marry does not mean to silence your truth. It is possible to find someone who embraces all of you, even the parts you think must be hidden.

Thabiso : But how do I know if that’s possible?

God of Guilt: You must first stop punishing yourself for not fitting into the mold that others have created for you. Release the guilt, and allow yourself to be open to a path that is yours alone. Your career, your politics, your desires—they are all part of your journey, and marriage, if it comes, will be part of it too, when you are ready, and with someone who sees you fully.

Thabiso : It’s hard to let go of the guilt. I feel like I’m disappointing everyone around me.

God of Guilt: The greatest disappointment would be living a life that isn’t yours. You are not here to fulfill the expectations of others. You are here to live your truth.

Thabiso : So, I shouldn’t feel guilty for not being married yet?

God of Guilt: No. The guilt you carry is not yours to hold. Your path is unique, and only you can walk it. Marriage may come, or it may not, but either way, you are enough as you are.


Shaft : When that day comes, may you find peace in your choice. But remember, guilt is a powerful force. Don’t let it decide for you."

And just like that, the room returns to its quiet stillness. He was left with ythoughts, the weight of the conversation hanging in the air like the scent of coffee, rich and lingering


To be continued ❤️✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽


© Thabiso Dube