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THE DARKNESS
When we met you pulled me from the darkness he showed the way to towards the light. I was lost and alone like my night in shining armour u picked me up and rode away from my darkest days. You showed me love and gave me a home, an animal to love, affection and protection, food in my belly.
Then something I never thought I'd want again after leaving those dark days. The unconditional love of our first child Kaden. Not long after finding out our son was coming my night and shining armour was the one hurting me.
You broke my heart first when u left one night for the arms of another woman. I was alone crying & pregnant. I left my knight our home as it was the only thing left to do. You played on my heartstrings using my lack of family against me. Knowing I wanted my son to have a loving family. Promising to change and it was never to happen again.
He was sorry and declared his love. Many mental and physical scars and bruises I endured by my saviour's hands. Then a stork delivered us a blonde blue-eyed angel girl. Though not his blood he loved more than if she did have his blood flowing in her veins
Unable to cope with the abuse and another woman every other month. I slowly was losing my mind. temporarily I finally snapped from the stress and hurt I have left no choice but to leave the kids under his protection.
He was always an amazing father so I knew they were in good hands.
Left homeless, no kids, no love again. I started being pulled back to that darkness again to be swallowed once again. Every time I got close to that darkness again he showed up to pull me away just in time to pull me back into the twisted darkness he called love instead. I know it was not loved. I never really was shown love even as a child yet I knew this did not love. I tried to convince myself the good deeds outweigh the bad ones for years. Till it no longer did anymore. Now our kids r older being affected by the darkness he called love. I kept having my world torn apart at his whim. The kids having their world damaged each time their mom would be ripped outta their life at his whim. He would decide when to take everything I loved and needed from my life. My kids, my home, my animals everything was in his control. Anytime I would begin to feel happy on my own or with someone else he came swooping in dangling my greatest weakness as the bait to leave whatever happiness I started to find and build without him. Knowing he would win as I would always choose my baby's happiness over mine. He would win and home is where return. Back for him to use as his maid, punching bag, & sitter while he saw his other woman.
Our kids now old enough to more than once has witnessed his dark twisted love and started to see and understand. Would come to mom's defence and be my protector. Putting themselves between the physical abuse and scolding him for being mean physically and with his words.
Unable to see how it was affecting and hurting them he was unable to stop. I was unable to stay away from the twisted darkness he called to love as he had my heart in his hands named Ireland and Kaden. After 11 years of his twisted love left me with zero family or friends to turn to for help anymore. I was alone lost and felt like I was nothing but a burden to those around me. So I stayed to endure his abuse. His abuse no longer only affected me but also was hurting my babies too.
Unsure what's left for me to do I think that darkness swallowing me is what should be easiest. Let's gg that darkness draws me in close let swallow me up the whole. Not sure I can survive that darkness again but know his twisted dark love will end up killing me. Maybe I'm beyond saving and maybe meant to be lost and alone forever.
Never meant to feel safe, loved, and happy.
© Cassie kellie
© Cassie keliie
Then something I never thought I'd want again after leaving those dark days. The unconditional love of our first child Kaden. Not long after finding out our son was coming my night and shining armour was the one hurting me.
You broke my heart first when u left one night for the arms of another woman. I was alone crying & pregnant. I left my knight our home as it was the only thing left to do. You played on my heartstrings using my lack of family against me. Knowing I wanted my son to have a loving family. Promising to change and it was never to happen again.
He was sorry and declared his love. Many mental and physical scars and bruises I endured by my saviour's hands. Then a stork delivered us a blonde blue-eyed angel girl. Though not his blood he loved more than if she did have his blood flowing in her veins
Unable to cope with the abuse and another woman every other month. I slowly was losing my mind. temporarily I finally snapped from the stress and hurt I have left no choice but to leave the kids under his protection.
He was always an amazing father so I knew they were in good hands.
Left homeless, no kids, no love again. I started being pulled back to that darkness again to be swallowed once again. Every time I got close to that darkness again he showed up to pull me away just in time to pull me back into the twisted darkness he called love instead. I know it was not loved. I never really was shown love even as a child yet I knew this did not love. I tried to convince myself the good deeds outweigh the bad ones for years. Till it no longer did anymore. Now our kids r older being affected by the darkness he called love. I kept having my world torn apart at his whim. The kids having their world damaged each time their mom would be ripped outta their life at his whim. He would decide when to take everything I loved and needed from my life. My kids, my home, my animals everything was in his control. Anytime I would begin to feel happy on my own or with someone else he came swooping in dangling my greatest weakness as the bait to leave whatever happiness I started to find and build without him. Knowing he would win as I would always choose my baby's happiness over mine. He would win and home is where return. Back for him to use as his maid, punching bag, & sitter while he saw his other woman.
Our kids now old enough to more than once has witnessed his dark twisted love and started to see and understand. Would come to mom's defence and be my protector. Putting themselves between the physical abuse and scolding him for being mean physically and with his words.
Unable to see how it was affecting and hurting them he was unable to stop. I was unable to stay away from the twisted darkness he called to love as he had my heart in his hands named Ireland and Kaden. After 11 years of his twisted love left me with zero family or friends to turn to for help anymore. I was alone lost and felt like I was nothing but a burden to those around me. So I stayed to endure his abuse. His abuse no longer only affected me but also was hurting my babies too.
Unsure what's left for me to do I think that darkness swallowing me is what should be easiest. Let's gg that darkness draws me in close let swallow me up the whole. Not sure I can survive that darkness again but know his twisted dark love will end up killing me. Maybe I'm beyond saving and maybe meant to be lost and alone forever.
Never meant to feel safe, loved, and happy.
© Cassie kellie
© Cassie keliie
