5 views
Identity Crisis
Living a dream life is hugely expensive and unexpectedly thorny. It really needs more guts, something more than merely earning bread and butter for livelihood. And when the dreamer happens to be a woman, the journey can be called traily and tumultuous with no edges to catch on.
Yes, I am a woman. My fault lies in the fact that I wished to live my dream life. You can call me an ardent and zealous dreamer.
I was born into a middle class family with all the middle class myths and mindset. In my childhood, I was not a child with normal childish acts, I was a girl child with lots of do's and don'ts. It was a curse on me. Being a girl child, everything, almost everything was predetermined and prefixed for me. I had to play myriad roles. I was first, an observer and preserver of rules of patriarchal family, afterwards, A dreamer, a person.
Playing and passing through labyrinths of roles, I was somehow living my life. I was an obedient daughter for my parents, loving and caring sister for my younger siblings but at the same time, a hard nut to crack kindaa student. Last one might be really funny and at the same time weird for you. I grew up, like most of the children generally grow up, but totally unprepared for my upcoming and unprecedented roles.
As I grew up, from a single me, several new personas came into being. I got married into another more stringent middle class family with inborn patriarchal middle class mindset. Now I was a subservient wife for my husband and a dutyful daughter-in-law for my In-laws. This was followed by a topsy-turvey phase called motherhood phase.
Life was treading on a path beset with miconception about conception and post-conception. But it turns out to be a lovely phase , although fully and whole time occupied with more rules and less personal space. But now I didn't care. Although feeling less 'Me', but with more inclined mother persona in me , I was marching ahead with a whole time burning lamp of motherhood. I was a doting mother. 'Besotted' is the more appropriate word here. Yes, I was a besotted mother. This phase is more full of milk of humanity and humility than ever in my life. I am a mom to two adorable kids. Always listening their little cooing filled me with a ocean of unbound happiness. An ecstatic mother. Seems a different luminous world na !!
But this luminous hole can be achieved only on the altar of loosing self completely. From a self-absorber to a selfless person - the journey is enoughly astonishing.
It was not at all easy-peasy for me. Upbringing of my children was a daunting task. But I was ready to lose everything, even my dreams and my 'Selfhood.'
The price was really huge. Losing dreams means a lot for a dreamer. But I was a mother now. Besotted mother.
The 'Identity Crisis' within me lurking in the shadow, I chided it with a cane in my hand and the motherhood's milk in head and heart.......
Did I get my identity back ???
Did I completed my dreams???
Did I achieved what I wanted???
Story to be continued.......
© Asuyosa@
Yes, I am a woman. My fault lies in the fact that I wished to live my dream life. You can call me an ardent and zealous dreamer.
I was born into a middle class family with all the middle class myths and mindset. In my childhood, I was not a child with normal childish acts, I was a girl child with lots of do's and don'ts. It was a curse on me. Being a girl child, everything, almost everything was predetermined and prefixed for me. I had to play myriad roles. I was first, an observer and preserver of rules of patriarchal family, afterwards, A dreamer, a person.
Playing and passing through labyrinths of roles, I was somehow living my life. I was an obedient daughter for my parents, loving and caring sister for my younger siblings but at the same time, a hard nut to crack kindaa student. Last one might be really funny and at the same time weird for you. I grew up, like most of the children generally grow up, but totally unprepared for my upcoming and unprecedented roles.
As I grew up, from a single me, several new personas came into being. I got married into another more stringent middle class family with inborn patriarchal middle class mindset. Now I was a subservient wife for my husband and a dutyful daughter-in-law for my In-laws. This was followed by a topsy-turvey phase called motherhood phase.
Life was treading on a path beset with miconception about conception and post-conception. But it turns out to be a lovely phase , although fully and whole time occupied with more rules and less personal space. But now I didn't care. Although feeling less 'Me', but with more inclined mother persona in me , I was marching ahead with a whole time burning lamp of motherhood. I was a doting mother. 'Besotted' is the more appropriate word here. Yes, I was a besotted mother. This phase is more full of milk of humanity and humility than ever in my life. I am a mom to two adorable kids. Always listening their little cooing filled me with a ocean of unbound happiness. An ecstatic mother. Seems a different luminous world na !!
But this luminous hole can be achieved only on the altar of loosing self completely. From a self-absorber to a selfless person - the journey is enoughly astonishing.
It was not at all easy-peasy for me. Upbringing of my children was a daunting task. But I was ready to lose everything, even my dreams and my 'Selfhood.'
The price was really huge. Losing dreams means a lot for a dreamer. But I was a mother now. Besotted mother.
The 'Identity Crisis' within me lurking in the shadow, I chided it with a cane in my hand and the motherhood's milk in head and heart.......
Did I get my identity back ???
Did I completed my dreams???
Did I achieved what I wanted???
Story to be continued.......
© Asuyosa@
