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To My soulmate
Today I have decided to try something new for I've grown to feel the hopelessness of my situation. 31 years spent looking in vain for someone that I do not know and does not know me.
I will write to her here and maybe one day she will see.
I wish to tell you that I love you more than I can put into the paltry form of communication. words are so easy to out on paper and yet lacking the actions that give them true meaning they are not but the promise of the message.
But despite this shortcoming I feel I must at least attempt to express the depth of what I see so far in the future held hostage by life's own uncertainty that can come upon us without warning.
I am a broken man less perfect than I could ever hope, and still striving to mend what I myself have broken. I was born to and given away twice before adulthood. This has if course caused me to obtain some serious issues with abandonment and rejection. however I have worked out some of the links and being a Cancerien I usually compensate for the gentle inside by having a sturdy outer exterior. Despite being hard I would not describe hard as gangster or tuff. I was raised by Caucasians in the small populations of Montana. I did not have any interactions with minorities till I was in my teens and by then I was so unfamiliar with the antics and behavior of my own culture that I felt like a stranger in the company of all and everyone.
This caused me to become somewhat of a lone wolf however I did and do have good social etiquette born of my early years with my adopted parents.
Growing up I was accustomed to feeling like the ugly duckling of the group partially due to being overweight at the beginning of my life. and also being a different color than everyone else. but there where some exceptions as I have said Ally made me feel wanted despite the fact that I was only 5.
It is strange but I was desperate to find my love from the moment I was capable of making memories. and yet no matter where I was it was as if I had just missed her.
I have felt like a stranger in a strange place since the beginning and now I find that it has not stopped but perhaps I understand better now than I did as a child. but this world seems a strange place to me. I do not know where I come from but I believe deep inside that I have come from a place unlike this place. There are things that feel like they are missing, just out of reach mentally and physically when I reach for them they are mysteriously silent and the missing of them has been a nagging feeling since birth.
When I wake up from dreams the world feels less than solid and I always wondered what the sensation will be like when I take my last breath and move into that eternal place after this three dimensional exsistance.
I feel like I was put here to of course grow spiritually but also to find you, whoever you might be. I think you and I go back beyond this world through worlds and universes beyond this one I now call home. I hope that this finds you and we can begin the together part of this journey through time. For the solitude has been useful but is beginning to hurt the heart and soul.
© Modern Immortality
I will write to her here and maybe one day she will see.
I wish to tell you that I love you more than I can put into the paltry form of communication. words are so easy to out on paper and yet lacking the actions that give them true meaning they are not but the promise of the message.
But despite this shortcoming I feel I must at least attempt to express the depth of what I see so far in the future held hostage by life's own uncertainty that can come upon us without warning.
I am a broken man less perfect than I could ever hope, and still striving to mend what I myself have broken. I was born to and given away twice before adulthood. This has if course caused me to obtain some serious issues with abandonment and rejection. however I have worked out some of the links and being a Cancerien I usually compensate for the gentle inside by having a sturdy outer exterior. Despite being hard I would not describe hard as gangster or tuff. I was raised by Caucasians in the small populations of Montana. I did not have any interactions with minorities till I was in my teens and by then I was so unfamiliar with the antics and behavior of my own culture that I felt like a stranger in the company of all and everyone.
This caused me to become somewhat of a lone wolf however I did and do have good social etiquette born of my early years with my adopted parents.
Growing up I was accustomed to feeling like the ugly duckling of the group partially due to being overweight at the beginning of my life. and also being a different color than everyone else. but there where some exceptions as I have said Ally made me feel wanted despite the fact that I was only 5.
It is strange but I was desperate to find my love from the moment I was capable of making memories. and yet no matter where I was it was as if I had just missed her.
I have felt like a stranger in a strange place since the beginning and now I find that it has not stopped but perhaps I understand better now than I did as a child. but this world seems a strange place to me. I do not know where I come from but I believe deep inside that I have come from a place unlike this place. There are things that feel like they are missing, just out of reach mentally and physically when I reach for them they are mysteriously silent and the missing of them has been a nagging feeling since birth.
When I wake up from dreams the world feels less than solid and I always wondered what the sensation will be like when I take my last breath and move into that eternal place after this three dimensional exsistance.
I feel like I was put here to of course grow spiritually but also to find you, whoever you might be. I think you and I go back beyond this world through worlds and universes beyond this one I now call home. I hope that this finds you and we can begin the together part of this journey through time. For the solitude has been useful but is beginning to hurt the heart and soul.
© Modern Immortality
