If there's something or someone that won't ever betray you—it will be your woman's instinct.

My name is Sam, and I've been in a relationship with my man for over three years. It was stable and healthy, I could say.

Yes, it wasn't perfect. We argued, had some misunderstandings, small fights, and our fair share of immaturity, but we always found reasons to forgive each other rather than letting our pride take over our relationship.

Yes, we stumbled and had some minor issues, but we would always get up, patch things up, and move forward before going to sleep. We sometimes lost our way, but we always redirected our steps and found our way back into each other's arms.

It was a solid relationship. Niño is not a perfect boyfriend, and neither am I.

But that's what love is. It's about two imperfect individuals who accept and love each other's imperfections perfectly.

Our relationship was going strong until...

"Love, do you know Mikaela? She's so arrogant!"

The way he diverted our conversation to talk about this girl I barely knew left me confused.

I mean, we were just talking about our dreams and goals in life, and now he brought up this girl out of the blue?

It felt weird.

"Oh, really? Just avoid her if she annoys you," I simply replied to his message.

After sending my message, a gut feeling completely disturbed me.

It was like my woman's instinct suddenly emerged, telling me that everything was not a coincidence and I had to follow it.

I knew I was not the type of woman who gets jealous easily, but I found myself spending time stalking this girl's social media accounts, searching for something suspicious.

And there, my heart dropped when I saw my man reacting with a heart emoji on one of her pictures.

Negative thoughts started to fill my mind, but I tried to erase them immediately.

"Don't be immature, Sam. He just reacted to her post once!" I convinced myself, trying to push away the doubts in my head.

"Why am I doing this?" I suddenly snapped back to reality and realized that what I was doing was completely immature.

It was as if I was saying that I didn't trust my boyfriend. I felt like I was betraying him by doubting his love.

I immediately turned off my phone, went back to sleep, and promised myself to stop stalking the girl and stop assuming the worst.

 

Days flew by, and everything seemed to be going smoothly, just like before, until I accidentally saw Mark's myday, my man's best friend.

It was a group picture of their class having an overnight stay at Mark's house.

My eyes instantly focused on my boyfriend, and when I saw him standing next to the same girl I was suspicious about, my heart clenched in pain.

Out of all his classmates in the picture, why was he standing next to the girl he told me he hated so much?

Was it just a coincidence?

I don't know if I was being paranoid or not, but I started to pay more attention to things. I became more sensitive and observant.

After three years of being in a relationship with him, it was the first time I felt so disturbed and bothered by another girl.

 

"Love, what can you say about Mikaela? You know, your classmate..."

That was my message, and he took three minutes before replying.

"Oh, her? She's just one of the many guys she's involved with, love. She's such a flirt!" he replied.

The way he constructed those words with so much hatred was enough to make all the doubts in my head vanish instantly.

"Malandi" is such a strong word to describe a girl, and when he used it to describe her, as if he would never like a girl like her, it lifted the heavy load on my chest.

Maybe I was just being paranoid.

After that day, I crossed Mikaela off my list of worries. Knowing how much my boyfriend hated her, I no longer considered her a threat.

I immediately removed her from my watchlist.

 

Weeks went by, and I was scrolling through my newsfeed when Mikaela's Facebook account appeared as a suggested friend.

I don't know what came over me, but I stalked her again, and what I saw completely disturbed me.

"You're so pretty," he commented on one of her pictures.

There, my heart shattered completely. All the doubts I had came rushing back.

My woman's instinct warned me, telling me not to ignore what I witnessed.

After that day, I asked him again about his thoughts on this girl, and all his replies were negative remarks.

"I don't like her, love. She has an unattractive body!"

"She's also so fake!"

"She's arrogant and pretentious!"

The way he noticed every detail of her flaws told me that this girl had completely caught his attention.

 

After a week, I started noticing every little change in him. He became cold and distant. He became cruel and ignored my feelings. He stopped caring about my pain and disappointment.

He became a stranger in my eyes.

After a month, he confronted me and confessed everything honestly. No excuses. No sweet lies.

He told me he fell out of love. That he grew tired of me. That he no longer felt the spark between us.

But I knew he found someone else, and that's why he wanted to break up.

"Tell me you hate that girl, love..." I whispered, begging. "Tell me she's a flirt and that she's not up to your standards!"

He just bowed his head, avoiding my teary eyes.

"Is that why you pointed out all her flaws when talking to me? So that I wouldn't consider her a threat? So that I wouldn't keep an eye on her?" Tears started to well up in my eyes.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered.

And there, I cried.

"Nice tactic," I laughed in pain. "I didn't know you could stoop this low, love..." I sarcastically chuckled, feeling disgusted by him.

"It's funny how you made her a villain in our story while you made her your queen in your own story..." I sobbed harder.

"Fuck you both!" I screamed at him and immediately walked away.

After turning my back, I broke down in tears, knowing that I would carry this trauma with me forever.

 

After three weeks, he changed his Facebook status to "IN A RELATIONSHIP" with the same girl he told me he hated.

Suddenly, I felt used, betrayed, and manipulated!

Hearing him talk about how he hated a girl I had a bad feeling about, and realizing that he secretly wanted her, was a kind of pain I never wanted to experience again.

It hurt. It hurt so much.

There, I realized that some men hide their admiration for someone through hatred. Sometimes, they say mean things about a girl, but deep down, they secretly want to be with them once their relationship is over.

Damn, I don't know if I can ever trust men and their words again like I used to.

 

#NammyRamos

© JSM