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The Ideal Kid
Recently I found a real life story where a girl was involved in some shady business. When her parents came to know about it they disgraced her and asked her to leave the house.
That's the brief.
Now what the girl said is important here.
She said, " My parents used to pressurise me too much. When I was young I didn't understand it. I was afraid of them and so I did everything they asked me to, making them believe that I'm a 'good' girl that they've always wanted. I wanted to do things differently, I had my own interests my own dreams. But I knew that these will never be accepted.
So when my parents found out about my shady business, I knew this was the perfect time to move away from them.
If even for once they had told me to stop doing it because of my safety, I would have happily quit and live with them. But all they said was that I am a disgrace and a Stigma to their family,that they couldn't believe how their 'good' daughter can do this."
These are not the exact words she said. I've written here in my language. But there's no change in the messege or meaning of her words.
Do you see what happened here?
Someone's dear daughter, 'good' daughter, doesn't even care about the bad stuff she's doing, but is happy to finally have the opportunity to be freed from her parents control.
It's almost every child's story unfortunately, especially in our Asian countries or families where parents support their children until they are settled.
Again, not every family is like this, but, if you know what I mean, you know it.
This girl's case can be considered huge, but even when such is not the situation, parents react like this on every little disobedience or annoyance from their children.
And like she said, kids begin to fake their character by pretending to be a "good girl/boy" while suppressing so many things within amd suffering mentally alot. Parents can't even imagine that suffocation.
I'm not anti - parents. Parents do whatever they can for their kids. But parents also have to understand this thing that their kids are not computers where you type in "good", you'll get "good" flashing on the screen. They have emotional needs!
Parents themselves are already so much caught up in "people pleasing and society pleasing" that subconsciously they are not raising their kids to be a civil being, but to be a shiny trophy that can be put up on a pedestal and hence satisfy their own prestige needs or a robot who follows their orders all the time. Such "poor" kids are called "good" or the "ideal" kids.
Parents don't realise how this will impact the kids in later ages. Poor kids suffer a lot.
And because of it, when they make a mistake, it becomes a Stigma or shame for the parents.
I always believe that there should be a qualification test before a couple wants to be parents. Because parenting is not just about welcoming a baby, it's a responsibility for the whole life.
I've seen kids suffer because of their abusive parents, because of their parents financial issues and so on.
You two adults are having a hard time, face it resolve it, but please don't involve another life also into it!
Millions of babies, kids, teens, adults must be suffering today because of it.
Couples should be educated, checked if they are Mentally capable of taking this responsibility or not and on other aspects also like finances and family background amd social background, etc. And then be permitted to become parents.
I know there are less chances that such a law or test could come into existence. But anyone reading this story post, if you understood what I meant to say, please think before becoming a Parent.
I obviously know that it's human nature to have babies. But let's just not let the new lives suffer because of this.
Parenting completes a human, I understand. But please don't achieve this accomplishment or sense of fulfillment over someone's suffering.
Because, this happens and this is a fact. It's just that if parents ever come to realise this, it's too late. Because the trauma has already got planted into your child's mind, which he/she maybe won't be able to get out even willingly.
Being adults, we all have our own battles. And it's ok to have ups and downs. It's life! But if you are, by any means, not able to maintain the balance, please don't add another life to your scale.
The girl, in the story above, was asked how she'd react if her kids were to be found in such business. You know what she said?
She said that she has given up the idea of family and all, seeing her parents' ways of upbringing, their controlling nature, etc.
Can you imagine the grief and trauma she must be carrying?
This is just one of the many ways how it effects the kids. Think bout yourself, think deeply. If you are a 90's kid, there are chances that you'll find traces of this thing in you, maybe you never realised. The generation before 90's, I think they were really hard workers and maybe never really thought about such things. They were also affected but they never knew, never. And carried this into their own parenting also.
The later generation, they are on a different level. With so much social media influence, there struggles have changed a lot, maybe something we won't even consider struggles! But for them, they are struggles, and we can't ignore them just because it's nothing for us.
Instead if you are a parent, teacher or gaurding of such a kid, you have to take a closer look to his/her struggles and then try to help him/her resolve them.
Things like "we used to walk miles to reach school when we were your age" is no solution to their struggles!
And everyone faces peer pressure in their lives, but peer pressure of today's generation is different, and we need to understand that, first, then try to fix it.
You can give all the comfort and luxury to your kids, but if you give emotional damage, it is irreversible and incomparable to all the luxury.
Even if you can't offer them luxuries, you can always offer them understanding, respect and emotional support. At the end of the day, that's what every human craves for.
No one is like, first arguing with the family and then coming to the bed saying " wow, I made a great business deal today!" and sleep peacefully!
You get it?
So don't hide behind " we've always wanted the best for you, or, we've always loved you, or, we've always cared for you, or, we've done so much for you."
If today you realise that you have been treating your kids like this, intentionally or unintentionally, accept it and apologise. If you are not a parent yet, still think of it as any adult's responsibility towards kids.
Because we all know that our lives are affected not only by parents, but school and society also. It doesn't matter if you are a stranger to a kid. Treat him/her wisely.
Change your ways for the better of everyone.
© bani745
The 'moral values' post is yet to be written.
I will definitely try to post it soon.
That's the brief.
Now what the girl said is important here.
She said, " My parents used to pressurise me too much. When I was young I didn't understand it. I was afraid of them and so I did everything they asked me to, making them believe that I'm a 'good' girl that they've always wanted. I wanted to do things differently, I had my own interests my own dreams. But I knew that these will never be accepted.
So when my parents found out about my shady business, I knew this was the perfect time to move away from them.
If even for once they had told me to stop doing it because of my safety, I would have happily quit and live with them. But all they said was that I am a disgrace and a Stigma to their family,that they couldn't believe how their 'good' daughter can do this."
These are not the exact words she said. I've written here in my language. But there's no change in the messege or meaning of her words.
Do you see what happened here?
Someone's dear daughter, 'good' daughter, doesn't even care about the bad stuff she's doing, but is happy to finally have the opportunity to be freed from her parents control.
It's almost every child's story unfortunately, especially in our Asian countries or families where parents support their children until they are settled.
Again, not every family is like this, but, if you know what I mean, you know it.
This girl's case can be considered huge, but even when such is not the situation, parents react like this on every little disobedience or annoyance from their children.
And like she said, kids begin to fake their character by pretending to be a "good girl/boy" while suppressing so many things within amd suffering mentally alot. Parents can't even imagine that suffocation.
I'm not anti - parents. Parents do whatever they can for their kids. But parents also have to understand this thing that their kids are not computers where you type in "good", you'll get "good" flashing on the screen. They have emotional needs!
Parents themselves are already so much caught up in "people pleasing and society pleasing" that subconsciously they are not raising their kids to be a civil being, but to be a shiny trophy that can be put up on a pedestal and hence satisfy their own prestige needs or a robot who follows their orders all the time. Such "poor" kids are called "good" or the "ideal" kids.
Parents don't realise how this will impact the kids in later ages. Poor kids suffer a lot.
And because of it, when they make a mistake, it becomes a Stigma or shame for the parents.
I always believe that there should be a qualification test before a couple wants to be parents. Because parenting is not just about welcoming a baby, it's a responsibility for the whole life.
I've seen kids suffer because of their abusive parents, because of their parents financial issues and so on.
You two adults are having a hard time, face it resolve it, but please don't involve another life also into it!
Millions of babies, kids, teens, adults must be suffering today because of it.
Couples should be educated, checked if they are Mentally capable of taking this responsibility or not and on other aspects also like finances and family background amd social background, etc. And then be permitted to become parents.
I know there are less chances that such a law or test could come into existence. But anyone reading this story post, if you understood what I meant to say, please think before becoming a Parent.
I obviously know that it's human nature to have babies. But let's just not let the new lives suffer because of this.
Parenting completes a human, I understand. But please don't achieve this accomplishment or sense of fulfillment over someone's suffering.
Because, this happens and this is a fact. It's just that if parents ever come to realise this, it's too late. Because the trauma has already got planted into your child's mind, which he/she maybe won't be able to get out even willingly.
Being adults, we all have our own battles. And it's ok to have ups and downs. It's life! But if you are, by any means, not able to maintain the balance, please don't add another life to your scale.
The girl, in the story above, was asked how she'd react if her kids were to be found in such business. You know what she said?
She said that she has given up the idea of family and all, seeing her parents' ways of upbringing, their controlling nature, etc.
Can you imagine the grief and trauma she must be carrying?
This is just one of the many ways how it effects the kids. Think bout yourself, think deeply. If you are a 90's kid, there are chances that you'll find traces of this thing in you, maybe you never realised. The generation before 90's, I think they were really hard workers and maybe never really thought about such things. They were also affected but they never knew, never. And carried this into their own parenting also.
The later generation, they are on a different level. With so much social media influence, there struggles have changed a lot, maybe something we won't even consider struggles! But for them, they are struggles, and we can't ignore them just because it's nothing for us.
Instead if you are a parent, teacher or gaurding of such a kid, you have to take a closer look to his/her struggles and then try to help him/her resolve them.
Things like "we used to walk miles to reach school when we were your age" is no solution to their struggles!
And everyone faces peer pressure in their lives, but peer pressure of today's generation is different, and we need to understand that, first, then try to fix it.
You can give all the comfort and luxury to your kids, but if you give emotional damage, it is irreversible and incomparable to all the luxury.
Even if you can't offer them luxuries, you can always offer them understanding, respect and emotional support. At the end of the day, that's what every human craves for.
No one is like, first arguing with the family and then coming to the bed saying " wow, I made a great business deal today!" and sleep peacefully!
You get it?
So don't hide behind " we've always wanted the best for you, or, we've always loved you, or, we've always cared for you, or, we've done so much for you."
If today you realise that you have been treating your kids like this, intentionally or unintentionally, accept it and apologise. If you are not a parent yet, still think of it as any adult's responsibility towards kids.
Because we all know that our lives are affected not only by parents, but school and society also. It doesn't matter if you are a stranger to a kid. Treat him/her wisely.
Change your ways for the better of everyone.
© bani745
The 'moral values' post is yet to be written.
I will definitely try to post it soon.
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