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S'He
"Welcome to your new job," Miss. Bella smiled at me. For a middle-aged woman, she does not wear much makeup. It almost makes me even more uncomfortable about a situation I never asked to be in.
"Thank you, Miss. Bella," I reply slowly, fiddling with my fingers with my sleeves pulled down over a part of my palms.
Miss. Bella begins walking and I instinctively follow after her. She points out some of the different rooms of the small office building, being genuinely friendly. It's hard for me to believe that any woman can be nice, especially after my mother paralyzed my father and walked out on her only son.
We get to the front of the building again, having walked in an entire circle. "Do you have any questions for me?" Miss. Bella asks, looking at me.
I divert her eye contact. My voice squeaks when I respond, "No, madamé."
She smiled. "Go ahead and go get yourself some lunch and find me when your done. They should have your work desk set up by then."
With a nod, I mumble a word of thanks. The woman walked away and I go over to the small break room that had a coffee machine and some bottled water. I down one of the waters and choke on the last drink, coughing some before I am able to catch my breath.
It's a very early time to be having lunch, so I am alone. I didn't bring anything to eat, so I head to the bathroom. Standing next to both of the doors, my stomach sinks. The little dress of the female looks so appealing. It always has... I'm too gentle to be the world's view of masculine.
And when I look at the males door? It only reminds me of all the suffering and pain my little boy self had to go through. Here, at work, the environment is completely different. I don't know anyone. It was different at school, everyone knew me. But here? I can finally act on the feelings that I've been containing so long.
So I step into the female bathroom. At first, no one seems to be in there. It's a relief to take a stall and sit down without anyone giving me a sideways double-take, asking themselves if this young adult is truly man or woman. It is not a question that should be asked so often. Take people as they are, it makes them happy when they feel accepted.
© ash_loner🌸
"Thank you, Miss. Bella," I reply slowly, fiddling with my fingers with my sleeves pulled down over a part of my palms.
Miss. Bella begins walking and I instinctively follow after her. She points out some of the different rooms of the small office building, being genuinely friendly. It's hard for me to believe that any woman can be nice, especially after my mother paralyzed my father and walked out on her only son.
We get to the front of the building again, having walked in an entire circle. "Do you have any questions for me?" Miss. Bella asks, looking at me.
I divert her eye contact. My voice squeaks when I respond, "No, madamé."
She smiled. "Go ahead and go get yourself some lunch and find me when your done. They should have your work desk set up by then."
With a nod, I mumble a word of thanks. The woman walked away and I go over to the small break room that had a coffee machine and some bottled water. I down one of the waters and choke on the last drink, coughing some before I am able to catch my breath.
It's a very early time to be having lunch, so I am alone. I didn't bring anything to eat, so I head to the bathroom. Standing next to both of the doors, my stomach sinks. The little dress of the female looks so appealing. It always has... I'm too gentle to be the world's view of masculine.
And when I look at the males door? It only reminds me of all the suffering and pain my little boy self had to go through. Here, at work, the environment is completely different. I don't know anyone. It was different at school, everyone knew me. But here? I can finally act on the feelings that I've been containing so long.
So I step into the female bathroom. At first, no one seems to be in there. It's a relief to take a stall and sit down without anyone giving me a sideways double-take, asking themselves if this young adult is truly man or woman. It is not a question that should be asked so often. Take people as they are, it makes them happy when they feel accepted.
© ash_loner🌸
