Chapter Seven: Early Morning Encounters
Yesterday I stayed in bed. I didn’t have the motivation to even get up and eat. I decided to color in my drawing of the hill and the pond, hoping to pass the time. By the time I had finished, it was close to 8:00 pm. I decided then to shower, since my parents were undoubtedly passed out drunk by now - I hadn’t heard anything come from downstairs in about an hour or two.
So I grabbed clean clothes and showered, hoping to somehow rinse away my inner demons. The blood washed away, circling the drain before fully disappearing. My thigh stung and so did my busted lip. The pain reminds me of what is real. Eventually, I left the bathroom and slipped underneath my covers. It was only 8:30 and I wasn’t tired, but I didn’t want to be awake anymore. I had my fill that day, just wanting to start over.
Surprisingly, I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. My dreams were once again very frightening, causing me to wake up every hour of the night. I woke up with a jump drenched in sweat every time, terrified. It was as if I was in a constant state of panic, and reality had started to bleed into my dreams. After a restless night, I eventually decided to just get up at around 4:30 am. I had to go back to school today (que internal screaming) so I got all around. I wasn’t one for wearing a bunch of makeup, but I figured that since I was up literally three hours early, I might as well put some on. It is the first day back, after all.
I grabbed my makeup from my desk drawer. An old bottle of foundation, an almost empty tube of mascara, and a small tube of clear lip gloss. That’s all I had, and I didn’t really want anything else. I didn’t want to turn into one of those girls that feel the need to put on a mask everyday. I blend the foundation into my skin, and carefully put the mascara on. I finish with the lip gloss, rubbing it onto my cracked lips. While I have the makeup out, I try my best to cover the bruises. It semi - covers them, the purple - red shining through just enough to make it look like a birthmark.
Satisfied, I put everything away and made my way downstairs. It was now 5:00 am, an hour before the time I would usually wake up. I was too tired to eat, and I had lost my appetite anyways. I grabbed a plastic bag from the trash closet and threw some random food items in it. Lunch. I then sat at the dining room table, staring off into the distance - occasionally glancing back at the clock on the microwave, watching time pass ever so slowly.
“Why are you around so early?” I jumped - I thought I was the only one up.
“Couldn’t sleep.” My father walked around to the other side of the table and sat down.
“How long have you been up? We couldn’t hear you.” Am I actually having a normal conversation with him?
“Since maybe 4:30, but I kept waking up in the middle of the night. I just decided to get up, since my body wouldn’t let me sleep.” I answered. He was sipping something, but I couldn’t tell what it was.
“Did you drink a lot of water or something?”
“Nightmares.” He sipped again.
“Oh.” Was all he said. Now I could smell what he was drinking. Whiskey.
“Are you really drinking this early in the morning? Why not drink coffee or something?” I was so fed up with this.
“Who are you to judge? You make bad decisions, too, so you have no room to talk.”
“What bad decisions do I make, father? What have I done that’s so terrible?” I started to raise my voice.
“You run off with your boyfriend and don’t say anything to us. That’s only one example.”
“If you know what you’re doing is bad, then why don’t you try to stop? You could get help, you know.” It was not a good idea to try to reason with him, but I couldn’t help it.
“Does it look like I care? You wanna send me to rehab? They don’t help you, Allison. They fill your head with lies and take away the fun.” He sipped again, this time he drank more than the last.
“And you’re filling your body with poison! You’re slowly killing yourself, dad, you should care!” I burst. He stood up, slamming the bottle of whiskey on the table.
“Good! Maybe then this ‘poison’ will dissolve every memory I have left! Maybe it will make me forget about that stupid miscarriage that should’ve been you instead!” He yelled.
“Why do you want that so bad?!” I had begun to cry.
“Isn’t it obvious, Allison? I wanna forget about this - all of this! I wanna forget your mom, you, everything!” He showed no guilt. None.
“What did we do to you, dad?”
“Your mom isn’t the same anymore! She’s changed! And you. You are such a burden to this family! All you ever do is bring destruction!”
“You did this to mom! You turned her into a monster! If anyone is a burden, it’s you! You hurt me, dad! You wake up and drink. You go to bed drunk every night!”
“How dare you?” He moved closer, and I went the other way.
“You’re tearing this family apart! You and mom both!” I felt a hit on the back of my head and then the sound of shattering glass. I kept my balance enough to turn around and see my mother, holding the top of a wine bottle. The rest was broken and scattered along the floor. I could feel warm blood run down my shirt, and a massive headache coming on.
“I told you that we can argue, but we know who will win.” Was all my mother said, dropping the rest of the wine bottle on the floor.
“Can’t you see that you’re not wanted here? We drink to forget having you! And I stand by what I said - that miscarriage should’ve been you.” He picked up his bottle of whiskey and left the kitchen. My mother was still standing there when I turned around. She had the look of pure evil on her face, sending a shiver down my spine. I felt so cold, standing in a warm house. It didn’t feel like home anymore. But then again, has it ever? I looked at my mother who hadn’t moved. She then lifted her head and looked me dead in the eyes.
“Leave.”

Chapter Eight: Public Education
I left immediately. I couldn’t even cry. I had run out of tears - they had all been frozen from how cold I felt inside. I didn’t even clean myself up, I couldn’t. By the time I got on the road, it was almost 6:00 am. School started at 8:00 am, so I had some time to get cleaned up somewhere. I started driving towards the car repair shop. Maybe Levi could help me, if he was even there. I pulled in, and walked over to the door of the shop. Before I could open it, I heard a voice beside me.
“Ally? What are you doing here?”
“Hey, Levi. Um, I need your help with something.” I turned around to expose the back of my head.
“Oh my God! Ally, what happened?! Did someone do this to you?” He started panicking.
“No, no, I just fell on the way to my car.” I lied. Levi grabbed my arm gently and led me inside to the back of the building. We approached a room with a large first aid kit attached to the wall. He set me down on a chair and started cleaning the back of my head. I flinched and he apologized softly.
“You’re definitely concussed - the wound looks like you fell pretty hard. School starts back up today, right?” He stepped back.
“Yeah.”
“Okay, just take it easy then. Normally, I would tell you to not go to school, but it’s the first day back.”
“Thanks. I got to go, I don’t want to be late on the first day.” I got up, him ready to catch me if my body lost balance. Levi walked me back to my car, making sure I made it there alright.
“Have a good day, kiddo. Maybe see you later?” I nodded and thanked him again. I headed to school, mentally preparing myself for the worst. I parked in my usual spot and stayed in the car for a bit. I was not ready. Breathe, I told myself, just breathe. You’ll be okay. I eventually worked up the courage to get out, walking slowly to the entrance of Hell. I went unnoticed for a while, until a new freshman approached me.
“Um, hi. I was wondering where room B209 was?” It was a pretty redhead, obviously terrified.
“Oh, yeah. That’s Mr. Eaton’s class. I’ll walk you there.” She smiled, happy with the idea of a senior walking her to class. When we reached his classroom, a group of boys started laughing. She got noticeably nervous, and I bent down to her height, “Are they mean to you?”
“Yeah…”
“Hey, I got your back. If they hurt you - in any way - tell me. Okay?” She grinned at me and nodded, “What’s your name?”
“Connie.”
“That’s a really pretty name! I’m Allison, but you can call me Ally. Have fun in your class, but not too much fun - he’s cranky.” I said, winking at Mr. Eaton - he had heard me.
“Thanks, Ally!” Connie went into the classroom, to the opposite side of the boys’ location. I glared at the boys who had noticed me. They simply laughed it off - freshman boys were always so cocky. I made my way to my own class, dreading it the whole way there.
Overall, the day was fine until my last class. A group of girls were giggling in the corner, occasionally looking in my direction. The butt of everyone’s jokes. Haha, I’m just so funny aren’t I? I wanted to say right to their caked faces, but I didn’t. They started laughing even louder and harder, pointing at me like I was a display in a museum. I couldn’t help myself.
“What’s so funny, ladies?” I questioned. They got quiet, letting the head cake face answer me.
“Oh, nothing.”
“You don’t know?” Another one said. They all laughed in unison. There it was again. That question. Trey’s roommates had asked him the same thing. What did I not know? Why did that question keep coming up?
“What are you talking about?” I pressed.
“You’ll know soon enough.” Was all the girl said. I didn’t ask anymore questions, I decided I didn’t want to know. Finally, the last bell rang and we were released. I practically ran to my car, I felt the urge to call Trey. It rang multiple times before he picked up.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Trey.”
“Hey, babe! How are you?” Is he stupid?
“Very confused, actually. Why didn’t you answer last night? I called you like you told me to do, and you didn’t pick up.” I could feel myself getting angry.
“Oh my God! I am so sorry! I got, um, busy cleaning the dorm after you left. I totally forgot.” I could hear guilt in his voice, and it wasn’t because he didn’t answer my calls.
“I heard you on the phone after I left inviting your father over. Why would you be cleaning with your father there? And if you were cleaning, it doesn’t take two hours for that tiny dorm.” He hesitated.
“Are you accusing me of lying, Ally?”
“No, I’m just confused and you sound guilty.”
“I’m sorry. How was your day?” He quickly changed the subject.
“Fine until a group of girls started laughing at me for an unknown reason. They asked me ‘if I knew’ which is such a coincidence because your roommate asked you the same thing.” I was getting heated.
“I don’t know, babe.”
“Come to think of it, one of the girls looked strangely familiar.”
“I have no idea what they’re talking about, Al.” Trey was getting defensive. Something was up.
“I know you’re hiding something, Trey. You’ve been acting weird ever since we moved you out.”
“No, I’m not. I don’t really appreciate you accusing me of that. If you’re just going to argue with me, then hang up. I have homework to do anyways, and I’m sure you do, too.”
“Trey, please.”
“No, I don’t wanna hear it. You call me all mad, and then you get upset when I don’t want to argue.”
“No, it’s not that. I just wanted to ask you about it, I never meant to upset you. Please, just talk to me. How was your first day of college?”
“Fine.” Was his response.
“Just fine?”
“Oh, now you want to be nice?”
“Trey, I’m sorry for accusing you of lying. I just had a weird night and morning.”
“Don’t use excuses.”
“My mom hit me.” There was a pause. He didn’t answer for a few long seconds.
“Oh. Ally, I’m so sorry. When?”
“Last night, when you didn’t answer. She punched me, twice. And again, this morning. But this time, she hit me with a wine bottle on the back of my head. I questioned my dad, and he told me he didn’t want me. He told me I was the reason he was an alcoholic, Trey.” He still didn’t understand, but then I got to thinking. Did he even care?
“Are you okay? Do I need to come home tonight?”
“No, I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll come over this weekend, if I’m allowed to, that is.”
“Okay, well I have to go. I’m having some people over tonight.” Oh boy. College parties.
“Oh, cool. Who?”
“Just some old friends and some people I met here on campus.” Let’s just hope he makes good decisions…
“Alright, have fun. Sorry about earlier, by the way…”
“It’s fine.” He was being short with me.
“Bye, I love you!” But he hung up before he could hear me. What’s going on with him? His guests are probably already arriving, maybe he didn’t want to be rude. I set my phone down on the passenger seat and got ready to leave. A knock on my window prevented me from doing so, though. It was Connie, the little redheaded freshman from this morning. I rolled my window down.
“Hi, Ally. I’m so sorry for bothering you, but I was wondering if you could give me a ride home? I don’t live too far from here, but I’m too scared to walk alone…” She looked over her shoulder at the same group of boys from Mr. Eaton’s class.
“Yeah, of course, no problem. Hop in.” She made her way to the passenger side and got in, “Did they bother you today?”
“I don’t really wanna talk about it.” This poor girl. I wanted to help her.
“Hey, it’s okay. You can tell me. I understand if you don’t feel comfortable telling me, but I’m here to listen.” I offered her a smile, and she offered one back.
“They told everyone that I slept with another guy in my grade. I don’t even know the guy they are talking about either. They embarrassed me in front of the whole lunch table.” God. Freshman these days are ruthless.
“Stay here and don’t get out.” I left my car ready to chew those douchebags out. They will not treat her that way. I approached the boys, and they scoffed.
“What are you doing, loser?”
“Loser? Is that the best you’ve got?” They were taken aback by my response, “Listen here, freshies. You don’t treat people like that. I don’t know where you learned that bullying was cool and added to your social status, but it doesn’t.”
“And what are you gonna do about it?”
“Sleeping with someone is a two way rumor, boys. You know what she could do with that information? Completely manipulate it to her benefit, and make all of you look stupid. Do you want me to put that idea in her head?” They were confused and very nervous - no one had confronted them like that before, let alone challenged them.
“No.”
“Exactly. You mess with her again, or anyone for that matter, it will be you getting embarrassed in the cafeteria. What goes around, comes back around, freshies.”
“We didn’t mean to hurt her.”
“You all don’t at first, that’s what always happens. You guys are 14. Enjoy your high school experience before it’s gone - don’t spend it bullying people. You could be going through something, but don’t ever take it out on others. It hurts more than you know.” The boys looked extremely guilty, finally understanding what they have done, “I want you, all of you, to apologize to Connie right now. Understand?” They all nodded and I led them to my car. I motioned for Connie to exit, and she hesitated at first. Eventually she did get out, standing close to me, “Boys?”
“We’re really sorry, Connie. We didn’t realize that it could affect someone so bad. Can you forgive us?” They sounded cocky, but maybe that was just their voice.
“I don’t know. ‘Sorry’ doesn’t always make things better. It’s fine, but please don’t bother me anymore. I just wanna survive high school.” She reminded me a lot of myself. I wish I had a senior at her age to stand up for me. I was just a scared, little 14 year old. Trey was the only one there for me, but people didn’t always take him seriously.
“We get it. Bye, Connie.” The head douche offered her a slight smile, and nodded to me. No one else did the same. It was obvious that he liked her, and making fun of her was supposed to be a sign. But verbal abuse is not the way to a girl’s heart, and society should not normalize this as ‘love’. My view on high school changed that day.
It seemed more like public humiliation than public education.

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