Dear JM,

The day I heard you died, I took comfort in denying the truth in my mind. Even how many posts I came across saying you passed away, and even though I started crying, I kept on convincing myself you were still alive. I didn't make sense; I know. How could I grieve you, and still insist you were alive? 

I know death is natural, but it’s also cruel. For its tragic consequences will always remain in the hearts of those who are left behind. This time, as I write this letter you can no longer read, I took comfort not in lying to myself, but in remembering and honoring your memories.

I meet you because of my love in the study of politics, and my dream of someday becoming a lawyer. Despite your illness, I saw how you tried your best to navigate the ups and downs of being a political science student. You came prepared in our classes during all those nerve-wracking oral recitations we have, and you always bring a thick printed reviewers with notes and highlights in preparation for our exams in law related major.

I still remember the first time we have a group review as preparation for our exam, there was an earthquake. It was also the first time when we saw each other face to face due to our classes being held online. I was so amazed when I first saw you because you’re not only beautiful, but you are also one of the kindest people I ever interacted with. You know what’s weird? The day you died, there was also an earthquake. In my poetic mind, it seems the day you entered my life and the day you left this world will always be associated with a natural disaster I feared the most. 

I know when I'll graduate next year, there will always be a part of me who will remain lonely. For you’re no longer with us at the end of the path we both started. To be honest, I still grieve about the future you could have if only you’re still here. I still find myself teary eyed when I saw something that reminds me of you. I still pause whatever I'm doing when the painful realization I'll never see you again replays in my mind. I still ask why does it have to be you...

Despite this, I am so thankful that even for a while; I meet a beautiful soul like you. A genuine and caring friend who always wears kindness no matter how unkind life to you. I will always treasure the memories we have. From our random topics while waiting for our professor, to our debates and discussions during reviews, and our deep talks about our plans and dreams.

You might no longer be in our life, but you are forever in our hearts, our brave angel.

© ashamelessintrovert