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My Only Hope
I feel much loved. I’m hopeful towards life and everything it has to offer. All thanks to Hope, my dear dog. I got her last winter, just a few days before Christmas Eve. I was an entirely different person back then. Depressed, despondent and distant - Three D’s that best described me. I wrote a ton of articles for the town’s local magazine, and that got me just enough bucks to move into a house of my own. My lifestyle never changed though; I lived off of eating pills and drinking booze. Everything seemed bleak and pointless. My heart and mind were in a dark place. I could never understand why I was even born, why did my parents die as soon as I came into this world. Was I a curse to all those around me? I always kept to myself, and these dark thoughts consumed me over time. There seemed no escape from the prison of my mind.
One typical day, these dark thoughts resurfaced for no real reason. That’s the trouble with being depressed; there’s no beginning and end to this horrid sickness. I knew my mind was in a bad place and I felt terrible, so I put on my sweater and rushed outside. I had no idea where I was headed to. I went to a cafe nearby and stayed there for two hours straight! I ordered a coffee and a cheese sandwich. The coffee was ice-cold when I left the cafe. I still remember munching on a bit of that stale sandwich when I reached the public park. It was awful! A mongrel there caught my eye in particular. It was so thin. It kept after almost everyone. I was overwhelmed with pity for the frail creature. I looked at my half-eaten sandwich briefly before leaving it beside the frozen fountain. I didn’t feel like staying there anymore. I turned back to head home. I didn’t notice that the dog was following me till I reached the front door of my house. Before I knew it, I was sharing my home space with Snowy.
I named the dog Snowy because she was white as snow. She could easily blend in the background during wintertime. I enjoyed living with her. My dark thoughts fled my mind for a while. I was happy, but also a little upset with Snowy. She would often sneak out of the house in the dead of night; even during the day for long gaps of time. Her absence really messed me up. I relied on her for emotional support, and when she left, my dark thoughts would rise outta nowhere. I once locked the front door in anger. I really wish I hadn’t done that. I deeply regret it to this day. She came back a few minutes later and lingered outside the house for hours together. How could I be so heartless. When I checked outside in the evening, she wasn’t there. Guilt flooded my chest. There was a raging snowstorm outside when I went in search of her. Folks were advised to stay indoors for the night, but I didn’t mind shuffling through a million blizzards for Snowy. I needed to make this right. I listened to the voice of my gut and ran towards the public park.
She was there as expected, gazing upwards. I was astounded to see a litter of puppies lying next to her. There were all stiff and cold……. There were no signs of life in their eyes. Snowy howled unto the sky and darted into the street. A truck ran over her. I froze in horror at the gruesome sight. My vision blurred as I held her in my arms and sped towards the nearest hospital. My head was throbbing and my ears were ringing with sharp bellows of the icy gale. I broke down in tears when the doctor told me she wouldn’t make it. They needed my approval for her eternal rest. They convinced me that I wouldn’t want her to suffer any more than she already had. I just nodded mindlessly. My mind was completely blank. It didn’t matter anymore. She wouldn’t survive either way. The doors shut on me. I didn’t wait to see her in her lifeless form. I rushed home and collapsed on the couch, wailing endlessly. I wanted to put an end to this perpetual pain. I had no will to see another day. I couldn’t live with myself.
Just then I heard a creature whining outside. That piercing sound was simply unbearable! I thought I was completely losing my mind. The dogs were going to haunt me for eternity. The guilt, an ever-present ugly scar in my heart. The sound was getting louder by the second. I dashed outside, teeth chattering, cheeks stinging and nostrils sore from the biting cold. I followed the trail of sound. It seemed to be coming from a bush nearby. I was totally not prepared for what I was about to see: a puppy that looked like a miniature of Snowy. She was shuddering in my arms and she yelped with her eyes closed. She was clothed in snow. I, at once, hurried inside and shut the front door. I sat by the hearth and rubbed her tiny paws repeatedly. I fed her some warm milk and slowly dozed off to sleep on the sofa with her head resting on my chest. When I woke up in the morning, I felt a strong sense of purpose to care for the puppy. I needed to make her mama happy, and I will do so through her babe.
This was my one chance at a fresh start and I knew I had to make something of it. She birthed hope in me that night, and hence the name. Hope lacked in me my entire life, and now it has been gifted to me. It lives with me; it lives within me. Hope’s a year old now and I, nineteen. She’s still as adorable as the first time I laid eyes on her. I’m doing very well for myself now; the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been. No time’s better than the present.
© All Rights Reserved
One typical day, these dark thoughts resurfaced for no real reason. That’s the trouble with being depressed; there’s no beginning and end to this horrid sickness. I knew my mind was in a bad place and I felt terrible, so I put on my sweater and rushed outside. I had no idea where I was headed to. I went to a cafe nearby and stayed there for two hours straight! I ordered a coffee and a cheese sandwich. The coffee was ice-cold when I left the cafe. I still remember munching on a bit of that stale sandwich when I reached the public park. It was awful! A mongrel there caught my eye in particular. It was so thin. It kept after almost everyone. I was overwhelmed with pity for the frail creature. I looked at my half-eaten sandwich briefly before leaving it beside the frozen fountain. I didn’t feel like staying there anymore. I turned back to head home. I didn’t notice that the dog was following me till I reached the front door of my house. Before I knew it, I was sharing my home space with Snowy.
I named the dog Snowy because she was white as snow. She could easily blend in the background during wintertime. I enjoyed living with her. My dark thoughts fled my mind for a while. I was happy, but also a little upset with Snowy. She would often sneak out of the house in the dead of night; even during the day for long gaps of time. Her absence really messed me up. I relied on her for emotional support, and when she left, my dark thoughts would rise outta nowhere. I once locked the front door in anger. I really wish I hadn’t done that. I deeply regret it to this day. She came back a few minutes later and lingered outside the house for hours together. How could I be so heartless. When I checked outside in the evening, she wasn’t there. Guilt flooded my chest. There was a raging snowstorm outside when I went in search of her. Folks were advised to stay indoors for the night, but I didn’t mind shuffling through a million blizzards for Snowy. I needed to make this right. I listened to the voice of my gut and ran towards the public park.
She was there as expected, gazing upwards. I was astounded to see a litter of puppies lying next to her. There were all stiff and cold……. There were no signs of life in their eyes. Snowy howled unto the sky and darted into the street. A truck ran over her. I froze in horror at the gruesome sight. My vision blurred as I held her in my arms and sped towards the nearest hospital. My head was throbbing and my ears were ringing with sharp bellows of the icy gale. I broke down in tears when the doctor told me she wouldn’t make it. They needed my approval for her eternal rest. They convinced me that I wouldn’t want her to suffer any more than she already had. I just nodded mindlessly. My mind was completely blank. It didn’t matter anymore. She wouldn’t survive either way. The doors shut on me. I didn’t wait to see her in her lifeless form. I rushed home and collapsed on the couch, wailing endlessly. I wanted to put an end to this perpetual pain. I had no will to see another day. I couldn’t live with myself.
Just then I heard a creature whining outside. That piercing sound was simply unbearable! I thought I was completely losing my mind. The dogs were going to haunt me for eternity. The guilt, an ever-present ugly scar in my heart. The sound was getting louder by the second. I dashed outside, teeth chattering, cheeks stinging and nostrils sore from the biting cold. I followed the trail of sound. It seemed to be coming from a bush nearby. I was totally not prepared for what I was about to see: a puppy that looked like a miniature of Snowy. She was shuddering in my arms and she yelped with her eyes closed. She was clothed in snow. I, at once, hurried inside and shut the front door. I sat by the hearth and rubbed her tiny paws repeatedly. I fed her some warm milk and slowly dozed off to sleep on the sofa with her head resting on my chest. When I woke up in the morning, I felt a strong sense of purpose to care for the puppy. I needed to make her mama happy, and I will do so through her babe.
This was my one chance at a fresh start and I knew I had to make something of it. She birthed hope in me that night, and hence the name. Hope lacked in me my entire life, and now it has been gifted to me. It lives with me; it lives within me. Hope’s a year old now and I, nineteen. She’s still as adorable as the first time I laid eyes on her. I’m doing very well for myself now; the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been. No time’s better than the present.
© All Rights Reserved
