i wanted to be someone special in your life.
yet, i can't be that person.
because it wasn't me that you wanted.

i thought our thoughts, were in sync.
i thought we were good.
but no. someone else existed who was way better.

so i felt for a while that i wasn't enough.
i was so desperate for you to notice me, but even when i was right in front of you... you weren't there at all.

it was more painful to see that even if we were right at that moment, that we could have had our own moments, you never saw it that way.

how could i not be enough when all i really wanted was to learn how i should treat you?

i wanted to know because i knew you deserve better. i wanted to learn how to genuinely love you.

i genuinely cared. but the longer i cared, the longer i was hurting myself.

even if i wanted to protect the connection that i thought we had at the start... you suddenly changed.

you stepped back. it hurts so bad that i regret every moment that i didnt speak up.

and when the time came that i did. you thought i was just crazy. i felt so ashamed, and empty.

all i ever wanted was for you to stay. not realising i was already chasing, and begging you.

it hurts so bad, that i desperately wanted you to understand me, because i wanted you to change your mind. that i wasnt just a friend.

yet. i am even barely a friend. we are back to being strangers again.

the trust that i gave, the feelings that i have for you, i know you dont deserve them but here i am, still wishing you well.

you have ignored it, pushed it away, and now here i am blaming myself for not being enough. when it should have been "you are the one who isn't enough"

i stopped. and now i know it is a relief for you that i did. but i'll never forget this. because you were the last risk that i took after a long time that i have stopped believing in people.

you will never understand ,

because it isnt me that you want to understand.


but someone else.