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Insecurities
September 21st
I just wiped my tears, Last burst of today's tears I guess. blew the nose clean washed my face and went to bed as it was already a new day but night which was meant to sleep.
that simple thing gave me such a trauma and now was the turn to overthink. i forgot when I spent the last night without overthinking it was almost a part of my routine now.
what would happen if I have similar fate, to those whom I've read...
( the person here just read a traumatic story and was crying bucket loads of tears out )
what if the person I love the most get's a true trauma after I maybe become disloyal or die?
am I not so fragile that I cry upon things that never happened? just thinking, reading and imagining it all makes me cry till I get a headache. I can't manage to move next day due to unusual sickness and ache in all my body,just as if I drained my energy and happiness. I let the external factors affect me more than anyone I know. nobody would cry to sickness on death of a fictional character...
I did!
how will I feel if I break someone's heart, make them sad or even cry irl? I would go to a permanent mental trauma after hurting someone, so I guess keeping myself away from people, and being busy with my hobbies work and dreams is the only way I can avoid any kind or regrets and trauma.
I couldn't imagine the harshness and pain if I would knowingly or unknowingly hurt a soul that maybe loves me to the extent I can never accept!
but what if I could just keep it happy?
a happy ending?
I would give all my efforts to keep the person happy, to make them it was the best decision to chose me as a soulmate, as a person to rely upon and to grow old with.
But, what if?
what if the person can't live upto my expectations?
maybe I'll look horrible or may not be compatible with them and might be useless?
if the person they'll leave me! what will I do my heart is way too fragile for breaking a heart or bearing a heartbreak what will I do?
the questions, the WHAT IF , it haunts me and makes me feel more firm about the decision that I must stay away from humans because when they change I really get sad .
if I'll try my best to stay away from them and preventing anyone to enter my happy lil world, I might stay happy.
but if, someone crashes in , with an accident n becomes a part of my heart which can't be detached or given away. it would be fairly possible that I wouldn't be able to live upto my promise to myself.
just thinking about it ,it won't help.
if a person is meant to come and join my lil fairy tale of a universe I can't control fate. I can only welcome them and try my best to not hurt them or myself in any way. yes. now I think my heart might beat at a normal pace I bet only selftalk is enough to give me heart attack. let's get some sleep and wake up to a beautiful day.
(authors' note:this was probably all true I can be a crybaby when I read sad stories if it's too good! nobody teases me 🤧kinda scared of love always)
© drunk soul
I just wiped my tears, Last burst of today's tears I guess. blew the nose clean washed my face and went to bed as it was already a new day but night which was meant to sleep.
that simple thing gave me such a trauma and now was the turn to overthink. i forgot when I spent the last night without overthinking it was almost a part of my routine now.
what would happen if I have similar fate, to those whom I've read...
( the person here just read a traumatic story and was crying bucket loads of tears out )
what if the person I love the most get's a true trauma after I maybe become disloyal or die?
am I not so fragile that I cry upon things that never happened? just thinking, reading and imagining it all makes me cry till I get a headache. I can't manage to move next day due to unusual sickness and ache in all my body,just as if I drained my energy and happiness. I let the external factors affect me more than anyone I know. nobody would cry to sickness on death of a fictional character...
I did!
how will I feel if I break someone's heart, make them sad or even cry irl? I would go to a permanent mental trauma after hurting someone, so I guess keeping myself away from people, and being busy with my hobbies work and dreams is the only way I can avoid any kind or regrets and trauma.
I couldn't imagine the harshness and pain if I would knowingly or unknowingly hurt a soul that maybe loves me to the extent I can never accept!
but what if I could just keep it happy?
a happy ending?
I would give all my efforts to keep the person happy, to make them it was the best decision to chose me as a soulmate, as a person to rely upon and to grow old with.
But, what if?
what if the person can't live upto my expectations?
maybe I'll look horrible or may not be compatible with them and might be useless?
if the person they'll leave me! what will I do my heart is way too fragile for breaking a heart or bearing a heartbreak what will I do?
the questions, the WHAT IF , it haunts me and makes me feel more firm about the decision that I must stay away from humans because when they change I really get sad .
if I'll try my best to stay away from them and preventing anyone to enter my happy lil world, I might stay happy.
but if, someone crashes in , with an accident n becomes a part of my heart which can't be detached or given away. it would be fairly possible that I wouldn't be able to live upto my promise to myself.
just thinking about it ,it won't help.
if a person is meant to come and join my lil fairy tale of a universe I can't control fate. I can only welcome them and try my best to not hurt them or myself in any way. yes. now I think my heart might beat at a normal pace I bet only selftalk is enough to give me heart attack. let's get some sleep and wake up to a beautiful day.
(authors' note:this was probably all true I can be a crybaby when I read sad stories if it's too good! nobody teases me 🤧kinda scared of love always)
© drunk soul
