I wonder what it would be like to wake up and not be sad, I wonder what it's like to wake up and not battle, I wonder what it's like to have so much U actually can't think of anything you need , I wonder what it's like being so self absorbed U forget others exist, i wonder about death and if U stay the same age or continue to grow, I wonder if my brother in law would come back if he had the chance to do it again, I wonder why the meanest people seem to have it all in life and the ones that give so much to help others are the ones still left struggling and gone unnoticed, I wonder how ppl sleep at night if they had just done some stupid shit out of anger, I wonder how I am going to survive this life cycle ,I don't trust anyone but I so badly want to, I want to believe everyone won't just up and leave, but it seems the trick is actually getting someone to mean it when they say I won't leave u , I am a difficult person, I used to know who I was then I fell through a roof and landed myself in a coma where I had fractured my skull and found myself battling to do things I once did with ease, not being able to crank my music loud cos it pounded right hrough my head, the free head spins I couldn't move without my head going wild , I find myself easily angered easily triggered, easily overwhelmed, if anyone wanted to find me it wouldn't be hard since anxiety has kicked my butt now i am worried, scared, alone but surrounded by love , i wonder if I am ever going to be the Girl I was before , before I didn't look where I was going , tripped and fell through a roof landed on my head, everyone thought I was dead, put everyone I love thru a traumatic event it's ok for me I can't remember a thing but the man I argue with every day now, is the man that was holding me down telling me to keep still while I was bleeding out of my ear, he says it's fine I know that a lie I can't remember any of it he remembers it all like I remember right up until the fall the roof cracked I thought U stupid bitch and then my body went into stealth mode it shut down and protected me from any hurt and any injury also any memory of it ever happening, I'd really like to endure that tho I'd really like to know what it's like to actually let go, I dont think U know what happened once ur gone ur gone U don't feel pain there is no misery just U alone in the dead ass cemetary
© sandiiRsalt