one night he decided that if I was going to leave him I was going to have sex with him keep in my that early in my life I've been raped by a friend of our family at least I thought when I was a little girl so that weigh heavily on my mind and he knew because I had told him about it a big mistake. he tore my clothes off and proceeded to do what he wanted it was like I was being raped all over again but this time it was different this time it was my husband the man I loved. that was the man I married for better and for worst who was supposed to protect me from these kind of things. but when that happen he was just like the rest. well ladies when they start to abuse you it's not going to stop it get worse. they lie and say I'm sorry it won't happen again another lie he started cheating and he go out and stay out at night until about two or three in the morning I'm with my cousin he say and when he finally come home and because I wouldn't get up and open the door he would throw an axe handle through the glass door and come and wake me up and said you going to talk to me. he would threaten me and tell me he cut me up in little pieces so that nobody be able to identify me. he choked me with phones cords. the last straw was one night he came home and jumped on me in front of our children'. even though they were small they tried to make him stop hitting me and kicking me he slapped them down and pushed them against the wall and he dragged me out in the rain by one of my legs and one of our babies ask him daddy why you do mama like that and she ask mama why daddy do that to you. one of our baby girl which was Erica webt to get the rubbing alcohol to rub on my side's and she cried and said mama I going to take care of you. I looked at her and said I know baby but this is it you never have to go through this or see me go through this again. so I went again to press charges and have him arrested but of course the system failed me again.like I said earlier they always want to be in control only if you allow them they will but it doesn't work that way. if a man loves you he want put his hands on you. thats not love sweetheart growing up as a child thats how my mom got taken away from us and it was no way I was going to allow my babies to have the same faith. so we have choices in life to stand up and take our life back and go and live life and raise our children's. I devorce him and worked and took care of my babies. as time went on I devoted my life back to Christ and I met this young man and fell in love with him because he loved my babies and helped ne to raise my babies as if he were their father and he was there no matter what the need were he never said no. I worked hard and he worked hard and we moved out of the apartment after a year and got our own place in the country. the babies were very small and we sent them to school and they grew up in church and we talked to them a lot about God. one thing I know is I loved this man and I knew how it felt to be loved all over again. I would have turned this world upside down for him if I could. but I had to think about what God tells us love no one more than you love me which I didn't think I did but like he says put your trust in no man other than me because a man will betray you. well I did trust this man with all my heart Lord I was a fool. God had to show me trust and believe me he showed me once again. I married this man and made these vows before God to love him for better and for worst well it got worse it was like my heart being ripped out all over again. one thing I never understand about a man is that he thinks when it comes to a women they can do what ever they want to do not true they don't consider the other person the one there beside them. so it goes back to the saying hell is never full and a man's eyes are never satisfied. so women you can do all you can as a spouse or wife it never enough. they will still cheat a women is a man weakness they have no control over their bottom half one a cheater unless they are willing to change their life for the Lord it want stop. God is the only way and both of yall have to be rooted in Christ Jesus. so I learned to live my life for God and allow him to lead and guide me in every area of my life .