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MY MUSE...💖💘
MY MUSE...
I'm still trying to find closure. I want to run, far away from all the hurt. I gave too much, gave my all and now i'm paying...painfully.
The pain is gruesome, unending it seems. My muse, i said...i thought, my inspiration, my support system, how mistaken i was.
I could spend the whole day talking to you, watching you do all that you loved to do, and still be happy. I enjoyed to give you all the time you wanted and needed in the world, i was going to wait...wait? Yes, wait you said, give me time, i'd be confused handling my relationship with you and what i have with her, u said. I hoped, i would be a priority to you, to your heart.
Your voice is a soothing balm to my soul. You are much more than you know...my MUSE. So finally, you remember, that call, the silence broken, the pain swept away by a mere call? How? This is much more intense than i thought and hoped for.
My muse, i said? How possible is that? My hopes and expectations maybe but, NO...not sure, how can one feel so much pain and hurt, and still want to draw strength and inspiration from the same one that has caused you so much hurt? It's beyond bearable.
I want to fall in love all over again(laughing aloud), she must be crazy, i'm thinking, really? Fall in love again? What does that even mean? Does anyone have an idea? Ideas? Anyone? Please? She obviously needs help, she truly needs help, thinking about the word LOVE💖...what's that?
The heart, they say is not so smart...now i understand what that means, now i'm beginning to feel what the writer of those words felt when it was written. The writer goes on to say, the heart goes where it should not go, totally, absolutely agree. God😇💫, i need help now, my heart is going crazy, it's difficult to take breaths, please someone, Anyone, help, please.
There! Right in front of me, all my suspicions, staring me in the face, taunting me. Torment, torrents, inexplicable rage, how can i control this immense anger, deep, seethed pain? I tried to look away, to think about the deep love i feel for you, i hoped the love would ease the pain, outweigh the hurt, but it cuts deep, deeper into the wounds that had ripped my heart a few days before.
I'm guessing this is it, this is the time. I obviously didn't realise what it had been all along, guess i would never.
I guess it's time now, time to walk away, time to stop this pain right before you...yes, that's what i should do, WALK 🚶♀️🚶♀️AWAY...
But, life says, "he who fights and runs away, will live to fight another day". No, no more fights, i'm not running, i am walking away. Away from you, the pain💔, the hurt, there won't be another day for a fight. I have stopped fighting, i have stopped hoping in this thing i thought was LOVE in it's truest, genuine form. Love so pure and untainted, that was what i wished and hoped for, the one, you said, you would do your best to give...you promised.
I'm here in your house and What? Her presence littered all around the house, couldn't you have tried to shield it a little? For my heart's sakes? For the mere fact that you know that my tears would flow so easily? Couldn't you build a shield for my heart, for the promise you made to me of not going to hurt me, could you not just protect me?
What did i ever do to deserve this treatment, this much hurt? What? What was my crime, my sin, what did i do?
My innocence, violated...my love, raped.
I look in your eyes and in a split second, i realise i can actually do this. I realise you handed back the powers, the power to let you go, the powers to be able to walk away. I was so calm, i felt sudden relief. Relieved of the torture, the hurt, that deep seethed pain. A smile breaks out, as though knowing...one look at you and i realise it's all gone, gone, truly gone.
I realised earlier in the day whilst talking to you that you had made a choice,and your choice was to be with her, but in a funny way, i was relieved, don't know why, can't even explain it to myself but i gave a sigh of relief...Wow! Strange but true.
Somehow in my subconscious, i guess i was happy with your decision, most probably.
ANNETTE DAVID-WEST
©️2021
© All Rights Reserved
I'm still trying to find closure. I want to run, far away from all the hurt. I gave too much, gave my all and now i'm paying...painfully.
The pain is gruesome, unending it seems. My muse, i said...i thought, my inspiration, my support system, how mistaken i was.
I could spend the whole day talking to you, watching you do all that you loved to do, and still be happy. I enjoyed to give you all the time you wanted and needed in the world, i was going to wait...wait? Yes, wait you said, give me time, i'd be confused handling my relationship with you and what i have with her, u said. I hoped, i would be a priority to you, to your heart.
Your voice is a soothing balm to my soul. You are much more than you know...my MUSE. So finally, you remember, that call, the silence broken, the pain swept away by a mere call? How? This is much more intense than i thought and hoped for.
My muse, i said? How possible is that? My hopes and expectations maybe but, NO...not sure, how can one feel so much pain and hurt, and still want to draw strength and inspiration from the same one that has caused you so much hurt? It's beyond bearable.
I want to fall in love all over again(laughing aloud), she must be crazy, i'm thinking, really? Fall in love again? What does that even mean? Does anyone have an idea? Ideas? Anyone? Please? She obviously needs help, she truly needs help, thinking about the word LOVE💖...what's that?
The heart, they say is not so smart...now i understand what that means, now i'm beginning to feel what the writer of those words felt when it was written. The writer goes on to say, the heart goes where it should not go, totally, absolutely agree. God😇💫, i need help now, my heart is going crazy, it's difficult to take breaths, please someone, Anyone, help, please.
There! Right in front of me, all my suspicions, staring me in the face, taunting me. Torment, torrents, inexplicable rage, how can i control this immense anger, deep, seethed pain? I tried to look away, to think about the deep love i feel for you, i hoped the love would ease the pain, outweigh the hurt, but it cuts deep, deeper into the wounds that had ripped my heart a few days before.
I'm guessing this is it, this is the time. I obviously didn't realise what it had been all along, guess i would never.
I guess it's time now, time to walk away, time to stop this pain right before you...yes, that's what i should do, WALK 🚶♀️🚶♀️AWAY...
But, life says, "he who fights and runs away, will live to fight another day". No, no more fights, i'm not running, i am walking away. Away from you, the pain💔, the hurt, there won't be another day for a fight. I have stopped fighting, i have stopped hoping in this thing i thought was LOVE in it's truest, genuine form. Love so pure and untainted, that was what i wished and hoped for, the one, you said, you would do your best to give...you promised.
I'm here in your house and What? Her presence littered all around the house, couldn't you have tried to shield it a little? For my heart's sakes? For the mere fact that you know that my tears would flow so easily? Couldn't you build a shield for my heart, for the promise you made to me of not going to hurt me, could you not just protect me?
What did i ever do to deserve this treatment, this much hurt? What? What was my crime, my sin, what did i do?
My innocence, violated...my love, raped.
I look in your eyes and in a split second, i realise i can actually do this. I realise you handed back the powers, the power to let you go, the powers to be able to walk away. I was so calm, i felt sudden relief. Relieved of the torture, the hurt, that deep seethed pain. A smile breaks out, as though knowing...one look at you and i realise it's all gone, gone, truly gone.
I realised earlier in the day whilst talking to you that you had made a choice,and your choice was to be with her, but in a funny way, i was relieved, don't know why, can't even explain it to myself but i gave a sigh of relief...Wow! Strange but true.
Somehow in my subconscious, i guess i was happy with your decision, most probably.
ANNETTE DAVID-WEST
©️2021
© All Rights Reserved
