I won't say that I was tired and worn out by the dint of my morose life. I won't call it exactly morose as it had been earlier, but, my life was lacking happiness. Nothing thrilled me anymore; all I did was breathe. In a nutshell, I was inured to pain and disappointments. I accepted everything that was served on my plate, although, reluctantly, because showing dismay has always been futile. On certain days I wished to live life a little differently from an everyday while, other days I struggled to get off my bed. The days were tedious and nights were emotional, however, most of the time I pretended to be heartbroken because that might add a modicum of essence to my dumb crappy life. Sometimes I drove back to my past and sometimes past drove towards me until you happened to throw your first gaze on me.
In all honesty, I got cold feet when we had our first eye contact. You looked so much similar to my awful past. I was crying underneath and so badly want to unlearn you, whereas, on the other hand, I am dying to dive deep into your beautiful heart. I am scared but I know I am safe. Your eyes are the most lovely thing about you, do you know that? Cause they imply peace and love nonetheless, I find them dangerous too, because your gaze has always been incredibly deep, as if I'm the book your eyes are reading. I never knew what is so esoteric about you. And why does my heart choose to follow you? Why do I keep repeating the same mantra again and again, 'when the right person walks around, your mind and heart tends to forget the deepest scars' despite you and I uttering a single word in front of each other? I'm unsure whether or not you're the right person, but I'm sure you are here for a purpose. I often cut down our stare even though I wish to get drowned in your ocean eyes. The plain, rustic charm with you enamored my soul; so new, so refreshing. You introduced me to an experience that is so unprecedented to me; I couldn't wrap my brain around it, but my heart feels good. How could it take decades for me just to get lost in a second!
I loved you before knowing you.
© shaheen