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The Evil in Kansas
Part 4:1 NOTE:
I've only ever had one single person give me a hard time about what I just wrote and the event you just read about. Most folks have been very understanding, or at least non-judgemental about this particular incident. When I originally wrote this story, and before it was published as my first book, I'd had to take a break of about two weeks after writing of this.. I still feel so much guilt, and horror at what I did to my son that day over 18 years ago... But other things started to occur about this time , during my hashing it all up and putting it on digital paper.
I was almost hit by a truck , while in a crosswalk, that had been hit by a red light runner. I began to have trouble sleeping, (I've suffered from sleep paralysis since 2007, when we moved back to Arizona), nightmares and sleep paralysis. My body constantly aches, and I began to notice bruises appearing on my body, without any reason, injury, or in places I hadn't nor had anyone else hit hard enough to cause bruising..
But I had to finish it..
*****
Part 4:2 NOTE
Unfortunately, and with my apologies, I have to stop at this time. hopefully after reading what you just read you'll understand as to why. I've had to rewrite it and edit it to twice now and I cannot write anymore at this moment. I will however continue it at a later date not too much later, maybe a week or so, but right now I have to take a break. reliving this memory has been extremely painful and admitting to more than those who know, my children myself and my children's father and my ex of course, are the only ones that have known up until this point. I hope that you can take what you've read with a bit of understanding as things only continue to get worse from this point.
I fully take responsibility for what happened. there's no excuse on my part for what I did at least in my mind. demons or no, there's no excuse for hitting or striking someone that you love the way! What I had done to my son to this day I am horrified and ashamed of myself. I'm not sure that Ian ever truly forgave me for that, although then he said he did. I know I have never forgiven myself..
***
PART 4
I never bothered with a glass. Ijust opened the bottle, and swallowed three long pulled shots that had already began to not burn when I drank.
I was exhausted. I was to have had the day off, but as usual, I was covering another two coworkers shifts for lunch, and dinner. The first was probably the most menial in the restaurant, but the most important. Dishwashing. I didn't mind...
I've only ever had one single person give me a hard time about what I just wrote and the event you just read about. Most folks have been very understanding, or at least non-judgemental about this particular incident. When I originally wrote this story, and before it was published as my first book, I'd had to take a break of about two weeks after writing of this.. I still feel so much guilt, and horror at what I did to my son that day over 18 years ago... But other things started to occur about this time , during my hashing it all up and putting it on digital paper.
I was almost hit by a truck , while in a crosswalk, that had been hit by a red light runner. I began to have trouble sleeping, (I've suffered from sleep paralysis since 2007, when we moved back to Arizona), nightmares and sleep paralysis. My body constantly aches, and I began to notice bruises appearing on my body, without any reason, injury, or in places I hadn't nor had anyone else hit hard enough to cause bruising..
But I had to finish it..
*****
Part 4:2 NOTE
Unfortunately, and with my apologies, I have to stop at this time. hopefully after reading what you just read you'll understand as to why. I've had to rewrite it and edit it to twice now and I cannot write anymore at this moment. I will however continue it at a later date not too much later, maybe a week or so, but right now I have to take a break. reliving this memory has been extremely painful and admitting to more than those who know, my children myself and my children's father and my ex of course, are the only ones that have known up until this point. I hope that you can take what you've read with a bit of understanding as things only continue to get worse from this point.
I fully take responsibility for what happened. there's no excuse on my part for what I did at least in my mind. demons or no, there's no excuse for hitting or striking someone that you love the way! What I had done to my son to this day I am horrified and ashamed of myself. I'm not sure that Ian ever truly forgave me for that, although then he said he did. I know I have never forgiven myself..
***
PART 4
I never bothered with a glass. Ijust opened the bottle, and swallowed three long pulled shots that had already began to not burn when I drank.
I was exhausted. I was to have had the day off, but as usual, I was covering another two coworkers shifts for lunch, and dinner. The first was probably the most menial in the restaurant, but the most important. Dishwashing. I didn't mind...
