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English Project: pt 1 Year by year.
9th grade: I didn't really spend much time with people, maybe the occasional art persons in my first art class... I was a shy person, trying to fit into a new school, half way through the year. I had several breakdowns, one in being that I had been walking up a certain set of steps to get to my sixth period class and started having a panic attack. I ended up having an accident because I couldn't ask the teacher if I could go to the bathroom, which made me unable to stand up. I remember mom having to come and pick me up, the week I wasn't at school afterwards, how scary it was to be dragged into the counselors office to be talked to about not attending. I had been taking art one, biology, health, Algebra one, English one, the first history class, and P.E.. P.E. was somewhat fun, even for a non athletic person like myself. We weren't really pushed to do anything beside walk, which saved me from being made to look or feel like a fool for not being able to just run like no ones business. One last thing I'll touch on is a 'Motto' I've been working on. "Fallen doesn't always mean sent to Hell." I have had this since I was young. It had not changed yet, by my freshmen year.
10th grade: I took Photojournalism, speech, started out as a diver, but moved from that, German one, Geometry, Chemistry, world history, English two, and Art two sculpture. I didn't hang with anyone really, but I also wasn't eating alone or in the cafe anymore. I ate upstairs in the library hung out a little with Conner, though I don't really remember how he and I met anymore. I believe it was happenstance. I had been there one day when he was helping out with the school play, and then he picked me out from a crowd. He and I argued a lot, him being a main reason for a few breakdowns and once being yelled at by a librarian for being so into an argument about something that I had started yelling while we ate lunch. I think he challenged me though. I think that I challenged him too though, which is why we still sometimes talk, two years after he left here. Ah, speech. That was a semester of... There was a ton of growth. There was being able to talk in front of a crowd of people... There was presenting a speech on the struggles of people and how you should smile at everyone... There was the beginning when Mr. Cohn had to ask me three times to repeat myself if I was asking to use the bathroom because I just couldn't get myself to speak up... I remember the first time that I tried to speak in front of the class, I almost started crying. The.. growth from that to where I am now... It's tremendous.
11th grade: I had Physics, English 3, Math models, US history, AP 3D art 3, Jewelry (independent study really), German 2. I reverted back to being an introvert this year, and while I had my first job this year too, I was in no mood for people, preferring to hide next to my fifth period English class as I ate lunch to having to deal with the pressures of talking to people during lunch. I had a few visitors, but not many. This year brought friends and enemies, brought along choices to talk or let someone defend me. My art was criticized, my emotions were skewed, I had a lot of learning. It was about this year that I started realizing that "Fallen never meant sent to Hell." Just because I had such bad anxiety, such bad depression doesn't-didn't mean that I had to give into them. I didn't have to be in such pain. The getting away from people eating helped that. It helped the hopeless feeling that seemed like was trapping me, and let me bloom into a person that said, "My concentration is going to be about depression," and letting myself get through it in a way I could understand. I worked, I worked hard, and even if it didn't fix the problem, I was okay again.
12th grade: This grade. I have Point, art four, English four, Government first semester, Economics second semester, Algebra two, Forensic Science, and an independent art study class. Point. Where even to get started... Oh... We have had plenty of experiences, from good to bad, funny to somber. We learned about ourselves and about others. We tried, sometimes we failed. But, honestly, it's with them that I figured out, "Fallen will never mean sent to Hell." And while I am still struggling, pulling myself up every so often, I am still trying. Still hitting at that proverbial punching bag called life, trying to show it that it won't take me down. On that note, I don't technically eat with people, but there are people around me also eating on certain days of the week. I wouldn't say that I'm introverting this year, but probably. I am not really trying to put myself out there to meet friends, trying more to focus on myself and that's harder than one would think. Trying to take those pieces of a failing whole and put them back together correctly is no easy feat. But, I think that I am doing the best that I can do, given my history.
© Karia FelWell
10th grade: I took Photojournalism, speech, started out as a diver, but moved from that, German one, Geometry, Chemistry, world history, English two, and Art two sculpture. I didn't hang with anyone really, but I also wasn't eating alone or in the cafe anymore. I ate upstairs in the library hung out a little with Conner, though I don't really remember how he and I met anymore. I believe it was happenstance. I had been there one day when he was helping out with the school play, and then he picked me out from a crowd. He and I argued a lot, him being a main reason for a few breakdowns and once being yelled at by a librarian for being so into an argument about something that I had started yelling while we ate lunch. I think he challenged me though. I think that I challenged him too though, which is why we still sometimes talk, two years after he left here. Ah, speech. That was a semester of... There was a ton of growth. There was being able to talk in front of a crowd of people... There was presenting a speech on the struggles of people and how you should smile at everyone... There was the beginning when Mr. Cohn had to ask me three times to repeat myself if I was asking to use the bathroom because I just couldn't get myself to speak up... I remember the first time that I tried to speak in front of the class, I almost started crying. The.. growth from that to where I am now... It's tremendous.
11th grade: I had Physics, English 3, Math models, US history, AP 3D art 3, Jewelry (independent study really), German 2. I reverted back to being an introvert this year, and while I had my first job this year too, I was in no mood for people, preferring to hide next to my fifth period English class as I ate lunch to having to deal with the pressures of talking to people during lunch. I had a few visitors, but not many. This year brought friends and enemies, brought along choices to talk or let someone defend me. My art was criticized, my emotions were skewed, I had a lot of learning. It was about this year that I started realizing that "Fallen never meant sent to Hell." Just because I had such bad anxiety, such bad depression doesn't-didn't mean that I had to give into them. I didn't have to be in such pain. The getting away from people eating helped that. It helped the hopeless feeling that seemed like was trapping me, and let me bloom into a person that said, "My concentration is going to be about depression," and letting myself get through it in a way I could understand. I worked, I worked hard, and even if it didn't fix the problem, I was okay again.
12th grade: This grade. I have Point, art four, English four, Government first semester, Economics second semester, Algebra two, Forensic Science, and an independent art study class. Point. Where even to get started... Oh... We have had plenty of experiences, from good to bad, funny to somber. We learned about ourselves and about others. We tried, sometimes we failed. But, honestly, it's with them that I figured out, "Fallen will never mean sent to Hell." And while I am still struggling, pulling myself up every so often, I am still trying. Still hitting at that proverbial punching bag called life, trying to show it that it won't take me down. On that note, I don't technically eat with people, but there are people around me also eating on certain days of the week. I wouldn't say that I'm introverting this year, but probably. I am not really trying to put myself out there to meet friends, trying more to focus on myself and that's harder than one would think. Trying to take those pieces of a failing whole and put them back together correctly is no easy feat. But, I think that I am doing the best that I can do, given my history.
© Karia FelWell
