I

Xénia point of view:

"Xénia, for god's sake, can you please listen to a word I say?! I am done with you," There she goes again. That was my manager, Rene. As sweet and as cute as she was, she was the worst in reproaching. She just knew what spots and what strings to play to make guilt eat me up alive even if what I was doing was entirely correct, which by the way rarely happens.

"Rene, please, listen to me, I am sorry, okay?!" I uttered. She rolled her eyes and started walking away as she said, "I told you, and warned you once, twice and three times, but you never listen. You always do what you think and all of us end up regretting it all. I am done with this. Get yourself a new manager cause I am done. I am over with you. You are the worst."

"Calm down, please," I said as I went after her. I huffed as Noah went to her. Noah was her boyfriend and my best friend, he was the link between both of us and he was the one who introduced me to her in the first place.

"I got her," Noah said with a smile before he left with her. I headed to my room since we were practically in my house. Unlike most celebrities like myself, it was nothing big as a matter of fact, it is where I lived since I was sixteen. In the city where I had lived more than six years and four years of them were on my own, going to school and college. I preferred my parent's home, at least before they had the divorce and each of them lived elsewhere. Few months ago, I found out that my father got married and his wife was pregnant. I didn't get to attend the wedding...

I didn't even know until three years after they were married, and they had a daughter, Laila. I didn't know how I felt and even now, I don't. I don't like it but I don't hate it either. I have mixed feelings and I don't like that. I want to hate it so bad. I want to hate him for doing that to me, and practically replacing me, who once was his only daughter but I know that it was impossible. I was no longer his daughter, or at least, no longer acted like one.

I am always busy, from a photo shoot, to an interview, to a new movie or a series, or maybe even a new song. I have always dreamt of being a pop star, but that rarely happens. Modeling is how I started and then acting knocked on the door. My passion didn't die down and I found myself doing the impossible to sing a song. I wrote my own and thankfully I did. It got a good amount of views. I wanted to go on with singing but I never have the time.

I went to the bathroom and grabbed my make up remover. I was done with that face, the fake one I am forced to put twenty four seven if not even more. My only relief and release is my dream land, but even that attack me sometime.

I sighed as I remembered why Rene was that mad. She hated what I did more accurately what I said. However, I couldn't stay silent or do otherwise. I knew how she would react and I knew it was bad, but I also knew that it must be said even if no one admitted that. I was practically doing every other model a favor.

What happened was just so frustrating and annoying. I couldn't stay silent as I watched something like that. I am a famous person, people take me as a role model and know better than missing with me. Yet with all of that, I was fucking messed with. I couldn't believe it happened. I just felt so humiliated, not as a person, but as a woman. I felt like it I didn't reply, I would feel awful forever and I can't live with that for more than five minutes. I felt disgusted every time it fucking played in my head.

"Sweetheart, I say you should smile wider," the camera man said. I smiled a bit more and then he kept clicking on the camera taking pictures.

"I say we take a side picture too, it should be good," the director who was a lady said.

"No, it will be ugly. You have no sense," the camera man, Jad said and I rolled my eyes. "You are a woman, and woman shouldn't do thinking."

"Excuse me!" I said as I sat straight and crossed my arms. I am a feminine figure and I am always open to it. I can't watch something like that happen as I stayed silent looking all pretty.

"You too, after all, all you do for living is sell your smile to the camera," that sucker said and my hand turned into fists. Rene signed for me to calm down but that was over my dead body. It was a model photo session for a certain product, a milk product. I threw the product on the ground as I stopped seeing straight and all I saw was damn red.

"Who is the idiot here?! The one who sells the smiles or the one who buys it. Listen here, she is the director and as long as she is and you are nothing but a mere camera man, you will listen to what she says. What century are you living in, huh?!" I said as I threw the cup of milk at him.

"Would you be happy if I said that to your mom or sister?! I sure don't mind," I said with an eye roll. "I will tell them that they shouldn't think that they are woman and I will also tell them that they raised a kid who only sees themselves cause no real man would say that."

"I won't come back until this idiot is fired," I said as I took my bag and left not sparing anyone a glance. Men! They think that they are superior only because they are men. They practically do nothing yet act like they own the world. They act like the world will crumble without them. Italy was once raised by women and only women. The ruler of the United Kingdom is Queen Elizabeth II and it has been the case for more than sixty eight years. Why didn't it crumble?!

The real problem wasn't what I said because if it was an ordinary person it would have passed. These days it doesn't matter what you do, but who you do it to matters more. That, unfortunately, was the best camera man in Canada. He was almost as famous as I was, which rarely happens. Usually models and actors take the front, but he had almost the same fame and the same fan base as I do. That frustrated me and that made Rene see red. She couldn't just understand what all of that meant to me, and I don't blame her. She doesn't know my story. No body does, not even Noah, and I plan on keeping it that way.

How dare he?! I don't sell my smile, do I?! No! I sure don't. I hate it when anyone says that. I feel so cheap. That wasn't my first time hearing that and I knew that it wouldn't be my last. I also know what they think of me. They think I am a slut, a whore and a gold digger. That is exactly what I showed them. However, I added my favourite word 'trouble'. I put tattoos on my body and even one had the word 'Trouble' in a special font. It was placed just under my collarbone. I added piercings and did some crazy hair cuts, wore edgy clothes and proved them right. Surprisingly, they just stopped talking about that.

I remember when I was a naive girl in that big world and dangerous world of media. I hated what they said and I even tried proving otherwise but somehow they say it all the different way. I did charity, they called me a snake. I helped people, they called me attention seeker. Then, thankfully arrived the time when I was fed up with all their shit. I was done with all of them one by one. My parents were divorced by then and I had way too much. None even considered my emotions and they called me the damn reason of it all. I was fed up so I started doing what I should have done from the start, I became the damn snake they described me to be. I gladly became one, made my own name and now I am not to messed with.

Some may call it self centering because I stopped giving a damn. I did whatever came into my mind at any damn time. I stopped caring and I showed tall of them the damned snake they wanted and now they dared blame me. They blamed me for being the snake they practically begged me to be. How was the fair?! That was a lesson I learnt as well, the world was NEVER fair. You should work hard for everything and yet people believe that you don't deserve it. Here I am now... Xénia Alarcon, the Spanish Canadian actor and model, also known as Xénia, the trouble. I was never happier with my name.

I lost myself to what they wanted me to be, but I have never and will never lose my dignity. I will never ever accept any insult or a degradation. Despite what I was, am or will be, I deserve respect. I deserve respect for inspiring young adults to follow their dreams no matter what anyone says. I deserve respect for being no one but myself. I deserve respect for being unlike most celebrities. I have never slept around. I have never bedded a guy for a role or whatever. Yet, they called me a damn slut.

My phone vibrated informing me that a message has arrived. I grabbed it as I really needed to take my thoughts off that idiot that shall not be named. I hated feeling like that, yet I was feeling it because of a guy who did not deserve to be a man. I hate men like that and I am well aware that most of them are like that which is why I never bothered dating any guy. None of them deserved my time. None of them would handle me, cause none of them cared enough to bother with me. None of them wanted and want to risk their sweet reputation with mine, which I didn’t blame them for. I would have never guessed that I would be me or have that reputation, if I knew before hand, I would have backed up, so now that they knew, they sure will as well. I was meant to be alone.

I opened the message and I threw the phone away. It was Rene. I went to bed thinking about the message. She was reminding me that I had a party the next day. Sylvia Brochard, one of my friends, who also worked as a photographer was hosting a party for her birthday. Her birthdays were always lit and the event of the month. I had to bring her something, but what?! I hate when I find myself in that position. I had the outfit ready and I got to bring her a gift. How did I even forget about that?! I knew I couldn't ask Rene for help since she was most likely still mad at me. I don't get why she was mad. Granted I took it a little too far, but she didn't just expect me to stay silent.

I was mad and when I get mad, I never see straight as my vision turns red. We all have that point of anger where we just stop thinking and as some people, mine was so close. I get mad over just normal stuff like a disrespecting time. That shit just makes me flip. I don't have much of a patience.

I sighed as I grabbed my laptop. I had to order something online. It was a little too late so I got to make sure that it would arrive soon, and there goes my fame. My fame would allow me to have stuff quickly but I would have to make an advirtisment which I sure don't mind at this point. I totally forgot and it is about to save me.

I got into the account and sighed as I started scrolling. I picked some stuff and payed for them, before calling the company. Thankfully, it would arrive first thing in the morning. I brought her some frames and cute stuff cause women are women. She had the ability to but everything, so the thought it was. The thought would make it special and to me that was. I was in love with frames and socks so much. As silly as that was, I could spend all my money on those two.

I sighed as I found my cat making its way to me along with my dog. They have been together since forever so they just stopped arguing. At first it was a nightmare, but now it is a daydream. I petted both of them. I got their plastic ball and started playing with them. They just somehow know how to make my day so much better. I really appreciate that. I love them a lot. Bella, my precious dog, licked my face and Kiara, my cat, layed on my stomach. Bella went to my side, and slept there. I snuggled into both of them as I slept. I couldn't sleep on my own, so I got them, and they made my life better. It has been three years now. I can't live without them anymore. They are my only company after all. Only them will stay forever.…