You ever get that feeling, the terrible miserable numbing feeling...that you think no one else but you feels?My past comes up on me like a nightmare stalking me during the day. The overwhelming feeling of insecurity or blaming myself for the past and something I didn't do. I don't know how long it takes for this pain to go away, I wish it would because it's really dragging me down. I'm trying to fight the demon in my own mind that keeps pulling me to the dark place. How did it come to this? This destroyed my whole life! I don't even have the courage to say what it is because I am only ashamed of myself more every day even though my mother told me in the past it was not my fault. Today and every day feels very much my fault. I wish I can hurt the one that did this to me, but what good will that do? I have to have the courage to be strong, I don't want them to see how they destroyed me. They will only smile and laugh. I have to keep my chin up and hold on just a little while longer....