However, after I cheated on her because I felt so lonely without my love Zusiphe for the whole three months I must say I wasn’t so proud for doing such a thing to her and I know that if she done the same to me I won’t be liking it. So I decided to bury the secret and I promised myself that I will never tell her about it but then I realise that secrets, lies, dishonesty and cheating sometimes they lead that many relationships to die a painful death because others ended saying things they don’t mean to find peace in their hearts. Anyway in the morning I did accompany the girl I got from the club to her home as soon as I got home I called Zusiphe and luckily she answered the phone somehow she sounded so upset. I thought maybe she was upset that the past day I was acting strange on the phone but then she told me that she is upset because her father wanted her to go to Jozi (Johannesburg) and she wasn’t really with what her father was asking her to do. I remember on the phone she mentioned something like if she agreed going to Jozi she might not be coming back again and I won’t be able to see her again in my life, I was shocked for a minute I don’t want to lie and immediately I got so worried in the morning but I told myself one thing that no matter what happens I will always love her and if we met just in case in the future then we’ll finish where we left off. So as I was in the phone with her I tried to soften up by telling her that she must not worry herself too much because love will work out things for us and she started getting called a bit. Her voice started to be in a comfortable tone slowly and slowly until I said her on the other side of the phone laughing you know hearing her laugh made me feel so special that I can make her smile and laugh while I was away from her. Anyway we talked on the phone for about two hours in the morning and I remember when I run out of airtime while in the call with her she called me back. But as we all know that nothing lasts forever so the call ended and I must say again that I was happy that I could bring a smile and a laughter in her again from the distance. After the call I wanted to the bathroom to wash out away the sin I was doing the past night and I told myself that I will never a such thing again but then what was confusing I didn’t have much memories about what happened in the club and how I ended up in bed with her I don’t remember by the way I’m glad that I don’t remember anything about that girl or anything that made me go home with her. Of course when I arrived to Port Elizabeth I met new friends and what I noticed about these friends I made from Port Elizabeth were party animals I remember every weekend we would go to the club and party because I wasn’t used to the lifestyle I always felt uncomfortable when we go to these clubs so I told myself that I will cut them off my life and I will be with friends who like things that I like. And I’m glad that I did cut off my ties with them because they were introducing to something I never dreamed of in my whole life besides just imagine being raised and taught by the pastor then came to Port Elizabeth to be taught another lifestyle my grandfather never taught me in fact clubs were the forbidden place according to how he taught me so it wasn’t really a good idea to waste my time in clubs while I can do something more important about my life. To be honest when I came to Port Elizabeth I wasn’t here for going to clubs and making friends that will make me shape my focus for the reason I came her and the reason I came to Port Elizabeth was to hustle so I can have the good life with Zusiphe from the start. I really admire the fact that I didn’t allow the city of Port Elizabeth to destroy me anyway as a person I made my reckless and worse behaviour because I got out of the way for six months and I ended up doing drugs and all the worse things you could imagine about me because I wanted to fit in but then I realised that nothing was worth it about all that. When I came to my senses I noticed that nothing was helping because I was killing myself alive for trying to be in the same standard as these guys I used to call friends and I was more selling my soul to the devil. I don’t want to lie I was deceived by the good feeling I felt when I was high by drugs but what I didn’t noticed when I was doing drugs I really lost myself and my soul too. However, it took me another six months recover from using drugs and from fake friends who wanted to be in hell with other people because sometimes hell is not the place where there is man on fire trying to burn people or punish people for doing bad things which are categorised as sins, hell is what we put ourselves into for the things we do out there I made bad choices myself too that brought to my soul. Anyway coming the city taught me many things and mostly it taught me not all people are good and that not all people wants the best for you I remember when some old man who met me in the busy taxi rank of Njoli some place here in Port Elizabeth. The old man asked where do I come from and I told him that I’m from Idutywa and she told me that I need to watch my back when it comes to Port Elizabeth, of course I didn’t take him for granted because he seemed like he was mentally ill I thought maybe he was just saying that he was high with his medication or else he didn’t take it at all only to find out when I asked about him that I was a rich man who was betrayed by his own friends and this friends didn’t just hijack his wealth but his family also and he was left with nothing then he became a hobby. When I came to Port Elizabeth I learnt many things about the people within the city and if you heard about Sodom and Gomora I think is that place they talked about in the bible because nobody warns anybody about anything that is happening in the city. Anyway Zusiphe was always on my mind and it seemed she had me under some spell because I felt when I was thinking about her I would be like sometimes I’m going crazy and I don’t blame myself for feeling like that because I was indeed in love with her and you know I had good Intentions with her and about her the feeling about her was priceless and real I must say. I told myself one thing that no matter what happens between us I will make her mother of my children every night but I sleep I used to pray that God will give me strength and courage to marry Zusiphe and make her my life partner. Anyway anybody would have wished to marry her because she had what we call “wife material thing” I told how to explain it but she had that unconditional love, caring, respect and she know how to play her part as a female I know as human beings we are not perfect but she was the perfect woman for me and still the same woman for me.
So time wasn’t at our side and it was going on and on. What killed me the most is that I spent months without seeing her face and there was most times where I couldn’t hold myself when I missed her. However, the communication through the first months I was away from her was still on and everything seems to be on point. I’m glad she never found out about what I did behind her back even though it was my first and last time but I feel like I should’ve never done something like that to her from the start sometimes some temptations can’t just be turned a blind eye as the matter of fact I’m not saying I was wise for doing such a thing. Anyway what happened is the same as what is been created and nothing I can change about that but my worry is that what if she found out that all this time I cheated on her but then I guessed that is not what I should be worried because I was more worried about what can I do to make sure that she don’t find out at all besides if she finds out about anything I might lose her in my life because all that she is giving me is loyalty, honesty and trustworthy and all I did was to betray her.
However, there is a say that I heard somewhere in Port Elizabeth and it goes like some things are secrets we will die with” even though I promised her that there will be no lies between us but still I don’t think that it is a wise choice to tell her that I betrayed or at least if I feel like telling her the truth then I will tell her when I think it is the right time to tell her. But I can t imagine yelling her the truth because sometimes the truth don’t set us free but the truth may cause wounds that may be not easy to heal and at the this time of our relationship I don’t risk anything and end up being alone with the woman I love with all my heart. You know I prayed that nothing must come between us but what I did I brought troubles in our relationship by adding the third person in our lives and my question was that what if the girl I met at the club caught feelings for me. It may looked like a one night stand to me obviously but what if all that fire I was playing with will come back to burn me. Besides there is always another way around in the situation like those so I told myself I will be honest to the girl I met on the club that I have a girlfriend anyway in the club we go to have fun not to fall in love. Luckily for me that girl came back to me and telling me things that may complicate my relationship with Zusiphe it was quite a relief for me after that. By the way speaking of that after I stopped going to clubs and mind my business as I was trying to put my life together I ended up forgetting about going behind Zusiphe’s back again and I spent most of my time home looking up on me I remember one day when I was just at home as usual Zusiphe called and I think it was Wednesday afternoon and I was watching TV so I didn’t hesitate to answer the call with confidence.
“Hello babe” I answered the call.
“Hi, how are you my love?” said Zusiphe.
“I am doing good my love yourself?” I said.
“Yeah me too I’m doing good but that I complain but I miss you” said Zusiphe.
“Not the way I do” I said.
“I guess I’m lucky lady in your life” said Zusiphe.
“Of course” in fact I was convincing myself because I was serious about putting her as my lucky lady I wouldn’t be messing around. However, I don’t think I should have worried myself for things I could not change.
“Are you sure about that?” said Zusiphe and when she asked me that question I thought she saw me in her dreams with another girl the funny part I was that I didn’t have the answer for that question.
“Come on babe what do you mean by that you know I’m down with you” I said in such as shocked voice and she noticed me.
“You know you don’t have to be shocked because I was just saying anyway since I’m in love with you and so far you are the only guy in my life” said Zusiphe politely and she sounded serious.
“You don’t have to worry yourself babe you will always in my heart and soul so I doubt I will be down with another girl besides” I said with the hope of trying to convince her as she was starting to think that I was a bit forgetting about her.
“I trust you babe” said Zusiphe.
“I know that babe you do and I’m grateful” I said.
“It’s been months now without me seeing your face babe so when are you coming back?” Zusiphe asked and she sounded so drained like she lost hope that I will ever come back for her.
“Babe I told you that I will back for you and all you need is to not lose hope on us” I said with the hope that I will raise her hopes up again.
“Babe you didn’t answer my question” said Zusiphe.
“I really don’t know yet babe because I’m still hustling my way out” I said.
“”That sounds like you don’t want to come back again!” said Zusiphe with the aggressive voice.
“No babe don’t say that please” I said.
“I don’t care if you still hustling or not. All I want to see is YOU” said Zusiphe.
“Huh? I beg your pardon” I said.
“I mean babe make me be part of your hustle at least come for two days to see me then go back to Port Elizabeth” said Zusiphe.
“I wish I had money to come but I’m broke” I said.
“I understand” said Zusiphe.
“Are you sure that you really understand or you just trying to shut me out?
“Shut you out? What are you talking about?
“Never mind” I said.
“You know that is boring me right?” said Zusiphe.
“I know babe” I said.
“Let’s talk later babe” said Zusiphe.
“Later babe” I said.
She dropped the phone and continue watching TV. What made me happy about the call is that I got to smile again. You know Zusiphe’s voice has that thing for me the same thing that made me love her so much besides the distance between us but the chemistry was fire always. Sometimes I caught myself praying that God gives us more years together because as much as I love her I wanted to make her the woman of my dreams. To be honest in nowadays it’s hard to find the one that would love you for who you are and what you are but Zusiphe loved me for me so I promised myself that I will never ever in my life let go of her and thank God I did.

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