4 views
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐉𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫
Once upon a time in the whimsical, small town of Bakersville, there lived a man named Dave. He had a special talent—he loved telling corny jokes. His quick wit and knack for puns were legendary, and he couldn't resist sharing his humor with everyone around him.
Dave's wife, Emma, was both amused and exasperated by his constant jokes. Every morning, as she sipped her coffee, Dave would appear grinning with a mischievous smile and say, "What do you call a cow with no legs?"
"Ground beef!"
Emma would roll her eyes and chuckle, unable to resist her husband's infectious laughter.
Their children, Lily and Max, inherited their father's sense of humor. They would eagerly gather around him, waiting for his daily dose of laughter.
Dave would gather them close and say, "What do lawyers wear to court?"
Lawsuits.
Lily and Max would burst into fits of giggles, just begging for more jokes until their sides hurt.
Dave's friends knew him as the
Clown Jester of Bakersville.
Whenever they needed a good laugh, they would seek him out. One evening, during a gathering at their favorite local pub, Dave got up and proclaimed,
"Why did the scarecrow always win an award?
Because he was so outstanding in his field!"
The entire pub erupted with laughter, and he basked in the joy of making others smile.
His love for jokes extended beyond his family and friends. Dave would seize any golden opportunity to entertain unsuspecting strangers.
While waiting in line at the grocery store, he would strike up conversations with fellow shoppers and unleash a pun-filled tirade.
The cashiers, at first dreading the line of customers Dave held up, would eventually find themselves laughing along with the rest of the store.
Dave's reputation as the "Jokester Extraordinaire"
Spread throughout Bakersville. People began inviting him to events just to ensure a fun-filled atmosphere.
Whether it was just a birthday party, or community gathering, even a solemn occasion. Dave's corny jokes managed to uplift everyone's spirits.
One day, the Mayor of Bakersville decided to organize a grand comedy festival. Of course, Dave was naturally the first person he invited to perform. The festival was a great, riotous success, with the entire town doubled over with laughter.
Dave took center stage, he was telling joke after joke, pun after pun, and the crowd couldn't get enough. It was a night of sheer hilarity, leaving everyone in stitches.
His wife, Linda, was used to his jokes by now.
Having heard them all before, many times.
She would just smile politely and laugh occasionally, but normally she would roll her eyes and shake her head. She loved Dave, but sometimes she wished he would tone down his jokes a bit.
His children, Jake and Amy, were also familiar with his jokes. They had grown up listening to them every day. They would sometimes laugh at his jokes, but mostly they would groan and cringe. They loved Dave, but sometimes they wished he would stop embarrassing them with his jokes.
His friends, Mike and Tom, were also aware of his jokes. They had known him since college and had endured his jokes for years. They would sometimes chuckle at his jokes, but mostly they would ignore them or change the subject.
They liked Dave, but sometimes they wished he would be a little more serious with his jokes.
But Dave didn't care what anyone thought of his jokes. He loved telling them and he thought they were hilarious.
He believed that laughter was the best medicine and that everyone needed a good joke to brighten their day. He never missed an opportunity to crack a joke, no matter how corny or inappropriate it was.
One day, Dave decided to go to a comedy club for a night out. He had always wanted to try stand-up comedy and he thought he had what it took to make people laugh. He signed up for an open mic night and prepared some of his best jokes.
He arrived at the comedy club and was greeted by the host.
"Hi, I'm here for the open mic night," Dave said.
"Sure, just write your name on this list and wait for your turn," the host said.
Dave wrote down his name and looked at the list. He saw that there were about ten other comedians before him.
He walked over to the bar and ordered a drink. He sipped it slowly and watched the other comedians perform.
He saw some of them get laughs, some of them get boos and some of them get silence.
He rehearsed some of his jokes in his head and smiled to himself.
(When he got on stage
he said)
Hello people, I'm Dave, and I hope to entertain you tonight.
"How many of you like
to help people, said Dave?"
(The audience clapped)
Dave: "Well I do too, I walked into my bank
today and an old lady asked me to help check her balance."
So I pushed her over!
(audience chuckles)
Dave: "Yeah, three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf."
I haven't heard from him since.
Dave: (feeling the crowd) "My wife says I'm getting fatter, but in my defence, I've had a lot on my plate recently."
"Hey people, my dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, and he said nothing.
(audience laughing)
Dave: "You know the other day, my wife asked me to pass her the lipstick but I accidentally passed her the glue stick."
She still isn't talking to me.
(Dave smiles)
Dave: "Just the other day I stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and the guy says: 'Once upon a time there was a lobster...'
Dave: "Yeah, some people can be so uptight you know, my female neighbor always suntans topless, my wife is quite against it,
but I am on the fence!
[audience laughing hard)
He gets on a roll]
"Hey, I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes."
She gave me a hug!
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a bit flushed!
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
Why did it take so long for the pirates to learn the Alphabet? They got stuck at C.
How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.
I went to a psychic the other day and knocked on her front door. She yelled: 'Who is it?'
So I Left.
People, I was in a casino yesterday and a couple of cows were smoking weed and playing poker.
The steaks were pretty high.
"Well, that's all I have for you tonight ladies and I hope gentlemen.
Goodnight!"
(Dave exited the stage to thunderous applause)
He went home happier
than he ever
Dreamed!
© Charles Kemp
Dave's wife, Emma, was both amused and exasperated by his constant jokes. Every morning, as she sipped her coffee, Dave would appear grinning with a mischievous smile and say, "What do you call a cow with no legs?"
"Ground beef!"
Emma would roll her eyes and chuckle, unable to resist her husband's infectious laughter.
Their children, Lily and Max, inherited their father's sense of humor. They would eagerly gather around him, waiting for his daily dose of laughter.
Dave would gather them close and say, "What do lawyers wear to court?"
Lawsuits.
Lily and Max would burst into fits of giggles, just begging for more jokes until their sides hurt.
Dave's friends knew him as the
Clown Jester of Bakersville.
Whenever they needed a good laugh, they would seek him out. One evening, during a gathering at their favorite local pub, Dave got up and proclaimed,
"Why did the scarecrow always win an award?
Because he was so outstanding in his field!"
The entire pub erupted with laughter, and he basked in the joy of making others smile.
His love for jokes extended beyond his family and friends. Dave would seize any golden opportunity to entertain unsuspecting strangers.
While waiting in line at the grocery store, he would strike up conversations with fellow shoppers and unleash a pun-filled tirade.
The cashiers, at first dreading the line of customers Dave held up, would eventually find themselves laughing along with the rest of the store.
Dave's reputation as the "Jokester Extraordinaire"
Spread throughout Bakersville. People began inviting him to events just to ensure a fun-filled atmosphere.
Whether it was just a birthday party, or community gathering, even a solemn occasion. Dave's corny jokes managed to uplift everyone's spirits.
One day, the Mayor of Bakersville decided to organize a grand comedy festival. Of course, Dave was naturally the first person he invited to perform. The festival was a great, riotous success, with the entire town doubled over with laughter.
Dave took center stage, he was telling joke after joke, pun after pun, and the crowd couldn't get enough. It was a night of sheer hilarity, leaving everyone in stitches.
His wife, Linda, was used to his jokes by now.
Having heard them all before, many times.
She would just smile politely and laugh occasionally, but normally she would roll her eyes and shake her head. She loved Dave, but sometimes she wished he would tone down his jokes a bit.
His children, Jake and Amy, were also familiar with his jokes. They had grown up listening to them every day. They would sometimes laugh at his jokes, but mostly they would groan and cringe. They loved Dave, but sometimes they wished he would stop embarrassing them with his jokes.
His friends, Mike and Tom, were also aware of his jokes. They had known him since college and had endured his jokes for years. They would sometimes chuckle at his jokes, but mostly they would ignore them or change the subject.
They liked Dave, but sometimes they wished he would be a little more serious with his jokes.
But Dave didn't care what anyone thought of his jokes. He loved telling them and he thought they were hilarious.
He believed that laughter was the best medicine and that everyone needed a good joke to brighten their day. He never missed an opportunity to crack a joke, no matter how corny or inappropriate it was.
One day, Dave decided to go to a comedy club for a night out. He had always wanted to try stand-up comedy and he thought he had what it took to make people laugh. He signed up for an open mic night and prepared some of his best jokes.
He arrived at the comedy club and was greeted by the host.
"Hi, I'm here for the open mic night," Dave said.
"Sure, just write your name on this list and wait for your turn," the host said.
Dave wrote down his name and looked at the list. He saw that there were about ten other comedians before him.
He walked over to the bar and ordered a drink. He sipped it slowly and watched the other comedians perform.
He saw some of them get laughs, some of them get boos and some of them get silence.
He rehearsed some of his jokes in his head and smiled to himself.
(When he got on stage
he said)
Hello people, I'm Dave, and I hope to entertain you tonight.
"How many of you like
to help people, said Dave?"
(The audience clapped)
Dave: "Well I do too, I walked into my bank
today and an old lady asked me to help check her balance."
So I pushed her over!
(audience chuckles)
Dave: "Yeah, three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf."
I haven't heard from him since.
Dave: (feeling the crowd) "My wife says I'm getting fatter, but in my defence, I've had a lot on my plate recently."
"Hey people, my dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, and he said nothing.
(audience laughing)
Dave: "You know the other day, my wife asked me to pass her the lipstick but I accidentally passed her the glue stick."
She still isn't talking to me.
(Dave smiles)
Dave: "Just the other day I stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and the guy says: 'Once upon a time there was a lobster...'
Dave: "Yeah, some people can be so uptight you know, my female neighbor always suntans topless, my wife is quite against it,
but I am on the fence!
[audience laughing hard)
He gets on a roll]
"Hey, I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes."
She gave me a hug!
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a bit flushed!
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
Why did it take so long for the pirates to learn the Alphabet? They got stuck at C.
How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.
I went to a psychic the other day and knocked on her front door. She yelled: 'Who is it?'
So I Left.
People, I was in a casino yesterday and a couple of cows were smoking weed and playing poker.
The steaks were pretty high.
"Well, that's all I have for you tonight ladies and I hope gentlemen.
Goodnight!"
(Dave exited the stage to thunderous applause)
He went home happier
than he ever
Dreamed!
© Charles Kemp
