0 views
Learning to STOP ‼️
Rejection has always been the way of life for, Paawaina. As a child, over weight with laing dark plack hair, puffy cheeks, and attitude. She always tried to adjust who she was because she was tired of being teased for for the way she looked. Friends were very few, since the family constantly moved. Being the new kid, she faced being bullied, teased, and sometimes pushed shoved and hit. Yes she cried, she hurt and she tried telling her parents about it. The first question was always..."What did you do for them to do that to you?" Believe me, nothing was done about. How do I know, it never stopped. Mom kept saying to just stay away from them.
Growing up, family get togethers were the thing to do. We had them almost every weekend, most of the time at Granny's house. Never understood why I'd get excited, no one to play with. And mind you, if the siblings and cousins would invite me to play, it would always be something to their entertainment and my expense. I was never a fast runner, heck I was fat. I had nothing in common with them. Everyone was able to do all the things and better than I. The memories of hearing, we don't want her, she's too slow! Don't put her on our team, she's to fat. We don't have room on our team for you, maybe next time. Shit, I fell for that one all the damn time. So the kids never wanted anything to do with me. Then I'd end up sitting around with the adults. Which, mind you, never lasted long because they'd say go with the kids. Finally, I just kept myself occupied by bouncing back and forth to watch the kids play and the group of laughing adults. Yup, that was the most part of my childhood.
I began teaching myself to dream of being places anywhere but with my family. Then when I saw an opportunity, I flew with it.
In 30 years, I had managed to marry three times and had three children from fyirs marriage. Worked and basically single parented and went to college. Why am I not in a mental institution? I have no idea. then to top it off, I lost my husband two months ago. Emotions are off the wall and the mental state, at times feels like I'm hanging by a thread.
What exactly is holdme together through all of this? My faith.I believe God has a purpose, as he does for you. He has a purpose for me and I'm just trusting him and the guidance he provides.
© Pa`awaina
Growing up, family get togethers were the thing to do. We had them almost every weekend, most of the time at Granny's house. Never understood why I'd get excited, no one to play with. And mind you, if the siblings and cousins would invite me to play, it would always be something to their entertainment and my expense. I was never a fast runner, heck I was fat. I had nothing in common with them. Everyone was able to do all the things and better than I. The memories of hearing, we don't want her, she's too slow! Don't put her on our team, she's to fat. We don't have room on our team for you, maybe next time. Shit, I fell for that one all the damn time. So the kids never wanted anything to do with me. Then I'd end up sitting around with the adults. Which, mind you, never lasted long because they'd say go with the kids. Finally, I just kept myself occupied by bouncing back and forth to watch the kids play and the group of laughing adults. Yup, that was the most part of my childhood.
I began teaching myself to dream of being places anywhere but with my family. Then when I saw an opportunity, I flew with it.
In 30 years, I had managed to marry three times and had three children from fyirs marriage. Worked and basically single parented and went to college. Why am I not in a mental institution? I have no idea. then to top it off, I lost my husband two months ago. Emotions are off the wall and the mental state, at times feels like I'm hanging by a thread.
What exactly is holdme together through all of this? My faith.I believe God has a purpose, as he does for you. He has a purpose for me and I'm just trusting him and the guidance he provides.
© Pa`awaina
