As the night fades, I lay in my bed thinking of how my day could have changed. If only I took another step, If only I had did it different from the beginning ,If only I had put my words different maybe he would have stayed .
I look at myself every day and wonder why wasn't it me who had passed away. I think to myself and say only if I could change the past and had a better mother that would have taken care of us like she was supposed to, but yet she didn't.
I blame myself for mine and my sister's past. I should have taken better care of them. I feel as though my little sister blames me for our past because we was never close . We aren't very close right now either but I don't know how to change it.
As I sit here by myself and listen to my dark thoughts and depression. I fight them off but yet at the end of the day I'm the one lying on the floor. All you can hear is the words....HELP ME!!! HELP ME !!!HELP ME!!!...... As everyone is watching but can't see or hear me . I hide my pain and I wipe my tears and fake it till I make it but at the end of the day I'm always crying myself to sleep.
As I lay here and close my eyes . I listen to the echo of my voice calling out for help. I lay here waiting for his return but slowly I drift away. As time goes by it gets harder and harder but the pain never fades away.
Day goes by but time stands still. Our love is gone and my heart has fallen into a million pieces. My mind is here and there but my soul has finally disappeared .
© cowgirl