“LOVE”
One of the best…. Sorry….. my bad….,
The best feeling I have ever experienced so far….
Well, lets get to know me first. I’m MASAR. Yup, it’s the same good old MASAR if you know you know.
I’m highly indifferent towards anything that happens around me. Except when it comes to LOVE and FRIENDSHIP. I have very few people whom I call as Friends.
But the problem is LOVE. FUCK LOVE!!!!!!!
Where should I start??!!
8th standard ? The very first time I thought I was in Love.
Or 10th standard? The very first time I experienced Love.
Or UG ? The very first time I had a Heart Break?
Or PG where I think I’m experiencing something very similar but quite different from my experience of LOVE?
Well, it looks like a never ending journey to me as of now. Only time can solve the Puzzle of Love by teaching me step by step.
Since I have to start the story somewhere, let’s start at Present.
I’m going through the introspection phase currently. And I have recently realised that I always like being independent. And I tend to push away people who try to disturb my independence. Irrespective of whether its my family, Friends or anyone for that matter.
But then I have come across her!! MAHEK. There’s something about her that makes me very uncomfortable around her. Initially I thought I will be able to get over it with time. But, it only started becoming stronger and stronger as days passed by. Though its very unlike me, one day I just told her everything I feel about her. And, she appeared to be highly disinterested. I thought this might clear things up for Good. But in all my foolishness, I started chatting with her from that day which again gave birth to hopes inside me. FUCK ME!!!
Her curly hair. Eyes. And especially the way she says WHAT?! (It just hits my heart straight).
I feel like I can live forever just looking at her. And, believe me this is not an exaggeration. Coming from someone who never wanted to get into any sort of Love drama anymore as a result of past trauma, believe me when I say its not at all under your control whom you love. And my whole life is a proof of this.
Instead of watching the movie I was busy watching her. Don’t know why but I felt so sad when she didn’t pay any attention towards me. I don’t know whether it was because i was dependent on her for my happiness or because there’s no reciprocation. Irrespective of what it is I’m just so confused. I want to be independent but I’m not able to. FUCKK!!!!
Every second around her feels so valuable and long but it’s also like I’m fixed like a statue and can’t do much. And I started thinking that something’s wrong with me.
It messed with me so much that I’m no longer myself anymore. I lost myself in her thoughts, Every minute thing about her made me wonder how she does it so beautifully.
Let me take you through a reality check. She’s neither the most beautiful woman I came across in my life nor did I ever speak with her. But, everytime she’s within a certain radius around me my Heartbeat, it goes crazy and constant butterflies in my stomach. Initially I thought I was sick but as time went by I realised it’s her presence that’s making me go crazy. And my response was to avoid her as much as possible. But everytime I avoid her it started paining like I’m losing a part of myself. And that’s why I said FUCK LOVE!!!
Unable to bear it any longer, one day I called her to my room and told her most of what’s happening to me. But her response told me she’s not much interested in all these things. Well, it turned out to be completely one-sided. But it only increased my thoughts of her by multifold. Don’t ask me why! Cause I don’t know myself. FUCK LOVE!!!!!
© MASAR