It Just Happens...Part 2
I'm sitting on the sofa watching my mom try on the whole lot of frames. This would be the 23rd frame. I wasn't really anxious. There weren't any more customers at this odd time of the day and the faint tunes with muffled lyrics was kinda nice. This kind of peaceful environment was favourable for my mind to wander off...

I'm standing with my mom, holding her arm, tightly. I could feel it, the insecurity...loss of senses. I couldn't see anything. Plain and blank. It was like I was sleeping but not really. I was just there but not really. My mom finished her work and led me out of the shop. I couldn't walk and stumbled the whole time. I had lost perception. And focus. What the hell was happening?
We headed home. I couldn't bring myself to talk to my mother. I walked over to my room. I tried to imagine it but couldn't. My memories were blurry. It felt like i was walking out of practice. I couldn't think clearly. I couldn't help it.
Then, my eyes gave in. Salty drops touched my lips.
Slowly, i crept on my bed, curled around my teddy, Terry and went off. My life had turned upside down. I felt isolated and completely exposed. I didn't know what to feel or how to feel at all. Everything was different now, since the "accident".
All i knew is that I'm no 'Helen Keller'..
I had no strength left in me to start afresh. Sometimes, it's just not worth trying. I was always afraid of change.I always hated memories. Now, that's all I had with me. I wanted to melt in my bed. I wanted to sleep and never wake up.
Why did this happen?
I never hurt anybody. Why me?
I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to see the world. Travel, meet new people...
Now, I can't even get through the day without crying. My thoughts started clouding all over me. There is no escape anymore. I don't have a choice.
My dreams, my life....everything's gone..
I'm just a burden now...needing a hand with every single thing I do. My parents were sad, worried. Because of me. I don't deserve happiness.
I don't deserve to live. I drifted off...

Somehow, I'm holding a knife. Without thinking twice, I stabbed it in my stomach, hard. I had no idea I had the strength or the guts to pull that off. But I did. My head felt light and before I could lean on the wall for support, pain shot through my body. I gasped with the feel of dense liquid on my hands. The pain was excruciating. My ears started ringing. I supported the back of my head on the wall. It would be over soon....is all that kept me from screaming.
I lay there....for hours. I didn't die in an instant. Life wasn't easy. I was stupid to expect Death to be. I had struggled a lot with it.
The agony was fading, the pain numbing. I slipped off the wall and felt the blood cover my head. It was too much, yet I didn't regret it. I hadn't felt anything for long now, even this tormenting pain felt sweet.
As my mind started losing my body, I remembered my first day of school, the crying and then laughing...I remembered picnics and outings....I remembered exams and tension...it all was fading away...I remembered the accident at the hospital and the pain...I remembered my mother's tears and my father's concerns...I had lost control over my Life...
I had found control over my Death..I was on my own now...
I closed my eyes, not that it made any difference..
I could no longer hurt anybody...I didn't deserve it...the words kept ringing in my head...it was a favour...
It went numb then...


...I woke up with a loss of breath. It was different this time. It was almost as if I could still feel the pain. I couldn't believe I fell asleep at the store. But I was alive.
My mom was finally done with her selection. She seemed cheery. She looked over at me and her smile faded. She knew...my face had turned white.
It happened....again..


© @vega

This was my 2nd attempt to continue It Just Happens...