27/12/2020 10:50 PM
On a narrow steep lane surrounded by wooden houses, a girl ran uphill, splashing her wobbling feet in rainwater that shone in the moonlight, declaring mare presence of light in the otherwise foggy-dark lane. Wolves echoed far away but she was running from the far more dangerous creature. The girl worn a black coat on a skirt up to her knees, soaked in blood, with furry white shoes in her feet, shoulders bend in tiresome that overshadowed her long height. She had a hatchet in her one hand which had fresh blood on it.
She encountered the worst fear of her life tonight. With tears pouring into the bite mark on her left cheek, she looked back to ensure no one followed her. It was too much for a thirteen-year-old girl; it would have been too much for any girl. She had always heard of it somewhere—newspaper, TV or from some friends but tonight was different. It seemed a different world to her back then. She always thought that the world was safe for her; Mother and father ensured it. it was unfair that a single incidence was gonna change her life forever.
She stopped running in front of a two-storey house surrounded by a fence made of white sticks. She opened the fence gate and walked to the main gate of the house, still hardly managing to walk upright. She knocked on the door with her trembling hand and waited for a reply calming down her raspy panting. The Fingers of the boy who choked her printed red marks on her neck. she felt like she had lost her sweet voice forever, trying to speak up.
She whimpered, “Momm!” but it was too low to be heard. When No-one replied, she stroked the door with the hatchet, but it was weak, so was her. No matter how much she hated them for what they did, she couldn’t keep her mind of the scream that boy made when she swung the hatchet through his chest. She turned back and dead-walked to the deodar tree in front of the house looking down to her legs and dried blood on them that came from in between them.
She remembered the day her brother bought her the shoes when her sight focussed at stains on the fluffy shoes. Four days ago, her brother gifted her those shoes and she thought she was the luckiest girl in the world.
She took the hatchet and tried to dig a small pit and with every stroke, she wished it was those boys’ head she was hitting. Soon she realized hatchets were not built to dug pits, for it wasn’t helping at all, so she removed soil and grass with her trembling hands. Then she put it in the pit and covered it back. With tears in her eyes, she stood up and looked at the house with those poor little things. She cleaned her eyes with her hand thinking about the long walk she had to make.
With the first step, she fell on the ground. Her mind was fading and she felt the energy emerging in her heart. Now she could remember those three years she spent with Rosie, so clear and detailed that she had forgotten what happened less than an hour ago. She felt something moving inside her body. But soon the pain bested those memories. She closed her eyes thanking her mother who allowed her to join defence program Rosie ran back in the days. It was only that training that saved her.
Tessa gasped and looked up as she heard the footsteps, hoping she would get attention.
Amir, her brother, who came from downhill, didn’t even notice her and walked straight to the main gate in hurry. He opened the gate and entered the house. Scene become immotile once again.
Tessa heard her breathe but couldn’t talk. After a few minutes, his brother came out of the house. Her sight was blurred but she still recognised him. She breathed heavily so he would notice her. He did and walked toward her. Instead of helping he ran back into the house. He couldn’t leave her in that condition. Tessa thought he was probably calling help. She waited and waited but her brother didn’t come back. She was sure she was gonna die there, under that banyan tree.
Now that she thought of it, she wished she had killed herself three days ago when her father found out about her sexuality. She never had hurt a single soul in her life. Yet, she had to face terrible things, things that tore her soul apart. She had handled well when Prasad, her father misbehaved with her mother. He listened Tessa and she felt like an angel who saved Prasad from ascending darkness in his heart. She never bonded well with Mary but she would still miss her. She was never afraid of death but she didn’t want to go this way, lying under a tree wounded and nobody to help her.
Time passed and about half an hour later, a car stopped outside the house. Her mom, Mary, a late thirty years old lady in her suit stepped out of the car blabbing about something unclear and worriedly ran into the house. Tessa looked at her hoping she would look at her but she didn’t. Ever since Mary got the news from her school three days ago, Mary’s life had become worse than hell. The life was checking Tessa’s patience and that was hurtful, even more than gut-wrenching pain in her heart.
Prasad, her father, came out of the car with his irritated face and looked around. He walked to the house gate. He stopped at the stairs; looking probably at her blood and Tessa took a breath full of relief. He, with his irritatingly surprised face, looked where bloodstains were heading. Tears came out of Tessa’s eyes. Finally, she had some courage to live.
“Tessa,” he ran to Tessa laid under the deodar tree. Tessa closed her eyes in relief.
“Mary! Come here.” He picked up Tessa and walked into the house. Tessa felt like an angel had saved her. He laid her down the sofa carefully in the living room. She slowly fainted as Prasad called her brother’s name. the most important person in her life, her father had saved her and it meant a lot to Tessa as for these three days he was mad at her for kissing Alicia in school bathroom.

Three days ago, she got a chit in her school locker, in the launch break. These chits usually didn’t have a name. She looked around to find out who needed her but no luck. Privacy was one of the features of friend proxy. Numbers depleted and within 10 ten minutes, looker room was empty.
Slowly, Tessa walked toward the washroom, knowing that someone followed her keeping the distance.
Tessa ran a club named friend proxy in high school. However, she was the only member but she helped many overcome depressions, break up and whatnot. It was her only weakness, an urge to help others.
Someone wearing a mask entered the washroom behind Tessa.
“Hello, my friend. Long-time no sees.” Said Tessa being a casual friend. It was part of the act where she pretended to be friends with strangers who wanted her help. That’s what friend proxy was all about. You got a friend, could share things without revealing your identities and sometimes make love but it was never about hook-ups. Tessa made that sure. However, there were some exceptions.
“You know classes and all. I missed you. You never called either.” Said Alicia. Tessa strangely opened her mouth hearing a recognisable voice. How could she not recognise her crush’s voice? She turned to Alicia. She could recognize her ebony body and curly hairs from a mile. But the best thing about Alicia was her smile. Tessa wanted to rip off that mask and see her smile.
“I am here now.” Said Tessa ignoring that she knew the voice, straggling to hide the oestrogen storming inside her. It happened many times she knew the person on the other side but for the sake of rules of the club, she kept on pretending. Nobody would come to her for help if there was no privacy.
“Yeah, you are. I need your help. I broke up with my girlfriend and though I am heartbroken, I feel like nothing. She likes someone else. So…”
“How does that make you feel? Do you love her?”
“I don’t think so. She have changed.”
“Then it’s okay. Even its better. You are brave to know and tell the truth. Nothing but hurt comes out of Pretending. Now you can focus on what you want. Check different tastes. Do you have preferences?”
“Yeah. For I don’t have anyone except my mom in family who is always busy, I feel alone. I don’t think I deserve it but I want to be loved. I want someone who loves me back. I like girls like you who are good and help others. I do want to join the club if you take me in. I have nothing left.” Said Al deepening her voice and walked toward Tessa. She removed the mask and kissed Tessa. Tessa pulled her away.
“What are you doing?” Tessa knew it was Aarifa Alvares, her best friend, who broke up with her. Would it be okay if she engage with her best friend’s ex? Alicia had always been nice to her and she could not afford to lose her. On the other hand, she had a chance to be with the girl she loved. Moreover, Aarifa wasn’t actually into girls. She had been talking about Amir for like a month.
“I can understand if you don’t want me. I won’t bother you again. I am not some sex maniac. But when I look at you, you set me uneasy. I want to rip this top of your chest every time I see you. You are tall and probably only one who can look me in the eye. Everything you do fascinates me. I see you walk like you own everything and that seems just right. You have a healthy mix of virility and muliebrity. I can go on…”
Tessa pulled and kissed her aggressively.
“Oh! I have always wanted you, Al. I could kill to see you smile.”
She continued and pulled her top off. Al supported her and hugging, she took Tessa’s top off her body.
This could have been the best memory of her life if Alicia wouldn’t have recorded it all and spread it in the school. By the evening, the tape was everywhere circulating like a wildfire. Ever since her father found out about the recording, he was angry at her. The only person she expected to be nice to her no matter what looked at her like she was an abomination. She thought her father would come around. after all, he was really close and nice to her. She waited for three days for him until on evening of twenty-seventh December. It was a horrible day.
That evening on twenty-seventh of December, just a few hours before this horrifying incident, she was losing it all. Her father was still mad at her after three days. He was planning to marry her away. She heard it all. Mary had no say in the house anyway. Her bother tried to convince her father but Prasad had become something else. He had changed. He was yelling at everyone and turned into a monster who threatened her mother and brother. Tessa had forseen this in every incident Prasad was mad at Mary. she had hope that she would change him but when she heard that his father was planning to throw her away, her world turned upside down.
She had planned it all, googled less painful ways to go. She didn’t want anyone to know that she was weak and killed herself. Rosie, Aarifa’s mother, had a lab at her home. she had seen ricin in the lab. She didn’t anything about it until she google pooped an article about it while searching for ways to kill herself in way that it didn’t look a suicide. Her plan got easy she got a call from her best friend Aarifa. Aarifa called her many times in those three days but that time she finally picked, for she wanted to say goodbye to her best friend and to access that ricin syringe she had to at Alvares house.
“Hi.” That was iconic Ross hi from friends.
“Thank god you picked the call; my mom has me grounded so I couldn’t come. Are you okay? Mom told your father is pretty mad about the situation.” Ask Aarifa on the phone nervously.
“I am not proud of what I did but for my whole life, my father was my hero. He would hug me when he came home. He didn’t even miss a single day. Now he doesn’t even wanna talk to me. I tried to talk to him, but he just yelled and left the house, every time I tried. It’s been three days and he is still not talking to me.”
“Do you feel like just giving up? I do feel that sometimes too,” said Aarifa after a few seconds of silence.
“To be honest, I can’t take this anymore. I wanna meet you. Is that okay with you?” Tessa replied, with heavy heart and tears in her eyes. Oh, she loved Aarifa’s voice. She was gonna miss her.
“Yeah, I would sneak out.”
“No, I would come to you. Brother is here. Ttyl.” Tessa cut the call as Amir entered the room.
“You know, you ain’t supposed to wear these in the bed,” Amir said smiling at her, hiding his anger At Prasad but Tessa saw it through as whereever he was angery, his body would start to shiver. It was nice though, that her brother loved her and even that recording didn’t change a thing.

By the time she found her conscious back, she was in a car. Her father was arguing with Rosie while Martian, her husband drove the car. Rosie and Martian were Aarifa’s parents and their family friend.
“I always knew. Something didn’t seem right. Ever since you gave her to me, she never felt connected to Mary.” Prasad blabbed from the front seat. Tessa wouldn’t agree with him. Yes, there were instances when she felt closer to her father but it was not like she didn’t like her mother. After all, she always calmed Prasad when he was angry at Mary, and that happened a lot.
“She was with me, for three months after her birth, thanks to you. If you had never left her in the dustbin, she would have never felt connected to me.” Spoke Rosie from beside her. Tessa couldn’t believe that father left her in the dustbin. She wanted to yell at her father but kept quiet, for she wanted to know what else she didn’t know. Moreover, she was weak to even speak.
“She could never be my blood. This is all you. Remember you used to bath with your roommate in college.” Prasad spitted out. Tessa might be thirteen but she understood things. His father didn’t want her anymore. All the courage she felt to live was ephemeral those heroic feelings she felt for him were all lies.
“I can’t believe this. What was I thinking that night? I should have never given her to you. You were badly searching for her everywhere and I thought you wanted her.”
“I did want my daughter. I am working for Daniel for god’s sake so she could live a better life. You know how hard it is to work for him where he kisses that boy in front of us. I did all of this. But she was never mine. My daughter would have never done what she did in school.”
“You can’t force sexuality on her just because you are homophobic.”
“Shut up! Shut up!” Martian stopped the car, “there is a girl who is suffering and needs medical attention. So, Mr Prasad if you love her, stop being a jerk and let me drive so she could get help.”
Silence haunted the car. Martian burned the engine again and drove. Tessa always thought of him as a dope but she never knew he was this mature. Every time she visited Rosie, he would offer her things like candies and chocolates. She thought he was one of those adults she was supposed to stay away from. Perhaps, she thought of him wrongly.
“Yes, I don’t think that it’s okay for a thirteen-year girl to engage in intimacy. But we all did this. I was fifteen when I hooked up with a girl. She made a mistake; you are making it too big an issue.” Said Martian calmly.
“Trust me he doesn’t mind that; he is ‘open-minded’. He is just angry because she kissed a girl, not a boy.” Rosie said mockingly.
“Rosie, like our sexuality, we can’t force someone to feel comfortable about something he isn’t. With time, we understand these things. We are open to more things than our elders and our children are more open than us. That’s how it works. Prasad might be angry but he doesn’t hate Tessa.” Said Martian and deep silence covered the car. Tessa heard it all. She didn’t know what to feel about these things.
“I miss the time when she was a child to me.” Prasad spoke after a few second, “a few days ago, Amir bought her these fluffy shoes. She would wear them everywhere, even in bed.”
Finnaly a smile on his face.
“Yeah, she is one of a kind.” Said Rosie brushing Tessa’s short hair. Tessa got emotional and fainted again.
Tessa sneaked out of her house that night with a yellow raincoat, for it was supposed to rain and she had worn a skirt as no other clothes were washed. She used to do her laundry herself but for the last three days, she didn’t come out of her room. It was night time and one thing she learnt in defence class with Rosie was that it was never a good choice to walk out alone in the night, wearing a skirt. She didn’t believe in such thing but she believed Rosie so she put the raincoat over her outfit as she walked out.
She walked through narrow lane covered in fog, that led to the crossing where Aarifa’s house looked at the church opposite to it. Aarifa had put a ladder for her to climb up the window to Aarifa’s room. She climbed and entered the room. That was awkward. Eva was there with Aarifa and she didn’t know what to say. Before she could knock the window, Eva noticed her.
“Hey, you came.” Eva opened the window and pulled her in. Tessa didn’t answer and looked at Aarifa quietly.
“Come here.” Said Aarifa and opened her arms. Tessa without wasting a Mississippi hugged her tight. She needed that. Although Aarifa pulled back, for she was not that tall as Tessa whose blooming chest blocked her nostrils. Tessa realising that picked her up and hugged her again tightly.
“No wonder your recording making such a sensation.” Said Eva mockingly and Tessa put Aarifa back on the ground nervously. She just sat down calmly on the bed.
“I made your favourite blueberry coffee cake with lemon zest and a crunchy cinnamon streusel topping.” Aarifa took out the cake from the box on the table and offered her. She watered her mouth already and if this was her last meal, she had nothing to complain. She took it and filled her mouth, leaving some of it on her lips and chin. She didn’t care about the protocol you had to follow while eating.
“I knew this might cheer you up.”
“This is good.” Said Tessa with her mouth full of cake. At this moment a thought crossed her mind. Things were not as bad as she thought.
“Let me take the raincoat and then we will do something fun.” Said Aarifa and took the raincoat from Tessa, “I still can’t understand why Prasad is being such a jerk about this?”
“I thought we were gonna do something fun.” Replied Tessa sarcastically.
“How about the truth and dare?” suggested Eva.
Eva, like her name, was an evening, deep and soulful but shone for a very short period. She had a million ways to party but she chose the truth and dare, for this occasion. Eva came to Tessa many times in need, through friend proxy. She showed everyone she was tough and didn’t care about anything but from inside she was an emotional turmoil. She, on one side, wore confident clothes and appeared fierce like a lioness but when it came to facing love of her life, she couldn’t even say a word. Her changing feeling for a girl named Liz was the most of the sessions in friend proxy with Tessa. Tessa bought a phone with that money.
“Sounds right?”
“Okay. let’s do it.” Said Tessa though she wasn’t sure this was a good idea, if something keeps them away from asking her what she felt, she was okay. Aarifa and Eva sat on the bed, too.
“So, I have bent some rules. Instead of...”
“NO.” Aarifa cut her off, “and since you are being smarty pant, you go first.”
They played for a while and it put Tessa’s mind off all the chaos in her life. Moreover, she managed to get the ricin from Rosie’s office, by excusing for a toilet break. Rosie gave her the code once when she left her diary in. Now all she needed was to call it a day and rush back home, though she wasn’t sure anymore if she was gonna do it. Being here with Aarifa made her realise that she had a lot even if her father was mad at her. She was no more a baby.
“So, guys. I am gonna head out. It’s my uncle’s anniversary.” Eva stood up from the bed.
“I’ll come with you.” Said Tessa happily.
“Hey, if you don’t mind, I wanted to talk to you alone.” Intruded Aarifa, holding Tessa’s hand.
to be continued...
© the forbidden child